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twenty-five

SIMON

I ’ve been off kilter since the awkward ending of our group date.

Something isn’t sitting right, and I can’t figure out what it is.

It’s chafing at me, trying to get my full attention, but there are too many other things going on.

My business needs the majority of my attention right now, so there’s no time to go on a soul search or something.

My mind keeps lingering on old, hurt feelings.

The lingering pain in my heart, where I assumed my Pack bonds would exist. It feels empty, uncomfortable.

Too light, as if that part of me will float away.

When I was in college, I never thought I would actually find a Pack Pull, so I was happy to be part of that group for a time.

Looking back on it, there are obvious signs that it wasn’t going to work out.

They applied to the Bonding Catalogue and never told me about it.

I wonder if they actually registered a Pack bond at the same time as applying for Omega consideration.

When they started dating Omegas, I thought they just forgot.

When they went out with Omegas, I believed them that they thought I was busy or it just slipped their mind.

I was so desperate to belong to a Pack that I let myself be fooled by them.

Part of me wilts at the thought of them laughing at me, but there’s another part that gets angry and resentful.

Before I was so damn desperate, and now I’m resentful enough that I don’t want to have one.

I do have one, though, don’t I? Just not bonded in.

Another order pops up on our digital screen, and I find the matching cup with the written order.

Part of me felt that this system would be overkill when I first started using it, but having the order and cup match has been a lifesaver, honestly.

We do online orders, so being able to match things together this way saves a lot of confusion.

I select the new order and claim it under my name so nobody else makes it.

Crafting the latte is almost therapeutic.

I can lose myself in the rhythm of grinding, pouring, and stirring.

Today, though, it’s not bringing me to a place of calm.

Today, I can still feel that itching need for something, but I can’t figure out what it is.

I place the finished order on the pickup counter, then, as I glance over the room, I see Josie in line to get coffee.

I’m pretty sure my instincts take over my body as my mouth stretches in a wide grin.

My legs move me from behind the counter to where she’s standing, and when my arms wrap around her and I pick her feet up off the ground, she giggles and holds me back.

Just like that, the need for what I couldn’t name mostly disappears.

I have to focus to feel it, so I let it go and focus on the girl in my arms.

“Hi,” she whispers against my neck, unabashedly taking in my scent.

“Hey,” I whisper back, my own nose buried in her neck.

Without thought, I rub my cheek against hers, leaving my scent on her for anyone to smell. When I realize what I’m doing, I freeze and slowly straighten. This is something I should be asking for permission to do since we’re not bonded.

“I’m sorry, I should have asked,” I tell her as I set her back down.

Josie reaches up and grabs the back of my head, dragging me the few inches down to her face, and immediately rubs her cheek against mine.

“I don’t mind,” she says softly.

We pull apart, and I grab her hand, bringing her to the front of the line.

“What do you want?” I ask her.

She looks at me, horrified, “I can’t just skip the line!”

“You can when you’re my Match.”

“Oh my God, your Match is letting you go first? That’s so sweet! Here, go ahead,” the next person at the counter says.

I raise my eyebrow in challenge, and she just sighs, relenting her argument. When she gives her order, I tell the employee that Josie never pays for her drinks here.

She clicks her tongue at me, “Simon!”

“I’m providing for my Omega! Would you really deny your Alpha when being provided for?” I hold my hand to my chest.

She blushes furiously, obviously not wanting everyone looking at her.

“Fine,” she hisses under her breath.

I grin unrepentant and make her drink, handing it off to her as I round the counter.

“Do you have time to sit for a few minutes?” I ask.

“Sure!”

I grab her hand and we settle in at one of the outdoor tables, the slight breeze ruffling our hair and bringing fresh scents of bakeries and food trucks to our noses.

It’s at exactly that moment when I realize what I’ve done.

I gave in to my instincts and basically claimed her in front of everyone without asking.

There was no rational thinking in my actions.

“Josie, I am so sorry,” I tell her, looking at her.

She cocks her head, confused, “What for?”

“I just kind of mauled you in there. You know, grabbed you, made a scene, I don’t know what came over me.” My hand rubs the back of my neck.

Josie’s eyes soften, “Hey, it’s fine. Sometimes instincts get the best of us, so we just need to go with the flow. Besides, we’re a Match, it’s nice to see some display of possessiveness.”

My face flushes, and I almost hide in embarrassment. Alphas don’t blush. I don’t blush. What the hell is happening?

“Did you mean what you said in there, though?” she asks timidly.

“What did I say? Well, which part?”

“About me being your Match.”

I frown, “We already covered this. We know we’re a Match.”

“It’s one thing to know, and another thing to say it in public,” she says, fiddling with her coffee cup, avoiding my eyes.

“Hey,” I grab one of her hands and hold it in mine, “I meant it. I’m more than happy to tell everyone that you’re my Match.”

“Really?” She’s beaming now

“Yes, really,” I say with a laugh.

She jumps up and plops back down on my lap, throwing her arms around me.

I let her hug me for a moment before pulling back and bringing her lips to mine.

She’s so soft and sweet, it’s like coming home every time I kiss her.

Admittedly, it hasn’t been frequently, but it is the best experience I can think of.

