Page 28

Then

It was a conversation he wasn’t meant to hear, but one that shifted his world forever.

Seth was on his way to the toilet from his economics class upstairs, when he heard their voices drifting from below the set of stairs he was descending.

“You and Seth seem to be friendly with each other more often lately,” Bianca said, her voice echoing the slightest around the empty locker bay.

“Friendly, but not friends. It’s always been like that.”

That was Nina’s voice. His body reacted accordingly, with sweaty palms and a beating heart. He crept down the stairs more slowly, softening his footsteps.

“Would you be happy just being his friend?”

“Is that even a question? Of course.”

He crouched beside the stair railing, leaning forward. Seth knew he shouldn’t be listening to this private conversation, but he couldn’t help himself. It’s Nina.

“But you still like him,” Bianca stated.

Seth froze, his breath quickening.

“Yes, of course,” Nina replied, instantly. Like a habit.

Her voice had become a little quieter, but Seth could still hear.

“How?” Bianca asked, exasperated, “Aren’t you tired of liking someone who just…doesn’t give back?

There was no response for a bit. Seth’s heart pounded with every passing second, anticipating Nina’s next words.

“Sometimes I am,” she replied. The subtle defeat in her voice had Seth’s chest aching. “But sometimes I think it’s worth it.”

“Really? Him? Nina, you could truly be with whoever you wanted.”

“Oh, I don’t think so B -”

“You are so beautiful, Nina, and other than that, you’re hella smart too.”

A sigh resonated.

“But you know who I want.”

Seth’s heart stumbled on her words.

It was Bianca’s turn to sigh.

“If you like him, then just ask him out? It’s time for him to fall for you . You’ve got to at least try Nina. You’ve pined for this boy long enough,” Bianca encouraged.

That’s when Seth heard their footsteps. He scrambled upward, tripping a little on the steps, before composing himself. They ended up going in the opposite direction, away from Seth.

With a deep breath, he paused on the steps.

Thing is, Nina didn’t even need to try. His heart was drawn to hers too. Always.

Nina still likes me.

After five years, Nina still had feelings for him .

Seth wished he hadn’t heard the conversation between Nina and Bianca under the stairs. It’s all he could think about now, a silent tide, crashing against him.

For the next couple of days, he could hardly focus.

In English, he didn’t pay attention to the Shakespeare techniques and metaphors and whatever of it all.

During Math, he fumbled a little on the practice test (though he still got 80%).

It wasn’t until Wednesday afternoon, after lunch, when Seth and Joshua were on their way to their free study period classroom, that things escalated.

They crossed the main courtyard of picnic benches where most students hung out for lunch.

That’s when he spotted Nina; her hair was in braids today - a camera in one hand and a microphone in the other.

She seemed to be approaching different groups of students, interviewing them for something. The sight of her enthralled Seth.

She was so focused, so confident. The way she held stance, the furrow in her eyebrows.

Beside him, Joshua scoffed. This caught Seth’s attention, and he flickered his gaze toward him.

“She’s so weird, man,” Joshua murmured, shaking her head.

“Who, Nina?”

It’d been a while since Joshua mentioned Nina. Or teased him about her.

Joshua and Nina hardly ever spoke much, except for brief exchanges in class, so why was he always so antagonistic toward her? Dennis glanced on from next to Joshua, his brows furrowing in concern. He never disagreed with Joshua, but Seth sensed that he didn’t like how Joshua acted either.

Joshua groaned loudly.

“Yeah, and like, her little camera crew.”

“She’s just filming and doing videos for the school, man,” Seth retorted, rolling his eyes.

Sometimes, he was so sick of Joshua’s attitude. About Nina. About everything. He had this knack to pick on every little thing, just for the sake of it. To feel bigger, stronger.

“Aw, is widdle Seth gaining some f- w -eelings?” Joshua cooed as they climbed the stairs, and once they reached the top, he threw his arm around Seth in a headlock.

Joshua buried his knuckle against his head in a ruffle. Struggling against his grasp, Seth pushed him away.

If Joshua didn’t stop right now…

“God, do you ever just shut the fuck up,” Seth exclaimed. Seriously, sometimes that guy could really get under his skin.

