Page 29

Now

Nina: I think I might actually heed your advice

Seth: Oh? Please, do enlighten me more

Nina: Well….I might be hanging out with Carlos today. Just friendly! Not a date! But I might listen to what you said and idk…tell him I have a crush

Seth: Oh! That sounds awesome

Nina: Yeah? I’m kinda feeling awks…But oh well. I’ll tell you more about it on the train

Seth: You’re catching it with me?

Nina: As far as I know, I don’t have any other train besties to annoy…Unless you want me to find another?

Seth: You couldn’t if you tried. I’ll see you soon

Nina had texted him first thing in the morning, and the moment Seth read them, his heart dropped through the ground. It’d been a week since he’d encouraged Nina to express herself.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

“So, how are you going to do this? With Carlos?” Seth asked, a nip at his voice. He cleared his throat, glancing down at the hot mint chocolate Nina held between her fingers.

The train swayed a little, and his shoulder bumped hers.

“Okay, don’t tease. But I wrote stuff up on my notes, mostly like, in dot points -”

He reached forward, almost automatically, to grab her hot chocolate before it stumbled out of her grasp whilst she reached for her phone.

Unlocking it, she brought up the notes she was speaking of. Her spilled heart laid there, through the written dot points. Addressing it felt like spikes against his chest.

His eyes raked over the first two. There had to be about five dot points.

● Carlos, I have to tell you something. I like you. In that way. I’ve felt this way for quite a bit. From the moment you sat next to me in that history lecture, actually

● I could start with the reasons why. Your smile is really sweet, and you’re so very kind…

A dull ache pulsed in him as he glanced away.

“That’s adorable,” he managed, willing himself to smile. He pictured how happy she’d be if - when - Carlos returned her feelings. Of that grin she’d carry even moreso.

Would she stop talking to him, if she and Carlos got together?

If she loved him as a best friend, surely, she wouldn’t. He’d make sure that she’d never know his feelings. That Carlos would never find out, either.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Nina asked, worry gnawing at her voice, just as she gnawed at her lip.

With a soft smile, Seth reached upward with his free hand. And between his fingers, pinched Nina’s cheek affectionately.

Her expression shifted into surprise, as she whipped her head backward.

“You’re never too much,” he assured, with a grin, “And that’s not just speaking from the two months we’ve grown close. But from all the years I’ve known you before.”

That made Nina laugh.

“Seth, you and I both know that you thought I was too much in high school.”

“Well, I was a fool back then,” Seth said, nudging her with his elbow, “And I didn’t know any better.”

“Yeah, you didn’t.”

She gave him a smile that felt like flames licking his stomach. Swallowing, Seth braved the question tipping over his tongue.

“So, this Carlos…what do you like about him?”

The query seemed to surprise Nina, her eyebrows raising in thought.

“Oh, well he’s - he’s kind. He’s funny, he’s handsome. When we worked together, he wouldn’t stop asking what I think, making sure I’m included. I don’t know…”

Blush painted her cheeks, and Seth had to look away.

“And you’re sure that he’s the one you want to be with?” it came out as an almost whisper.

There was a momentary pause, a lapse in Nina’s response. Seth turned, and met her gaze, realising she’d been looking at him. She turned, a little too quickly, before clearing her throat.

“Do we ever really know who we want to be with, until we’re with them?” she asked, yet it came out as an almost uncertain laugh.

I know, thought Seth.

“But anyways, we’ll see what happens. I haven’t even told him I liked him yet,” Nina said.

“What did you see in me ?”

The question slipped from his reins before he realised. Nina laughed, but her tone betrayed a hint of timidness.

“Oh gosh, you’re asking me that now?”

“It was coming at least once in our friendship, wasn’t it?”

“I suppose it was,” Nina shook her head, before dropping her face into her open palms, “Wow, this is embarrassing.”

“Why? It’s not like I didn’t know, or that you shouted it out loud enough for all to hear…”

“Okay, okay, shut up . I never really told you though.”

Something about this conversation made Seth feel warm, the sensation tingling up and down his arms, reaching down to his toes. He nudged Nina, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Let me guess, it was my good-looking smile. You couldn’t resist.”

“Nope, I won’t tell you,” she shook her head from side to side, her lips pursed.

He nudged her again, leaning into her.

“Come on , tell me.”

