Page 35

thirty-five

JESSE

I t’s been a couple of weeks since I moved into Henry’s house part-time, but I’m surprised at how easy it’s been.

Vic has been here more than I have, but I’m beginning to feel like this is where I should be.

These are the people I want to be around.

So far, I only stay on the weekend, but I may extend that through Monday soon.

Who am I kidding? I’ll probably jump all the way in with my time.

Bonding still sounds like too much for me, but the idea gets easier and easier to digest each day.

Once I move in full time, I’ll sit down with the Pack and have a serious conversation about what bonding would look like.

It wouldn’t be fair of me to just bond Josie and not complete a Pack bond.

I think Josie would always feel a bit off kilter, and I’m worried it will make me feel more alone than accepted.

Today is one of the rare days when I need to be in the office, and so far I’ve managed small greetings when people send one my way.

Nobody is used to me actually recognizing their greetings, so it causes a bit of a stir when I start to do that.

I still want to be alone more than the average person, but being forced to socialize with the Pack and Ray so much, it’s becoming easier.

The morning of my day is spent at my desk, mostly avoiding people, but also saying ‘hi’ if I’m spoken to.

However, the afternoon finds me in a massive conference room, listening to one of our many directors and VPs talk about the upcoming projects we have.

There were a couple of tries to let people dial in and listen, but it became too difficult to hear, and the system got overloaded.

So, anyone within a certain radius was asked to come in, and the system was updated so those far away could still dial in.

My boss catches me after the meeting and pulls me to his office. I sit down in one of the chairs across from his desk and wait to see what he’s going to say. We sit in silence for a moment while he figures out what he wants to say.

“Omega?” he asks.

I nod, “Yes, sir.”

“Pack?”

“Not quite yet,” I confess.

He nods and continues to think.

“Not my business, I just wanted to touch base with you. You had a frantic week a little bit ago, and now you’re saying hi to people. Keep doing what you’re doing. You seem happier.”

“Thanks, boss, I feel it,” I tell him with a smile.

He returns it with his own small one and waves me out of his office, grumbling about the month-end financials.

He’s a good guy, and if I had refused to tell him, he would have been okay with that.

However, he’s had my back for years, so I feel comfortable giving him the information because I know he won’t pry.

When I get into my car to head home, I decide I want to spend the evening at Henry’s.

I send a quick message to the chat with him and Vic to ensure there are no other plans, and then head toward downtown.

It’s been a bit since I got Josie a present, and I want to bring her something.

My Alpha is itching to provide for his Omega, to keep begging for the forgiveness we’re trying to earn.

I’m tempted to go to the Omega shop and get her something soft, but I decide to go a different route.

There’s a small music shop a little way down from the Omega store, so I stop in there first. For a small shop, they have a huge variety of things to choose from.

There’s a section for CDs, one for tapes, one for records, and even a small merch section.

I head there first, and after perusing the selection, I find the jackpot item.

Underneath a few other folded shirts, I see a Rick Astley shirt that she absolutely needs to have.

The shirt is cream-colored, with neon lettering spelling his name, and his picture in black and white, framed by a colorful square and a blue squiggle line.

It’s a size XXL, but I don’t think it will matter to Josie.

If it’s too big, she can wear it as pajamas or something.

“Is this actually vintage?” I ask the cashier as he processes my purchase.

He inspects the shirt, “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. I don’t do the purchasing.”

Fair enough. I give him my payment and leave the shop, walking down the sidewalk.

Coffee is calling my name before I head home, so I amble down to Simon’s coffee shop.

I’m torn on the inside about whether or not I want to actually see him.

The man has great taste in coffee, so I want to support his business; however, on the other hand, he hasn’t reached out to Josie at all.

He also hasn’t outright rejected her, so it’s hard to tell where he stands.

The shop is busy when I walk in, but the line moves quickly.

I order and step to the side to wait, noting a distinct lack of Simon.

I’m not sure if it’s good or bad quite yet, but when my name is called, I step forward to grab my coffee regardless.

As I’m about to turn and leave, I glance up and see Simon looking at me from just beyond the registers.

He’s standing in the back hallway to the offices, looking unsure and insecure.

I gesture with my head for him to follow me, but I turn before waiting to see if he does.

I couldn’t tell you why I invited him to follow me out.

Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, trying to socialize more.

Maybe I saw something in his eyes that triggered compassion in me.

I don’t know, but I’m not trying to figure it out.

I’m just going with the flow here. Once I exit the cafe, I glance behind me to see Simon not more than a few steps behind me.

We take a few steps away from the doors and stop to look at each other.

“Well?” he asks.

“What?”

He frowns, “You motioned for me to follow you.”

“True,” I shrug.

“Do you need something?”

“Do you ?” I counter, like a smartass.

He scoffs, “I don’t have time for this.”

“Seems like you have a lot of time, if you ask me,” I tell him, raising a brow.

