Page 8

Story: If Only

Now

Seth saw Nina Mendez once again at the train platform the next morning, after the night they walked home together.

She’d been tapping her foot against the yellow barrier, her head bobbing up and down to whatever she was listening to. She wore a long black, flowy skirt, paired with a white singlet.

When their eyes met, they couldn’t resist their laughter. The third time seeing each other on the same platform. How many more coincidences were there?

This time, she wasn’t on her way to university, but instead on her way to the Inner West to meet up with Veronica and Celine for lunch.

“Lucky you,” Seth declared. Fridays were his last day of the week for uni.

The fourth time Seth saw Nina was on Sunday. He was at his local shopping centre, doing the groceries for the week, when he heard a familiar, “Seth.”

There, on the same chips aisle as him, stood Nina. This time, in an oversized jumper of a baseball team. Her face was bare of makeup, yet she still looked the same.

“Nina,” he breathed, a little lost for words. It was Sunday morning, and he’d only had a banana for breakfast. He didn’t expect to see Nina so early. And looking pretty.

“Careful, I’m starting to think you’re stalking me,” she chuckled.

She reached for the cheesy nacho chips beside him, her hand brushing his arm in the slightest. “Anyways, I would stop to chat but I’ve got some relatives visiting from the Philippines today and I’m in charge of making them some guacamole and nachos. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

She brushed past him, before he had a chance to say he was looking forward to it.

The fifth time Seth saw Nina, was on Monday morning. At this point, they seemed to be expecting each other for a run-in. Seth was there first, leaning against a pole. Nina sidled up beside him almost naturally, her lips perked in an amused smile.

“We meet, once again.”

He’d been secretly hoping that he’d run into her, setting his alarm at 6am, which was an hour earlier than usual.

This train suits me best, anyway, he’d told himself.

It was a lie. This Monday train got him barely to university on time. Often, he took the train earlier than this one. But this was the train that he first saw Nina in, almost a month ago.

“What are the chances?”

Nina’s laugh carried across the carriage, and Seth saw the dismayed expressions of the business men and women on the train.

He ignored them though, his eyes fixated instead on Nina, as she once again recalled an old memory.

“I did not!”

“You did, I remember!”

Her laugh grew louder as she continued with the story, her words struggling between her wheezes.

“And when you jumped off the square, you tried to be all impressive and do a somersault but landed on your ass instead,” she said, her laugh rising at the last word.

Seth felt his cheeks grow warm at the memory of him doing a failed gymnastics routine in Year 8. He really didn’t remember that, but then again, any memory from a gymnastics class from PE was lost to him. Nina kept on laughing, however it was too infectious to ignore. Seth found himself smiling.

He poked Nina’s knee.

“Shut up , you only remember that because you were obsessed with me,” Seth teased, and Nina rolled her eyes.

“Well, it had its perks,” she replied, “Now I remember all your embarrassing moments.”

Their train rides had officially turned into their personal time machine.

They’d started exchanging memories of their favourite classes, of their favourite teachers, and the moments with their classmates they remembered.

Seth didn’t even realise he remembered so much after thinking so little of the memories after graduation. Yet, once they stepped onto the train, it was as though time paused just for them to catch up on all the lost years. To compare timelines and experiences.

Seth didn’t think he’d enjoy talking about high school this much, and stranger yet, with Nina . The girl who’d liked him for 5 years.

This morning, PE classes were the subject of nostalgic scrutiny. Seth was naturally gifted at sport, but didn’t particularly enjoy it entirely. Nina, contrastingly, loved all the sports they played, but didn’t have the coordination.

His memories get tangled in his brain as Nina suddenly leaned closer. Instinctively, he leaned backward into the chair, startled by the rapid thumping of his heart. Huh ?

“Uh - what are you doing?” he began, heat creeping over his neck.

Amusement settled over Nina’s features.

“You have an eyelash on your nose,” she quipped, a hint of laughter bouncing between the words.

“Oh,” is all Seth managed.

Her fingers pinched at the spot of skin, just below his nose bridge. The contact sent a rush through his nerves, beginning at where she’d touched and spreading like wildfire through his veins.

His heartbeat wasn’t slowing. Nor was his breathing. Was he breathing?