“Fine, fine !” she laughed again, but didn’t move away from him.

His shoulder stayed pressed against hers.

“I guess, back then, there was this energy about you. Everyone around found you annoying, found you loud, a little rebellious. But I always found you endearingly funny, I always got your jokes and knew you just wanted to make people laugh. And fine yes it helped that you were a little cute to me back then. And you were really smart too, you always answered the math questions correctly.”

His heart stumbled with every word that came out of her mouth.

“You liked me because I was good at math?”

Nina rolled her eyes, a scoff escaping her lips.

“Yes, that is exactly it.”

Then, her gaze turned to him. She held his eyes, and he felt frozen in spot, like she was Medusa and he’d turned to stone.

“But, I don’t know. I just always liked being around you.

I always wanted to be in your orbit, like you were this magnet.

Even if we never spoke. Even if, on days, all I got was so much as a millisecond of a glance.

To me, you were like a book you pass at a store, with a pretty cover, one that you’re so desperate to read. ”

Fire turned in his stomach, and he smiled, still holding onto her gaze.

“There were other guys though, better looking than me. Funnier than me, more popular…”

She tilted her head, a feather of a smile tickling her lips.

“Yeah, but they weren’t you Seth, so I didn’t care. I was 100%, totally, completely all for you.”

Energy pulsed, so stark and real between them, that Seth was dizzied by it. Anticipation thrummed wildly, as time suspended, their gazes refusing to break contact.

The urge to kiss her, to pull her close to him, seized Seth so viscerally.

But the tension ballooning between them was cut instantly, as Nina cleared her throat. She glanced away, snapping the tether.

“I mean, back then. Now, I can’t stand you, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

The train reached their destination, tearing them both back to reality.

All throughout the day, Seth could not concentrate. How could he? Even if it was the last week of university before the semester break, he couldn’t enjoy himself at all, not when thoughts of Nina and Carlos’ potentially budding romance was on replay in his head.

He tried to focus on his capstone, and revelled in the praises he was showered with after he showed Jae his progress, and his tutor who was wholly impressed.

But god… .

He couldn't stop thinking about Nina.

During their break, Jae sat them down in one of the student break rooms, his face scrunched in concern.

“Man, you are really out of it,” Jae said, shaking his head.

“I can’t get her out of my head, it’s driving me insane,” Seth moaned, “Am I pathetic?”

“A little bit, but all the best lover boys are,” Jae laughed, clapping his forearm, “God, you’re really into her, aren’t you?”

“You have no idea.”

“Then why don’t you fight for her? So what if she likes this Carlos guy…she liked you once too. Win her over, show her you’re the better choice.”

That’s the thing… was he the better choice? He wanted Nina more than anything, but not more than how much he wanted her to be happy.

Images of his parents’ separation clouded his mind whenever he tried to picture he and Nina together. Would he just repeat the cycle?

Before Seth could relay this to Jae, a couple more of their mutual classmates joined them, excitedly gushing about the company internships. Seth did his best to join along, to put Nina at the back of his head.

That night, when Seth came home, he came home to laughter in the kitchen. Sauntering through the hallway, he was met with his parents, both at the stove, giggling. He slid his bag off of his back, catching the attention of the two.

His Mum met his eyes first, and her lips pulled into a smile.

“Hey sweetie, how was your day?” “Normal,” Seth informed. He reached for a banana, and bit into it.

“Dinner is going to be ready soon. Your Mum and I are cooking -”

“ Trying to cook -” his Mum interjected.

“We are trying our hand at cooking butter chicken curry but failing helplessly. Stupid instructions on this jar does nothing.”

Seth watched as the two of them burst into laughter once more. An invisible bubble formed around them, the same sort of bubble that he’s seen encasing Jae and Anya.

It was odd. It’s always been odd, whenever Seth catches his parents in this sort of haze. A part of him screams that it is all an act, that deep down, they still resent each other.

When did they decide they were going to love each other again?

How could they love, and lose each other, then fall back together again?

They’d never told him the why of their separation. He was just forced to accept it, just as he was forced to accept that the once broken patch was now magically mended.

What kind of sick, twisted fairytale did it paint?

I don’t understand your love, he felt like yelling.

He wanted answers, but at the same time, he didn’t know how to voice his questions. So he swallowed them, along with his banana, and informed his parents he was going to game with Jae upstairs.