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twenty-one

SIMON

I ’m pleasantly surprised at how fun that date was.

I was feeling unsure at first, worried she had picked some odd “Pack building” thing, but she kept it fun and light.

I appreciated that and was extra happy that she could tell who we all were.

She’s glowing as we leave the building, and we agree on a restaurant to grab drinks and dessert.

We get a table outside in front of the building.

The sidewalk is wide enough to comfortably seat us.

“So do you think a narwhal is a unicorn?” Vic asks Josie.

She sets her drink down and spears him with her eyes, “No, I think unicorns are narwhals in disguise.”

The table is silent as Josie looks each of us in the face, but by the time she gets to me, her serious facade cracks at my skeptical reaction.

She’s trying to hide a smile, so I lean in further, resting my arms on the table, my eyebrow raised.

Josie leans in to match my posture, and we stare at each other.

“I hate to break it to you, but narwhals are not what unicorns disguise themselves as,” I tell her as seriously as I can manage.

“Oh? Do enlighten me.”

“They clearly disguise themselves as rhinos.”

Josie throws her head back in laughter, her eyes bright as she looks back at me.

“I like that argument, we can go that route,” she says.

We relax into bantering and snacking on food for a while, just enjoying everyone’s company, and even Jesse adds some comments.

As unsure as I am about Packs, I’m finding that we flow pretty well.

This is only the second time we’ve all spent time together, and I can see how our pieces might fit.

It’s terrifying. I have no idea how that would look long-term.

What if my piece doesn’t fit like we’d expect?

Will they kick me to the curb? The last thing I want is to be left behind again.

I want Josie, but do I want a whole Pack?

The waitress comes by with our dessert, and once we have our plates, Josie looks at all of us before clearing her throat. All our eyes turn to her and wait for her to speak. I hope she’s about to speak because otherwise it’s real creepy that we’re all just staring at her.

“I was hoping we could talk about some serious stuff,” she says hesitantly.

Henry places his hand on top of hers. “What’s up?”

“So, um, my heat is coming in a couple of months. I usually medicate through them, but since we’re all a Match, I thought maybe we should talk about what this means.

Do we want to bond? If so, we’ll need to Pack Bond as well.

We could wait a little bit after to Pack Bond, but I guess I want all of it.

I don’t want to pressure anyone, though, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. ”

The words take me by surprise. I wasn’t really expecting her to be so bold or blunt with her thoughts.

Especially in regard to something so sensitive.

She wants to bond, but she also wants a Pack Bond.

That seems fast to me. She doesn’t want to pressure me, but isn’t that exactly what she’s asking for?

I try to shove down the simmering anxiety in my belly and focus on the table.

“Pack Bond, huh?” I ask, my voice pitched low.

She fidgets in her chair. “Only if you want to. I don’t want to force anyone, that’s not fair to do.”

“I think we all want to help you with your heat, but the rest of it may feel rushed for some,” Henry says gently.

I lean back into my chair and glance at Jesse.

He looks like I feel, a little nauseous and incredibly insecure.

Where is this conversation going? Is anyone going to actually ask Jesse or me what we want?

Maybe they’ll just refer to us as “some” of them.

My eyes glance at Vic, sitting between me and Henry.

I’m curious to hear what his response will be to all of this.

I know he feels like he’s in a precarious position right now, but as much as I don’t want to give him up, I will if he just wants Josie.

I’m not going to push him one way or the other.

“Josie Girl, what do you think about us just all saying how we feel and what we want? No judgment from anyone, but when we’re done sharing our opinions, we can talk about it as a group.” Vic suggests.

Josie bites her lip, but nods, “I think that makes sense. Open communication and all that, right?”

“Exactly, why don’t you go first?” Vic replies.

“Well, if I’m being honest with myself, I want all of you.

I’m nervous about bonding, because if we do, it’s all going to be a Mate Match bond, and it’s a lot.

I do want you all to be my Pack, though, I truly do.

The idea of opening myself up that deeply scares me, but I know none of you would intentionally hurt me. ”

She looks over at Jesse, encouraging him to take his turn. Jesse shifts in his seat, looking supremely uncomfortable, but I also know Josie is it for him, so he won’t evade her questions.

“Well, Jojo, you’re it for me. I don’t want another Omega. I never expected to find a full Pack, though, and I don’t know if I can do it. Share myself with that many people and be so open. I like my privacy; I like being alone, unless it’s with you. So, I guess I don’t have a good answer.”

Josie nods, her eyes glossy with unshed tears, but she also reaches out to squeeze Jesse’s hand. Why does she have to be so amazing? I don’t know how to deal with any of this, and it’s my turn.

