Page 25

Now

The train rides returned, as though it’d never stopped. Seth and Nina fell back into their rightful routine, like nothing had changed.

For the first couple of days that they met up again, Seth got there extra early so he could get her favourite mint hot chocolate at a cafe nearby the train station. He wanted to show her just how serious he was about his apology. To amend what he’d done, and truly make up for it.

Nina was surprised, and insisted many times that it was nothing. But deep down, Seth could see how much she appreciated the gesture.

Their conversations fell back into its steady pace, interchanging between recalling vague memories from high school, to chatting about their mundane lives, to discussing pop culture likes and interests.

It continued like that, for the rest of May, when the leaves from April’s autumn finally gave in and coloured the ground with its shades of orange, maroon and brown. During the last couple weeks of May, Nina had excused herself from their train rides, because of her end of semester exams.

Seth had noticed how she’d started to chew her cheek more, and pick at her nails.

He kept assuring her that she’ll do amazing, that she’s the best person at English he’d ever known. Nina laughed it off, claiming that he only knew that from her reputation in high school.

On the morning of her exam, Seth texted her beforehand.

Seth: Good luck! You’re going to smash it :) Text me as soon as you finish

She replied only half-an-hour later.

Nina: I’m so nervous…ahhh! But thank you :) I will!

For himself, Seth kept on working hard at the internship, while also chipping away at his capstone project.

Somehow, making up with Nina again had fuelled him.

Inspired by her drive and passion for her course, he himself spent one night in May expanding on his brainstorm points that he’d done back in April.

Inspired by his love for horror games, he decided on the idea of a first-person, puzzle and action driven narrative set at a research facility of sorts. It was still hazy, but it was something.

Finally, June rolled by, along with the full blast of the cold, winter weather.

Seth, himself, still had to come into uni, but Nina’s first trimester was already complete. He actually dreaded having to catch the train by himself, and tried not to dwell on how much he missed her presence.

After all, he couldn’t let himself think about her as more than a friend right now. Not while she had someone else in her heart. It wasn’t fair to him , or to her.

Or their friendship, which was becoming one of the best parts of his life.

It was on a Wednesday night, in the first week of June, that Nina managed to slither her way back into Seth’s daily routine. After having dinner with his family, and having no brain energy at all to work on his capstone, he texted Nina to ask what she was doing.

Nina: I’m just watching Parasite rn. It’s on Netflix - was gonna watch it with the fam but they didn’t feel like it haha. Wbu?

Seth: Nothing really. My brain is way too fried rn to work on anything, so I’m just chilling, trying to decide what to do. Maybe game?

Nina: I’d encourage you to keep working but, same. Do something chill, you deserve it!

Seth closed his eyes, as he let the echo of Nina’s voice wash over him. With every message she sent, he could always imagine the words coming from her mouth, could hear the bright tone she always possessed.

He was suddenly struck with the desire to just be with her. But he couldn’t.

So instead…

Seth: What part are you up to?

He pulled his laptop from his desk, and onto his bed. Then, he brought up his own Netflix profile.

Nina: I’m about half-an-hour into the movie. Why?

Quickly, he scrubbed through the timeline and reached half-an-hour into the movie. Then, he called her up.

“Hello?” she asked, her tone confused.

“Catch me up on what’s been happening,” Seth told her.

“What?”

“I have Netflix up and I’m gonna watch the movie with you. Give me a little dot point summary of what’s been happening before so I’m not lost.”

What was meant to be a two hour movie, turned into four, because they kept pausing and rewinding.

Nina was a talker when watching movies, commenting on mundane things or stopping to analyse a plot point further.

Seth was the opposite, and admittedly, he always disliked whenever he was interrupted when watching something.

Back when his Mum lived by herself, and he visited her apartment, they’d always spend their nights watching movies. And his Mum never stopped talking.

So why was it, when Nina did it, it became his favourite thing in the world?

Maybe, next time, he’ll let his Mum talk too. And his Dad, since he chatted as well.

Eventually, that one night in June turned into an almost nightly routine of picking a movie on Netflix, and watching it together. By mid-June, Seth and Nina had watched a total of fourteen movies together.

Toward the end of June, after a month of nightly movies, Seth felt the ache of Nina withdrawals. Physically, he hadn’t seen her since the end of May, after her last class. He missed her, more than he should.