Our kiss intensifies, my tongue sneaking into her mouth, caressing her there, and enjoying the feeling of our tongues sliding together.

It’s slick, erotic, and I’m reveling in every second of the exchange.

My dick is hard already, driven by the scent and the need of this Omega in my arms. When she shifts to straddle me and rub her core on me, I pull back.

“Angel, I’d love to do this, but maybe not outside on the street.”

Her eyes pop open wide, as if she’d forgotten where we are. I can see the blush rising on her cheeks, and I capture her chin with my finger and thumb.

“Make no mistake, though, I want you,” I tell her, grinding up to tease her.

Josie gasps in pleasure before swatting my chest. “Heathen.”

All I can do is grin in response. She giggles and slides off my lap, sitting back on the chair and grabbing her drink.

We sit in peace, giving each other “fuck me” eyes as often as we can, and right when I’m about to snap and bring her home, the door to the cafe opens and my employee sticks their head out.

“Um, boss, sorry to interrupt, but the milk steamer stopped working.”

I tip my head back, “Shit. Okay, be right there.”

She looks at me, sympathetic to my plight.

“Thanks for the drink and the public claiming,” she says as we stand.

“You are most welcome, Angel,” I reply.

“Angel?”

“Yeah, there’s no way you’re anything less than an angel for putting up with three Alphas and a Beta.” I grin.

She giggles and takes a step back. “Well, good luck at work, and don’t worry about the claiming thing. Vic and Henry already offered the bond, so soon you’ll be able to feel how much I enjoy it.”

With that, she turns and leaves, but my heart has stopped working. Bond offer? What the hell is she talking about? Vic never told me… oh. Vic didn’t tell me. I didn’t really expect this experience twice, but I guess here we are.

My legs carry me back into the cafe, but my brain is in a fog. The milk heater is broken, so I fiddle with it a bit and realize it came loose. I pop it back into place, and it works like a charm again. Once that’s fixed, I find myself in my office, sitting in my chair and staring at nothing.

Well, fuck, I think my heart broke.

When I pull into the driveway, I see the lights on in the house.

Good, he’s home. We need to have a chat, but I honestly don’t know how calm I can be about this.

I sit and think for a moment, not wanting to leave my car quite yet.

Rational and calm. I need to be rational and calm.

There’s no reason to get overly angry or start accusing him right away.

If I repeat that enough times, maybe it’ll work.

I sigh and open my car door, shutting it a little harder than needed. When I walk into the house, I calmly shut the door behind me. Well, as calmly as I closed my car door. I wince a little when I hear the door rattle slightly, and toe my shoes off. Vic pops his head out from the kitchen, frowning.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” I shrug.

“You slammed that door awfully hard.”

“Could have done it harder.”

Vic sighs, “That’s not the point.”

All I do is shrug again, and that seems to piss him right off. Good, I’m pissed too. Any consideration of calm is out the window now that I’ve seen him.

“What is your problem?” he asks sharply.

“I saw Josie today,” I tell him, walking into the kitchen to rummage for food.

Vic has already started dinner, but I’m not sure I can eat with him. So, I dig until I find a protein bar.

“Okay? Did she say something?”

I huff a bitter laugh, “Yeah, you know, she did.”

Vic frowns, “What the hell? I thought you two were doing well together! I’ll call her and ask what’s up. This is not cool.”

A small piece of me warms at Vic’s protectiveness, but then I remember that he’s lying to me.

“You’re not my parent, you don’t need to go defend me to other people.”

“We’re Pack, of course, I’m going to defend you.”

“Are we?” I ask.

“Are we what?”

“Pack? Are we Pack?”

There it is. Vic’s face goes a little pale, and he looks extremely uncomfortable. I shake my head, unwilling to suppress the disgusted huff that comes out of me.

“I thought maybe it would be different this time, you know? I’m real fuckin’ hesitant to do the Pack bond thing, but I figured if I have you, it won’t be so bad. You’d have my back. You’d understand my fears and help me through them.” I say.

“Si, can you wait long enough to hear my side?” he asks.

“I tried to be calm enough to do that, I really did, Vic,” I tell him, my voice tight, “Then I realized you did the same thing as they did. You made me think I was wanted, then went behind my back and excluded me.”

“You said you weren’t ready!” he exclaims.

“You said Pack looks out for each other! Is this looking out for me? Is this helping me ‘see the light’?”

Vic throws his hands in the air, “God, Simon, I don’t know how the hell to explain anything to you when you’re so consistently closed off about this!”

“Don’t bother trying, I hope you and your Pack are happy with your Omega,” I tell him.

I can hear Vic make an attempt to stop me, but he doesn’t try for long.

When I make it to my room, I toss the protein bar on my dresser and flop back onto my mattress.

My heart is shredded. I know I said I wasn’t sure if I’m ready, but dammit we didn’t even sit down and talk about it one on one. They didn’t even try.

Clearly, they didn’t inform my Angel about it either. She was so excited when she told me. There have only been a few times in my life as an adult that I’ve cried. I hate crying. It makes me feel too vulnerable. As I lay here, though, it feels inevitable.

So, I let the tears flow down my face and just let it come.