Page 21
Story: If Only
Now
“Sorry, you were saying something?”
Nina held the mint chocolate cup between her hands, and her eyes were now on his.
But everything had changed.
The world bent around him, shifted, darkened.
She was interested in someone else, and here Seth was, sitting in front of her, feeling like a fool. He bent his neck downward, trying not to betray the hurricane that was tormenting his mind, onto his face. Nina couldn’t know, at all.
“Oh, nothing,” Seth said, with an unbothered chuckle.
“Are you sure? Your face looks like it’s lost all colour.”
Nina’s eyebrows pinched in concern, and she reached her hand forward, toward Seth’s cheek. Instinctively, he dodged her touch, like one would escape a flame. Her touch would’ve been enough to crack the dam that was barely holding his emotions together.
Hurt registered on her face, but it disappeared as quickly as he saw it. Still, guilt blossomed in his stomach.
“I might just be winded from the walk over here,” he tried for a lighthearted joke, “I’m not as fit as I was back in the day, you know?”
Nina smiled at his poor attempt to brighten the mood again. She took a sip from her mint chocolate.
“You mean the walk from the light rail to here?” she was trying to cut through the air, and for that he was both grateful and even more guilty. “Thank you for this, by the way. You really didn’t have to.”
I wanted to.
“So, uh, who was that guy you said bye to?”
“Who, Carlos?
“Yeah?”
“Oh - uh,” Nina reached up, and began to tug at her earlobe, scraping at it softly with her nail. Seth noticed it was growing a shade of red. “He’s a peer of mine. We had to work together on some projects last year. Why do you ask?”
Swallowing, Seth decided to rip off the bandaid.
“You seemed into him.”
His suspicions were confirmed when Nina’s face bloomed red. The sight sent a violent wave of jealousy, and a strange cloud of nostalgia over him.
“Oh? He uh - Well - I - uh -”
Nina was stuttering, her words getting tangled the moment they left her mouth. Seth wanted to feel amused. He wanted to tease her openly, genuinely, as a friend would do another, but all he felt was emptiness. Still, he pocketed the sorrow, and grinned cheekily.
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Okay, maybe, yes,” Nina admitted, huffing out. “But, it’s like a normal crush. Nothing serious or whatever.”
“So, are you going to tell him?” Seth asked. He wasn’t sure why he was pushing for answers, but he needed to know.
How much do you like him?
Do you like him more than you liked me?
Was it serious when it was me?
“No! No, I don’t plan on it, god ,” she said, flustered. Then, with a quirk of her lips, she said, “I’m not like how I was in high school, professing my love atop hall steps for everyone to hear.”
The memory jump started his heart.
“What a shame,” he said, “Carlos is missing out, then.”
As the words left his lips, she lifted her chin, her eyes meeting his. He held her gaze, a second longer. Trying to tell her with his eyes all that raged inside of him. Everything that his lips failed to form.
Nina got a call, then, from one of her peers. They were wondering if she’d like to join them for some drinks. Carlos would be there, apparently.
Nina glanced at Seth questioningly, like she didn’t want to leave him to catch the train home alone.
He laughed. Playing the part of the unbothered one.
“Go ahead, I’ve got lectures I need to catch up on on the way home anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“Nina, I’m perfectly capable of going home by myself. How do you think I survived the past three years?”
“Just promise you won’t get mugged on the way home.”
“That one, I can’t guarantee. But I’ll try my best, just for you.”
It was ridiculously endearing, the way she worried over him. It warmed him up inside, like he’d taken a gulp of honey.
She gave him a hug, and he wished she hadn’t. He never wanted her to let go. As she headed in the opposite direction, Seth called out, “Good luck with your crush!”
Nina only gave him a small smile, but her eyes danced happily.
When he reached the platform, he’d missed the train. He hadn’t been able to catch the one he wanted. The one that brought him home on time.
He’d been a step too late. And now, it was gone.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21 (Reading here)
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43