“Well, if I’m being totally honest, I’ve been avoiding the entire situation.

I don’t know what I want. For the longest time, it’s just been me and Vic, and now there are two other guys and my Match thrown into the mix.

It’s confusing and I don’t know if I can bond when I’m this fucked up,” I tell the table, my eyes downcast to my hands that are clenched together.

Vic reaches out and squeezes my shoulder, and the gesture makes me turn my head toward him. His eyes are filled with understanding, but also sorrow. He clears his throat before speaking.

“I hear what you’re saying, Si, it’s a lot.

I… I’m all in if I’m being honest. Josie Girl, you’ve been it since we met back in high school.

If you have other Matches, all that means to me is that you’re going to be well loved, and I’m more than okay with that outcome. ” Vic’s voice cracks at the end.

“What’s wrong?” Josie asks.

“Uh, let’s let Henry go first before we talk more. I want to make sure we all get heard.”

“I’m simple, I want Josie and anything that goes with her. I’ll bond whenever Josie wants to,” Henry says.

“Just like that?” Josie asks.

“Just like that, babe.”

Henry gets the brightest smile from Josie, and I can’t deny that there’s a little bit of jealousy. I want that smile to be directed at me, even though I know why it’s not. My ridiculous Pack issues are going to break her heart, I just know it.

“Okay, Vic, spill it, what’s up?” Josie says, turning to him again.

“I want Si to be a part of things, but,” he turns to me, “I’m not sure you’re ready. I don’t want to lose you.”

All I can do is nod. I’m not sure what else to say at this point.

Josie turns to Jesse, “Okay, I don’t want to be in the middle of Simon and Vic, we don’t need to all watch them work their shit out like it’s a soap opera. Jesse, how… how do we get past this? I meant what I said, I’m not letting you go.”

He smiles gently at her before taking her hand.

“I know, but I’m just not sure about being a Pack,” he says.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, nobody quite sure what to say.

It’s awkward, Henry’s trying to subtly comfort Josie while Vic does the same for me.

Jesse sits mostly alone, but I can see Josie trying to give him some comfort when I’m not sure she has much comfort to give.

This woman is too good for me. Jesse pulls away from Josie’s comfort and stands.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can deal with this right now,” he says softly before giving Josie a kiss on her temple.

Then he throws $20 on the table and walks out. Josie’s trembling hand covers her mouth, and I can hear a soft whimper as she tries to keep any noise in. She doesn’t want to cause a scene, but I think one has already been caused.

“Didn’t you guys ride together?” I ask before my brain registers what my mouth is doing.

“Simon!” Vic hisses at me.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” I try to apologize to Josie.

“It’s fine, uh, I’m sure I can call a ride share,” she stumbles over her words.

Henry growls, “Absolutely not, I’ll take you home.”

The first tear escapes her eye as she nods.

Henry helps her stand and looks at Vic, one eyebrow raised in question.

Vic nods, and I sit there with him, somewhat dumbfounded at what just happened.

We had a great time earlier this evening, but now I’m sitting here feeling unsettled and upset with Vic.

Josie’s run off crying, and Jesse just left everyone at the table.

“What the hell just happened?” I ask Vic.

“What just happened is that you and Jesse just about broke Josie’s heart while Henry and I sat and watched.” Vic’s hand is now over his face, shoulders hunched.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Vic sighs before sitting upright and looking over to me. We look at each other for a moment, neither of us sure how to move forward.

“It’s not your fault, man, she wanted honesty, and that’s what you gave her.

I think… I think you need to do some deep soul searching, though.

This group would make a Pack that’s incredibly different from the one that hurt you.

Don’t sell us short because of some other assholes,” Vic pleads with me.

I nod and reach out to grab his hand.

“I’ll do my best,” I tell him, “I don’t want to let you or Josie down.”

Vic flags the waiter to grab our group’s tab and pays what Jesse’s money didn’t cover. We walk to the car together and drive home with only the radio for noise, playing low in the background. When we’re home and ready for bed, I move to sleep in the extra room we have before Vic stops me.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he asks.

I gesture over my shoulder with my thumb, “To sleep.”

“Our bed isn’t in there.”

“Oh, you’re not kicking me out?” I ask, a bit surprised.

Vic’s eyes soften, “No, Si, we had a rough evening, that’s all. We still belong to each other. It takes more than this to break us.”

I walk across the hall and pull him into me, needing to feel him anchoring me to the present. My insecurities swim in my stomach, reminding me that I’m not good enough, not clever enough, just not enough.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

Vic pulls back and places his hands on either side of my face, “I love you. Nothing will change that.”