Simon pinches his nose between his eyes, “Stop with the games and say what you wanna say.”

“You ever gonna call her?” I straight out ask.

“Why would I? She’s too good for me,” he counters.

I shrug like I don’t care, when I actually care deeply about what he chooses to do.

“Then reject her,” I tell him.

He blanches, “Absolutely not!”

“Right, so you won’t go to her and try to fix anything, but you also won’t let her go. You’ve got to choose, man, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.”

“It’s not like you have room to talk,” Simon retorts, “You left during her heat, too.”

“I did. I left. Then she kicked my ass. She dressed me the fuck down, and I let her. Because I fucked up. Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started fixing things.”

“You make it sound easy,” he scoffs.

“Because it is!” I all but shout at him, “It is easy! You admit you fucked up, let her have whatever reaction and interaction she needs, then be there for her. ”

Simon looks down at the ground, surprising me by breaking eye contact first. I step closer to him and force his eyes back on mine.

“If my anti-social, emotionally stunted ass can understand that and then be there for her, there’s no reason you can’t too. This act you’re pulling is damaging and unattractive. I’m surprised Vic still puts up with it.”

Simon’s eyes flash with hurt, and he moves around me to go back into the cafe.

Was that a low blow? Hell yes, it was, but it’s true.

I am surprised Vic still puts up with this shit.

How is he not over it? How has Josie not rejected him yet?

It’s not my place to question their relationships, so I don’t.

If Simon shows up for them, I’ll happily include him going forward.

The longer he does this, though, the closer I get to snapping.

I can see the strain it’s putting on Josie and Vic, and how Henry feels helpless to do anything.

On the way back to Henry’s, I force myself to confront some shit.

Henry is trying to keep the three of them balanced and together.

Normally, they would all share the burden, but I can see the burnout happening in Josie and Vic as they try to battle the hole left by Simon in their lives while supporting the Pack.

If there were more than three of them, they wouldn’t have to work so hard.

They could focus on healing their pain, and others could be the caretakers of the bonds.

To keep a bond strong, the Pack and its mates need to tend to each other, showering one another with love and physical contact.

Help remind the ones who suffer that they’re not alone in this world.

That’s a big burden for one person to do for two people, especially with one as a Match.

It just increases the feelings that much more.

Maybe I should just jump in. The three of them have made it abundantly clear that if I need space, I have only to ask.

More than once, they’ve left me to my own devices until I felt ready to engage again.

The idea of sharing a bond with them is terrifying and comforting all at once.

I’d never be truly alone again, but I also would understand the group better.

Maybe there’s a way to learn how to shut the bond down some, just stifle the emotional flow for a little bit if I get overwhelmed.

It’s scary, but I know exactly what needs to happen, and I’m not going to put it off.

When I get back to Henry’s, I see everyone’s car sitting there, and I know it’s going to be an event.

Especially since Ray is also home. She is one big personality, and I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm for life.

Also, her sass. I need to pay attention and learn from her.

Everyone is in the kitchen, and Vic is cooking with some help from Ray while Josie and Henry observe with extremely unhelpful commentary.

“You call that chopping? My grandma chops faster than you!” Josie fires out in a fake angry voice.

“Hey! Don’t forget who’s cooking your food over there! I can easily burn it! I’m a Beta on the edge!” Vic replies.

“I need some popcorn for this show,” I comment as I stand in the entryway to the kitchen.

Josie’s head whips toward me, and she squeals, “Jesse!”

I meet her halfway as she hops down from her spot at the counter and runs to greet me. My arms wrap around her, holding her tightly as she holds me, my coffee abandoned on the counter so I can hold her. The bag from the music shop is still in my hand, and Josie notices it after a moment.

“What’s this?” she pulls back to see.

I grin, “Couldn’t resist getting my Omega a gift.”

She lights up and grins, “Gimmie gimmie gimmie!”

Laughing, I hand it over to her, enjoying the pure joy she exudes from receiving a gift. She peeks in and gasps, yanking the shirt out and letting the bag fall to the floor. After a quick evaluation, she holds the shirt closely to her.

“Thank you!!” she squeals before attacking my mouth with hers.

I happily respond to her enthusiasm and put all of myself into the kiss, but I know dinner is going to happen soon, so we don’t go further. Before I fully let her go, my eyes meet hers, and my voice is steady as I speak.

“I want to bond with you, Josie. I want to bond the Pack. I want to be in, fully and completely.”

A coughing noise terribly hides Ray saying, “That’s what she said,” and the entire romantic declaration goes out the window.

Vic starts cracking up, Ray is giggling up a storm, Josie is trying not to laugh, and Henry is doing his best to remain firm. Spoiler alert: he’s failing.

“Ray, really right now?” Henry chides.

Ray just shrugs, “You want a mature and romantic moment? Don’t do it in a room with an immature teenager.”

There’s more laughter and banter, but before we sit, Josie turns back to me and leans in to whisper to me.

“Yes.”