Page 37

Then

Through the last year of high school, Seth and Nina barely spoke. Hardly acknowledged each other.

Nina, of course, was normal. Laughing, cracking jokes. Lighting up her path wherever she walked. But she no longer had the same look in her eyes when she’d glance at Seth.

It wasn’t until graduation week that they finally spoke again. For the first time in a while, and for the last. On awards night, Nina won the honorary literary award, for her efforts in english and creative writing.

She also won first place in their HSC exams for English Advanced, a feat that everyone saw coming. She was well known for weaving her beloved stories together.

When she got on stage, Seth couldn’t stop staring at the way she’d done her hair. She’d done something to it, cut it short maybe at the front, so that a curtain of hair framed her face. The rest of it was tied back in a braid.

It wasn’t just her hair, but the way she held herself, that Seth was enthralled by. Shoulders back, head held high. Most of all, it was her smile. Her smile, gracious and full of light.

She’s always been like the sun.

Seth, himself, won an academic achievement award for his efforts across all his classes. As he stood up on the stage, his eyes found his parents. Sitting separately, on different rows.

He was hoping that they’d at least be civil. To sit side by side. To give Seth a glimpse of what it was like before.

They couldn’t even sit together , to put aside their differences just for him.

The day after graduation night was one dedicated to celebrating their end of the school year.

After a morning ceremony, where tears were exchanged from his teachers and the school captains delivered a speech talking of futures and being excited for where we all go , his cohort spilled onto the grassed area beside the school hall.

The energy was high, infectious that even Seth felt himself carried away. Joshua clapped his back, congratulating him on all the awards. Truthfully, the last year of high school also saw their friendship drifting a little.

Ever since the incident, really.

Still, they plastered civil smiles and acted like the best of friends for one last time.

Seth posed for photos with a group of boys from his class that he’d grown quite close with. He wondered if he’d ever see them again, after this. If they’ll stay in contact, to meet up outside of these gates and make more memories.

Music blasted through the grassed field, with everyone singing along to nostalgic Disney tunes. It was in the middle of the High School Musical song ‘ We’re all in this together’ that Seth caught a glimpse of her.

Nina. Across the field, laughing with her friends.

Veronica and Celine were taking photos of her, as she made silly poses in front of the school hall. Bianca was blowing bubbles in her direction, from a bubble wand teachers were handing out.

Even Ethan, the boy from her art class, was smiling at her.

This will be the last time you see each other.

The thought compelled him forward. He saw as her friends wandered off elsewhere, toward the hoard of teachers handing out party poppers and more bubble wands. Nina lingered, waving at them, calling for them to get her one too.

Now was his chance.

“Nina.”

She turned around, startled by the sound of his voice. Her eyes flitted over him, taking in his appearance. He couldn’t determine what she was feeling anymore.

Once, there’d be a blush on her cheeks every time he came near. There’d be that glint in her eye that he grew addicted too. A hint of a smile that felt like the sun rays creeping beneath clouds.

Now, there was nothing. Only a reserved politeness, a general friendliness.

“Seth,” she responded. He scrambled in his mind for something, anything.

“Happy graduation,” he decided on, pathetically.

“Thank you. You too, Seth.”

She smiled at him, but her tone was conclusive. She began to turn then, away from him, toward her friends. It’d be the last time he’d speak to her, if she walked away right now.

It was that thought that seized Seth to surge forward, and take hold of Nina’s wrist.

“Wait, Nina.”

She stopped, turning, shocked at the action. He pulled back, and cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “For what I said. It was - I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it.”

You mean so much more than you know. You’ve grown on me, Nina Mendez. Your blushes, your smiles. Your laughter in class. Your presentations, your stories. The time we spent sitting together, and we chatted about your favourite TV show. I wish I wasn’t a coward to explore what more it could’ve been.

Her eyes widened, before softening. Her lips curved once more.

“Thanks Seth, for telling me that. I hope whatever you pursue after this, it will make you happy.”

Even now, she was wishing him the best, less than what he deserved from her. This time, as she walked away, he let her. He’d said his apology, and he’d closed the door with Nina for what could be forever.

Strangely, a part of him hoped that this wouldn’t be the last time he was seeing her. It was impossible, he knew. They were not friends, hardly anything to keep in contact.

Sure, they’d remain mutuals on social media platforms, but that’s it. He wondered if she’d forget him. If he even played a large enough role in her life, to recall for future anecdotes.

Would she laugh about how there was a stupid, silly boy she used to like in high school?

Would she curse his name, renounce him from her mind, for what he did?

As he laughed with his friends on the grassed field, posed for pictures for his family, swept up in the celebration of it all, his gaze drifted momentarily. And just for a fleeting moment, he saw her once more, on the far side of the field.

That smile, the one that spilled sunlight, was gracing her face.

It’s then that Seth understood.

He would never forget her. He couldn’t . Not in the way that people forgot things.

In the hours between night and day, when all was silent and still, the memory of her would water through.

The image of her smile, the crinkle in her eyes, the way her entire being was weaved of story and possibility and happiness.

Nina Mendez would always exist, tucked in his memory, in the liminal spaces of his mind.Even if his parents made him believe that love wasn’t real, he’ll always have Nina reminding him that it does.

— An excerpt from Nina’s diary, November 2018