Missed the way she sipped from her mint chocolate, sitting beside him, with her large, white tote bag and Hello Kitty keychain.

Yet, he was just her friend, so he tried to water down the intensity of how much he missed her.

It was normal though, wanting to see your friend. Missing your friend.

But was it normal to want to kiss your friend? No, stop. He wouldn’t think about that. Couldn’t.

So, he asked her out on a shopping outing to Parramatta mall, to change things up from their frequent visits to Sydney.

A friendly outing, and nothing more. Other than the double-friend-date with Jae and Anya, he and Nina hadn’t really hung out outside of their train rides.

Thankfully, she was free on the last weekend of June. Originally, she was going to go out to check out a new cafe with her sister, Elena, but Elena had sadly fallen sick.

“You look like a creampuff.”

The laugh that escaped Seth’s lips only deepened Nina’s playful scowl. The late June air was growing chillier with each day, and Nina had wrapped her neck in a red scarf, pushing her cheeks upward.

She reminded Seth of a marshmallow. He reached forward, poking her cheek.

“It’s not like you look any hotter, michelin man, ” Nina scoffed, swatting away Seth’s fingers.

It was true. Today he’d packed on the layers, wearing a shirt, a jumper, and a long coat atop of it all. Come to think of it, the combination wasn’t clever at all. He felt stiff in all the fabric.

“But you always think I’m hot, don’t you Nina Mendez? ” he cooed, poking at her sides. She swatted at him once more, blowing an exaggerated puff through her cheeks.

“So full of yourself, as always.”

Before he even formed a response, she’d snaked her tote through his arms. “Hold my bag for me, quickly?”

Then, she readjusted her scarf, untightening it so that she looked less like she was being choked. The action freed her nape, and she rotated her neck, stretching it out. Her hair was splayed outward, and Seth noticed it’d grown a little over the last couple months.

Natural blush had settled over Nina’s cheeks, likely from the cold.

“Scrutinising me, are you?”

Nina’s voice shook him from his momentary daze. He’d been staring.

Stop. You can’t think like that anymore.

Thankfully, the train arrived, with its piercing shriek demanding their attention. They were able to grab a two-seater, with Nina by the window.

On the train ride, they argued over superheroes, and which one of their favourites could beat who.

Nina’s favourite superhero was Spiderman, while Seth’s favourite was Daredevil. They came to the agreement that Spiderman would definitely just want to be besties with Daredevil easily, but Seth secretly agreed that Spiderman would beat Daredevil’s ass anyday. It’d be a close call, though.

Being Nina’s friend was so easy. Second-nature, at this point, that Seth once again chastised his younger self for denying this all throughout high school.

Moments like this made Seth wonder whether his ‘crush’ on Nina was misplaced. Maybe, he just really wanted to be her friend. Really loved being her friend. His feelings were strong, no doubt, but the strength didn’t mean it was romantic.

Once they reached the train station, a voice from across the platform caught Nina’s attention.

“Nina!”

No.

As Nina turned, Seth noticed the shift in her expression immediately. Her lips parted. Her cheeks flushed. Eyes fluttered. They were all tells that Seth was too familiar with in high school.

“Hi, Carlos,” Nina greeted, as Carlos sauntered up to them. It’d also been two months since Nina had mentioned Carlos. She never really talked about him. Seth kept his eyes trained on his shoes.

“Uh - Carlos this is Seth. He’s a friend of mine, from high school,” she said, patting Seth’s arm. “And Seth - this is -”

Seth lifted his head, and was met with Carlos’ warm gaze.

“Carlos, it’s nice to meet you,” Carlos spoke, with a charming grin. He thrust out his hand, and Seth took his time to return the shake.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you live in the city?” Nina asked, her voice bright. Her gaze was glued on Carlos, and Seth felt oddly like an afterthought. He stepped backward as the two of them ventured forward, down the escalator exit, lost in a bubble.

“I was sleeping over at my cousin’s house last night. My Tia is visiting from Mexico,” he said.

Seth pushed his hands into his jacket pockets, trying his best to look anywhere but in front of him.

Yet, he couldn’t resist. His gaze raked over Nina’s movements, her mannerisms as she laughed along with whatever Carlos said.

That look, that look, that look. Fuck, it’s how she used to look at him, and it was torturous.

And it was then that Seth realised he wasn’t over Nina.

He was never over Nina. How could he ever be over someone like her?