Page 26

Then

It’d been almost a year since Seth’s Mum moved out of the house. Seth always thought that the Mum kept the house, not the Dad. But what did it even matter?

Mum wanted to experience the cityscape. City living. He wondered if she went to bars and clubs every night, if she sidled up next to single men.

Living with his Dad was no different. It was still quiet. Still .

Sometimes, his Dad came home so late into the night, that Seth pretended to already be asleep. Not that he’d even care.

So the new year wasn’t new for him, and wasn't worth celebrating.

When the school year started, Seth felt his energy already depleted. Year 10, and he was all ready to graduate. To leave this place. He was tempted to drop out, to take a TAFE course, but he knew deep down that he’d be hit with momentous regret.

Joshua and Will didn’t notice. Or, if they had, they didn’t ask about it. Why would they, anyway? Their friendship was built on the basis of video gaming, sports and senseless talks about girls.

Seth doubted they even knew about his home situation, because he’d never brought it up.

In class, Seth didn’t feel the drive to draw attention to himself anymore. He stopped answering questions with silly, stupid answers, and he stopped trying to flirt with the same girls over and over.

Without realising it, he’d withdrawn into himself. He played soccer every second day. He laughed and listened at Joshua’s stories about the girls he’d hooked up with over the holidays.

Yet, it was as though a part of him had floated out of his body, and he was watching everything unfold.

He wondered if he should pull himself back, to at least enjoy his time out of the house. But no one noticed, no one cared, so why should he? Why should he feel?

Except, he was wrong.

It happened on a random Tuesday afternoon. They’d just finished their practical PE lesson, where they’d played four rounds of oz tag. As always, Seth excelled at it, finding it to be a breeze.

He’d flown through it, almost thoughtlessly, mindlessly. Still unfeeling.

It wasn’t until he was putting the sports markers from the field back into the sporting shed, that a voice broke through his daze.

“Seth?”

It was just his name, yet it was the tone carrying it, the weight behind it, that woke him up. He turned, and spotted Nina behind him, carrying a few sports markers of her own. She must’ve been assigned as well, by their teacher, Mr. Bernston.

“Oh, hi,” Seth responded, “What is it?”

He and Nina…it’d been almost four years since she first confessed her love for him on the hall steps. A long time, really. Seth wondered if she still felt something for him.

I doubt it.

Since then, it's gotten easier chatting with her. Over the past year, her timidness had shrunk, and she acted normally around him now. There had still been glimpses of red on her cheeks, but other than that, it was as if there’d been no crush at all.

The thought of it made Seth oddly nostalgic. As if, he wanted to bottle up her strange feelings for him, for himself. To indulge in it, to bask in it.

Then, the smallest part of him whispered, to return it.

“I just - I wanted to -” Nina shifted from side to side, her gaze falling from his.

Oh gosh, is she going to confess again?

Seth’s heart hammered at the thought, his throat closing up. He swallowed, and his eyes fell to his shoes, his ears heating up in a pit of nervousness and anticipation.

“I wanted to ask if you’re okay?”

It wasn’t what he was expecting. His gaze snapped upward, meeting Nina’s brown eyes once again. They held his gaze this time, and he saw it so clearly.

Concern, swimming so vividly in her stare.

“I - what?”

“Seth, I’ve noticed…You’ve been acting differently.

You’ve been more quiet. I just wanted to see if everything is okay with you,” she dropped her gaze again, and he wanted to tell her to not look away.

He wanted to be ensnared in those warm eyes of hers.

“Sorry if I’m overstepping. I know we don’t really talk but I just - I was just worried, that’s all. ”

Her genuine care poured over him, enveloping him in a hug. It’d been a feeling he wasn’t accustomed to, a sensation he rarely felt. Nina cared for him, regardless of their situation.

Regardless of the fact that they hardly spoke, barely interacted except for stolen glances that he was sure both of them were aware of. He kept her at a distance, but close enough to still feel her warmth. It’d been like that for four years now.

“Oh, I’m - I um - yes. I’m okay.”

It was all he could muster, all his brain could form. Nina held his gaze once more.

“I hope you are. I’ve missed your jokes in class, Seth.”

She stepped forward, and for a moment he thought she was going to give him a hug. But no, she was just putting the sports markers back on the shelf behind him.

Her arm brushed his, and he felt a spark at the point of contact.

“Thank you, Nina,” he murmured.

She stepped backward, and nodded.

Then, her lips stretched into a smile.

“I hope this means that my favourite class clown will be coming back. It’s been…a little dimmer without your antics. As idiotic and annoying as they are.”

He was taken aback by her brazenness, something that he hadn’t seen directed at him often. Then Seth reminded himself that this was the girl who had to live with the fact her secret crush hadn’t been so secret for long.

That kind of thing would’ve surely made someone a little more shameless.

He chuckled, and the action made him feel like himself again.

“Did you just call me an idiot, Nina Mendez?”

“The best kind, don’t you worry.”

After that, she scrambled out the door, as if it were a confession.

The next morning during the first science period, Seth found his eyes drawn to Nina. He often watched her, even when he didn’t realise. Like his gaze and undivided attention were wired to him.

Her hair was tied into two low buns.

Halfway through the class, Nina called her friends to watch her. She crumpled up one of her notes, a useless one perhaps, and tried to shoot it into the bin. It missed by just a centimetre.

Her friends laughed along with her, as she got up. She stepped backward, by about two metres, and tried to shoot again.

It missed once more.

Seth hid his laugh beneath his palm.

Then, Nina tried for the last time. She stepped closer to the bin this time, only half a metre away. Turning her back on it, she tossed the paper over her shoulder.

It should’ve made it in, but it rebounded off the wall, and hit her knees.

She erupted into laughter, along with her friends, and the sound of it reverberated through his body. Created an earthquake.

It was on that Wednesday morning, at approximately 9:15 am, that Seth accepted it.

He liked Nina Mendez.

Truly, irrevocably. Irreparably.

For a while, for years.

But he could never admit it. Not even entirely to himself.