Page 30

thirty

SIMON

I spent three days in agony, imagining all the ways that Vic and Henry were pleasuring Josie.

Imagining how Vic and I could have pleasured each other while adding Josie to the mix.

There’s no part of me that doesn’t want that experience.

My imagination runs wild as I go through the motions for the three days that Vic is gone.

They both should hate me. I think I hate me right now.

Vic has been home for a day now, and while I didn’t see him at all yesterday, his presence was everywhere—shoes scattered in new spots, extra dishes in the sink.

At first, my sorrow got more intense, but now that he’s been home for a day, I’m starting to get angry.

So he’s just going to avoid me? Is that it?

We almost never miss each other during the day, so it’s got to be intentional.

Anger at him and myself grows throughout my workday, and by the time I get home, I’m ready to explode with anger and frustration.

There’s not even a true focus for all the emotions swirling in me.

It’s almost as if they’ve taken a life of their own, and I can feel them scratching at me under my skin.

Everything’s more intense and I can’t focus for shit.

My employees avoided me all day, and on the one hand, I’m glad nobody bothered me, but I’m upset that nobody even checked on me. How stupid is that?

When I walk in the door, I see Vic’s shoes and his keys in the key tray.

His scent is stronger today, and that tells me he’s working from home.

My instincts are torn between seeking him out jumping his bones or beating the shit out of him.

I can feel the restlessness I’ve been struggling with rising, but I do my damndest to lock that shit down.

Instead of acting on my instincts, I kick my shoes off, dump my keys, and go to the kitchen for water. Maybe a cool drink will help. I can dream. I chug down a massive glass of water, noting that it’s almost gone when I finish.

“Damn, I was thirsty,” I mutter to myself.

My ass lands in a chair as I hold myself back from going after Vic.

Deep down, I know I’m not really mad at him , he’s just a convenient outlet.

I’m mad at myself mostly, for my own damn cowardice.

I just can’t get past that feeling of rejection that resurfaced when I heard about Henry and Vic deciding to bond Josie.

Now I might have missed out on something perfect, something special. I’m such an idiot.

Vic’s footsteps sound in the house and get closer, telling me that I’m about to be put to the test. The knowledge that he’s coming spikes the restless feeling crawling under my skin.

Determined to control myself, I take a deep breath and try to ground myself.

His footsteps stop when he reaches the kitchen.

“Hey.” Vic sounds a bit surprised that I’m here.

“Hey.”

The air feels thick with tension, but I’m not sure what else to say. Vic grabs himself a soda out of the refrigerator and opens it before sitting down next to me. He starts talking to me about something, but I can’t hear him over the roaring in my head.

I can smell her on him. It’s faint, but it’s there, and I want to drown in the scent.

It feels as if I can’t breathe air that contains her scent, I’m going to die.

The only thing that will keep me afloat is her scent.

My hands start to shake a little, so I grab onto my glass like it will ground me.

Instincts are screaming in my head to fight or fuck, and I’m a hairsbreadth away from exploding.

“You okay?” Vic asks.

I clear my throat a few times before I can speak. “No, not particularly.”

I stand and move away from him, needing the space. Something is wrong with me, and I can’t figure it out. My feet carry me back and forth, needing to walk but unable to leave the room just yet. Vic’s eyes follow me, and I pace back and forth in the kitchen.

“Anything I can help with?” he asks. I can hear the genuine concern, but I can’t accept it.

I laugh bitterly, “Like you helped with Josie and the Pack proposal?”

“That’s not fair…” Vic starts, but I’m too keyed up to listen.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re the one who pushed me out! Fuck you!” I yell, interrupting him.

Vic gets pissed and there’s a small, vindictive part of me that is incredibly pleased. I want someone else to feel what I’m feeling. I need an outlet, and it looks like Vic is going to be the lucky winner to receive it. He pushes back from the table and storms over to me.

Now, here’s the thing. I know that I’m being unreasonable.

Vic should have been more open with me, sure, but me picking a fight like this isn’t the best way to handle things.

However, I can’t seem to stop. It’s like my body is begging for it, and I’m tired of resisting it.

When he steps up to me, Josie’s scent hits hard , it smells like her but amplified to the max.

My Alpha is triggered. Mine. Heat. Protect. Rut.

A growl bubbles up from deep within my chest, and all I can see is a challenger to my Omega. Baring my teeth at Vic, I shove him out of the way with all my strength. He stumbles back a few steps before catching himself and looking at me in disbelief.

“What the fuck, Simon?” he yells.

“ Mine, ” I growl at him before advancing forward.

Vic’s eyes widen in realization. He must know I’m going to beat the shit out of him for daring to touch what’s mine.

“Aw shit, this is the last thing we need,” he mutters to himself.

I take a swing at him, putting as much power into it as I can, but Vic ducks at the last second and rams his shoulder into my stomach, trying to knock me off my feet.

The air rushes out of my lungs, and I fumble back, lying stunned as I try to breathe again.

When I realize he’s shouting at me and sitting on me, I buck my hips and throw him off me, scrambling to stand up.