“God, calm down bro, I’m just joking,” Joshua retorted, adding a scoff that set Seth’s skin ablaze, “Your defensiveness though, it kind of makes me suspicious.”

He walked into the empty classroom, without bothering to line up outside.

Flames licked at Seth’s cheeks, as alarm bells rang throughout his brain.

He sees right through you he sees right through you he sees right -

“Don’t insult me like that,” Seth bit out, with cold amusement, following Joshua into the room.

As the words formed in his head, every cell in Seth’s body yelled at him not to say it. Not to speak the untruth. Not to lie.

Stop lying to yourself, he screamed.

But Seth was a 17-year-old boy, who didn’t know any better.

He didn’t realise that there was no sin against finding a girl beautiful, regardless of the fact that she wasn’t popular.

Regardless of the fact that she didn’t rank high on these childish lists the boys in his cohort created to determine these girls’ worth, like they were prizes.

No - because Seth didn’t give a shit about that.

Nina Mendez had a smile like the sun, and a laugh that gave him fireworks.

He’d known that for a long time, with every second he spent with her in class, with every moment he heard her voice drift from across the room and read him.

With every joke he heard her tell her friends, with every time she’d present in class and she’d resolve his peers to giggles.

With every style she’d weave her hair into, whether it be a braid, or pigtails, or half-up-half-down.

Seth had always been led to believe that guys like him don’t look at girls like her.

But it was all wrong. All wrong.

Girls like her don’t look at guys like him.

She wanted to confess her feelings to him, all over again. How she’d liked him this long, he wasn’t sure.

But God, he wanted to scream every time she glanced at him, with a blush on her cheeks.

He felt the same.

But he couldn’t. What would his friends say? The ones who snickered the moment they found out that Nina Mendez liked him?

The ones who, whenever they’d rated girls in class, Nina was always a second thought?

They’d exile him. Banish him. Abandon him.

And then, he’d be all alone at school too, just like he was at home.

“What?” Joshua scoffed.

Seth shut down. Let the voices of his friends take the wheel in his mind.

“Don’t insult me, mate,” Seth repeated, a heartless laugh sounding from his throat, “Me? Liking a girl like Nina ? Fuck man, have you seen the other girls in our grade?”

Joshua’s lips twisted, amused. Satisfied.

“But you were so defe-”

“Bro, she’s nothing compared to the others. God, how could you think I’d go for someone like Nina ? She’s not my fucking type, never has been, she’s not even pretty, and I’m not about to throw the U word out there but just -”

“Okay, okay, we get it,” Joshua guffawed, throwing his head back.

Seth felt sick. He didn’t even feel like himself. Everything felt distant, like he’d just astral projected right out of his own body. He watched his lips form this twisted smirk, like he was so pleased with himself.

Joshua clapped him on the back, this resounding thing that rung through Seth’s bones.

That’s when he heard it. The sniffles.

Then -

“You’re an asshole Seth. What is wrong with you?”

Bianca’s voice echoed across the hallways. They hadn’t been as discreet as they’d hoped - their classmates were now forming a single line outside the classroom now, ready to come in.

One of them had been Nina.

Outside the classroom, Seth could hear Nina, quietly sobbing, as she whisked away, the camera she was filming with before, still in her grasp. He heard her friends call out to her softly, but she ignored them.

Each sound, a bullet against his heart.

Veronica stepped into the classroom, her eyes shifting between the two boys.

“Are you happy now, dickheads?

“Bianca - Veronica - Now -” Seth began, his voice quivering, and anxiety squeezing his chest. He released a shaky chuckle.

“It’s no big deal,” Joshua interjected, rolling his eyes, “God -”

“You know what, fuck you both,” Bianca yelled, before she and Veronica exited the room, following in Nina’s direction.

“Girls are so dramatic, geez,” Joshua retorted once more, as he took his seat.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Seth tried to catch Nina’s attention, to somehow apologise to her. What could he even say though?

His words played on a torturous loop in his mind. He hated himself for saying that, but most of all, he hated hurting Nina.