“There we go,” Nina declared, triumphantly waving the minuscule eyelash before him. Then, puckering her lips, she blew on the bit of hair, before slapping her palm against her forehead.

“ Wait - you were meant to make the eyelash wish, not me! Damn…oh well.”

She chuckled a little, over her mistake, yet everything felt fuzzy. Sounds, his vision, even his sense of touch. Everything, except for the stark beating of his heart, which hadn’t slowed down a second at all.

What is all this?

He shook off the sensation. It was nothing, just surprise at her close proximity.

That was all.

As the two reached the train stop and exited the station, Nina turned to Seth with a grin.

She shivered a little as a cold, chill breeze brushed through, and her hands tightened around the hot mint chocolate cup that Seth noticed she drank every morning.

He’d never really been accustomed to mint chocolate, thinking it tasted like toothpaste.

“I better be off,” she told him, nodding toward the light rail that took her to uni.

“Yeah, I’ll see you,” Seth replied, returning her smile. Yet, as she watched her walk away, he was seized with an impulsive idea. Rather than linger on it too much, he stepped forward, calling her name.

She turned around, perplexed.

“Did you want to catch the train home together, today?” he asked. A blush settled on his cheeks before he could stop it. Nina appeared surprised at the ask, so Seth quickly scrambled to add, “It’s just that - we both live so close you know and - well -”

“Of course,” Nina responded, cutting him off, which he was glad for. He wasn’t sure how many more words he’d be able to pull from his lips. “Of course, it’s better than walking home alone at night. I’ll meet you here again, say around…5 pm? Does that work for you?”

A sigh of relief left his mouth before nodding.

“Yes, yes it does. I’ll see you again soon.”

He was used to being a little bit of a loner. After graduation, when Seth drifted from most of his friends, he hadn’t made the effort to really reach for new connections. Other than his first deskmate and now close friend, Jae, he didn’t have many others.

The closest he’d gotten to other people was probably the women he’d hooked up with during the first year of university, when dating apps were all the buzz and he wanted to feel something . But really, it gave him nothing.

Not that he minded. He’d grown content in his own company. After all, he’d learnt to in Year 9, after his parents separated and the house had one less person.

Yet, with Nina, he didn’t mind her company. Had even grown fond of it, over the last few days of catching the train to and fro with her.

If only it was like this in high school, he thought.

He would’ve loved to be friends with her back then. Not that he tried hard, outside of being polite.

It was hard because she liked you. Now, she doesn’t.

Seth’s gaze stayed glued on Nina as she walked down the path, wondering once again if it was possible she could still have a crush on him. Even just a small one. Or, whether it was going to be reignited now, since they were spending all this time together.

What would Seth do then?

He shook the thought from his brain. He was being silly, jumping to conclusions. Still, it lingered in his brain and found himself smiling at the thought of it being true.

Today’s class featured a guest speaker from a popular indie company called Locksnap , where they presented an early demo of an upcoming game in development. The presentation really intrigued Seth, who jotted down the possibility of one day opening his own company, if he was bothered.

Excitement over the speakers came from the offers for internships and placements. Seth, himself, wasn’t looking, which eased his worries. But Jae, who he sat beside in the lecture, was practically buzzing with excitement.

“I need that programming role, if it’s the last thing I do,” Jae groaned, as they exited the large lecture room.

Jae was amongst one of the most talented programmers that Seth knew. Beyond his talents, Jae was also one of the kindest people he’d ever met. It was Jae who was able to snake his way into Seth’s aloofness on the first day of orientation with his charisma.

Whatever he’d seen in Seth, that had him stick by his side the past three years, he’d never understand. But he was grateful. If it weren’t for Jae, Seth would most definitely be alone.

“You’ll get it, don’t you worry,” Seth assured, and it was true.

To that, Jae sighed, loudly, the type of sigh that reverberated from the chest. It was a little dramatic, but Seth’s friend was like that.

“Where, oh where did these 3 years go?”

It felt like only yesterday he was attending the UTS Open Day, with his freebie tote bag, grabbing flyers to push into his pockets.

“Jae! Seth!”

In the distance, Seth peered Anya Tiera, a close friend of Jae’s, approaching. Today, she was clad all in black clothing, a style that he realised she’d grown accustomed to. It fit really well with the tattoos that adorned her arms.