We’re circling each other now, Vic’s hands up, pleading as more words come out of his mouth that don’t register in my brain. My aggression won’t let me idle, so I take a step forward and clock him on the jaw. Vic’s head whips to the side before he looks back at me with determination in his gaze.

Then he gets serious and snaps out a punch so quickly that I miss it.

I feel his knuckles make contact with my cheekbone, and while I register that there’s pain, it doesn’t faze me at all.

My arm swings, and my fist lands on his side, a satisfying grunt of pain releasing from him.

A savage grin takes over as I get lost in the red haze.

We trade blows back and forth, and I glimpse some blood here and there, but I don’t know if it’s mine or his.

All I know is this challenger needs to be stopped.

Fists fly as we battle for dominance, but I can see my competitor flagging, and the red haze that’s taken over intensifies.

Yes, I’m winning, I can feel it. My opponent surprises me with a tackle, though, and we both fall to the floor, grappling for the top position, fists landing on any body part that they can get to.

My arm wraps around his neck at one point, and I squeeze, trying to cut off his air supply.

In a desperate move, he slams his elbow back and manages to land a blow to my solar plexus.

The blow loosens my arms, and he wriggles out of my hold, both of us breathing heavily.

Then he surges forward and lands on top of me, straddling my chest. My face takes another blow before a sharp hit lands on my temple, and everything goes dark.

My eyes blink open, and the first thing that registers is pain.

My face feels like it’s been put through a meat grinder, and my torso aches like I was a punching bag for a while.

It’s evening now, but I swear I came home early from work.

I remember leaving the shop, but that’s the last thing until now.

The restlessness and crawling feeling under my skin has abated, which is weird. Perhaps I passed out for a nap, and that's what fixed whatever was going on. My arms move to try and stretch over my head, but they’re sore enough that I stop halfway.

“Ow,” I complain, letting my eyes fully open.

I’m on the couch, which isn’t unusual, but when I glance around the room, I see Vic on a nearby chair, looking beat to hell and pissed as all get out. My body freezes, and my eyes track the damage with concern.

“Holy shit, are you okay man? What happened?” I ask, hoping he didn’t get mugged or some shit.

Vic just sighs and closes his eyes for a moment before speaking.

“You had to be a fighter instead of a fucker when you rut, didn’t you?”

Rut? What does he mean… oh, oh shit. I can’t believe I missed the signs. I’ve never gone into a real rut before, but I know the signs for one.

“Shit, am I the one that?” I gesture to his… well, everything.

Vic just nods.

“Fuck.” I close my eyes for a moment before sitting up with a groan and looking at him, “I’m so sorry, man. Shit, I can’t believe that happened.”

Vic shakes his head and runs his tongue between his teeth and cheeks. I wince as I adjust how I’m sitting.

“You got me good, if that helps,” I offer.

Our eyes meet, and I can tell Vic is still upset, but he laughs a little and tips his head back for a moment.

“I tried to talk you down several times, but you must have been deep in it. I’m not pissed that you went into rut, just for the record. I’m pissed at how much of a dick you are when you go into it.”

I grimace, “Sorry, man.”

He waves me off, “I owe you an apology. I should have talked to you about the Bond stuff before you heard it from Josie, and I should have showered. I just didn’t want to lose her scent, but I know now that’s what triggered you fully. It must have started when you were at her place.”

“Yeah, I’ve been feeling restless for the last few days, like I’m about to crawl out of my skin. Haven’t been able to figure it out, but it makes sense now. Restless, mood swings, and high aggression. Started right after I smelled her going into heat. God I’m a dumbass.”

“True, but that’s not new information,” Vic smirks at me.

I flip him the bird with a smile, and it feels like normal banter again, not the stressful existence we’ve had lately.

We lapse into silence, and now that the rut haze is gone, I’m thinking clearly again.

Vic has never acted in a way to hurt me before.

It’s just not who he is. Obviously, I don’t know Henry as well, but if Vic trusts him, I should take that into consideration.

Maybe I’m too hard-headed for my own good when it comes to Packs. The realization that I’m going to have to talk about this with Vic settles uncomfortably with me.

“So, not every Pack is like the one I met in college,” I start with.

Vic looks at me, a bit shocked, “No, they’re not.”

Nodding, I add, “Some Packs are supportive and honest.”

“I think most Packs are supportive and honest.”

“You’ve never given me reason not to trust you. Josie is my Match. What the hell am I waiting for?” I ask.

Vic smiles, “I don’t know. What the hell are you waiting for?”

My returning smile falls a little as I look at Vic, “Is it okay if I wait to bond in? Can I be Pack without bonding?”

I’m terrified about his answer, but I need to hear it from him. Vic’s opinion means everything to me.

“Of course you can. You and I are already our own small Pack. We’re just bringing more love into the fold.”

Standing, I walk over to his chair, albeit stiffly and slowly, and gingerly pull him up with me. My arms wrap around him, holding him tightly. He returns the hold, and while it makes me wince, I don’t tell him to ease up.

“I love you, Vic,” I choke out.

“I love you, too, Simon. Always have. Always will.”