Page 22

Now

There were many things that Seth prided himself on.

Most of all, his ability to escape.

Like in high school, when Joshua would rattle off on his rants about girls, or teachers, or homework, or life, and Seth escaped his own distaste by just laughing along.

Or the times in class when Nina Mendez’ gentle smile and soft voice set off a fire in Seth’s stomach that he’d never felt before, and he would dismiss it as nothing.

Best of all, was Seth’s ability to escape during the nights when his parents had their biggest fights, and he’d turn to gaming, or music, with the volume turned on the highest, because it was only then that their shouts were replaced.

Then, there was the separation, when Mum moved out to stay with her sister, almost an hour away. That’s when the men, the women, trickled in.

Could you even call it affairs, when there’d be many of them, in so little time? And could you call it affairs, when both parties were doing it?

He remembered the days his Mum would complain about her Dad. The nights that he and his Dad would spend alone, in the living room, munching on last-night's leftovers.

But he also remembered the tears. The wails of his Mum, when she thought he couldn’t hear. The soft sobs of his all-tough, all-mighty Dad.

Again, Seth turned the volume on high. Gaming. Music. Jogging. Anything to escape.

Eventually, his parents found their way back to each other, when Seth was 20 years old. But it was too late.

Somewhere down the line, in the in-between years, Seth decided.

If that was love, then Seth didn’t want it.

And so, he pushed away any possible hint of love.

Of feeling it, of experiencing it.

Seth always knew how to block out the noise. How to run away from his feelings.

And that’s what he did. He couldn’t face the failure, the humiliation, the overbearing weight of his feelings for Nina that would never become. The knowledge that he was too late, that it was his fault was too much.

So he did what he did best.

Run.