Page 20

Now

Everything was on high volume, from the moment Seth got out of bed on Monday morning, his body tense with steady anticipation.

His stomach caved itself in, dismissing any hint of appetite, his heart hammering helplessly against his chest. Nina’s face passed his mind with every second, her smile pulsing along with his heart.

On Sunday, Jae had texted Seth, asking how it all went with Nina. Of whether he finally asked her out on a date.

Seth: I mean, sort of?

Jae: What do you mean sort of?

Seth: Well last night I asked if she wanted to hang out again, just the two of us. She said she’d love to

Jae: And then?

Seth: She left

Jae: Bro, you didn’t set a date? A time or place?

Seth read the message over and over, embarrassment suddenly settling over him. He thought that the way he and Nina had left things was honestly fine, but now with Jae’s input, he was overthinking it all.

Seth: No? I guess I left it up to interpretation

As soon as he pressed send on the message, he knew it sounded absolutely stupid. Leave a date up to interpretation? What was that?

Jae: You’re hopeless.

Seth: I’ll just ask her out tomorrow. Like full on, just ask her on a date. No more playing around

His heart raced at the thought.

How would she react? He imagined her pupils dilating, those deep brown eyes of hers widening, her lips parting. Heat pooled across Seth’s cheeks as he thought of how Nina would feel, his fingers around her waist. Her lips against his.

When he met her at the train station that morning, he was afraid that everything was written plainly on his face.

That he was transparent. Today, she’d worn a plaid skirt that fell just above her knees, a white turtleneck tucked neatly within it.

God, she looked so good. He hated it. He hated her. Not really, though.

They’d chatted idly, about the most mundane topics on the train ride.

It was mostly Nina, who gushed about the movie When Harry Met Sally, which she’d rewatched “ for the 5th time this year, alone!”, and Seth tried his best to keep up with her words.

He failed hopelessly, with only one thought nipping at him.

How will you confess? How will you ask her out? What will you say?

These questions floated in a disruptive orbit and she must’ve sensed his distress, because at one point, only three stations from their destination, Nina had stopped talking.

“You haven’t said anything all morning,” she pointed out, “Is everything okay? Oh my gosh, am I boring you?”

She gasped, in mock insult, though he feared that deep down, she thought she was.

“Yeah just -” he paused, words biting at his tongue. “Wasn’t Harry a dick to Sally most of his life?”

Nina tilted her head in thought, “I mean, when they met, sure he was a dick. But clearly he’d matured by the time they finally grew their friendship.”

“But he’s still kind of a dick. Or has his dick-ish elements floating around.”

Thank goodness Seth has seen the movie himself, once before. It was during one of his stays with his Mum, in the apartment rising, a year before she got back together with his Dad.

Nina chuckled a little.

“Sure, he was still a dick at points, but Sally does well to smooth him out and call all of it out.”

His fingers curled itself around the loose thread of his jeans. He couldn’t help but think of high-school Seth, dick-Seth, who deserved none of Nina’s love.

“Okay, so how would you rate his love confession, against all the grand love confessions you’ve watched and read about?” Seth asked.

The question seemed to surprise her, with her eyebrows shooting upward.

“Oh I mean, isn’t it every girl’s dream to be seen the way Harry saw Sally? To be loved in details, to be loved in all those small moments added up? I’d say his love confession ranks pretty high in my cards.”

Nina kept her eyes focused on his face, and he wondered if she could read his thoughts.

Thoughts that involved figuring out whether Nina wanted to be asked out spontaneously or romantically. Someone like her, who always carried a romance book in high school, would want something grand, wouldn’t she?

Seth didn’t know if he could do grand. Or romantic. Maybe she’d prefer something simple, but meaningful.

She nudged him, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Why do you ask? Are you planning to grandly confess your love to someone?” she laughed a little, but Seth’s cheeks deepened, breath quickening, stricken by the sudden fear that his cover had been blown.

“I couldn’t ever be capable of it,” he retorted, and it was only half-true. For Nina, he could be willing, but would he really be able to pull it off?

“Don’t sell yourself short, Seth. I think you’re more capable than you think.”

At lunch break, Seth caught Jae at the food court of the university campus. Upon spotting him, Jae clasped his hands around Seth’s shoulders.

“Are you nervous?”

He was terrified, but Jae didn’t need to know that. Seth shrugged, as if to say, nothing I haven’t done before.

“The sooner I tell her my feelings, the better I’ll feel,” Seth said.

“And if she doesn’t return them?”

That possibility is one Seth didn’t want to focus on. Or prepare for.

“Then I move on with my life,” Seth responded, plainly.

Even if Nina didn’t return his feelings, it wouldn’t need to be the end of the world. Seth would move on. He and Nina could talk normally as friends. Maybe they’d drift, and this was just a momentary phase.

But, as much as he could, Seth didn’t want to dwell on that.

Diverting the conversation, Seth asked Jae about Anya. It’s going well for them, Jae said. There’s clear interest on both parties, but Jae was a little more conservative. He wanted to court Anya, win her over with traditional means of dates and presents, before they both committed.

Seth never thought that as an option in his head. Courting, as Jae called it, never crossed his mind.

He’s unsure whether his parents ever courted each other.

They met in high school, and married in their first year of university. Then came the separation. Still, the concept fascinated Seth. Would Nina like that?

Afterward, they quickly got distracted over the news that a really popular gaming company was exposed in a controversial mass-layoff, due to unethical practices in the workplace.

One of the most important things that Seth gained from his course was his shift in where he wanted to work.

No longer did he want to work for the big-big names, at least not right now.

From all the indie teams that’d come in to present, to his time at the internship, he’s grown an appreciation for the smaller, independent companies that poured everything into their projects.

It was the same passion that reminded him of Nina, too. A passion that he wanted to feel.

The minutes ticked by slowly, until it was 3 pm, signalling the end of his day. As he stepped out of his last classroom, every nerve on his body rose prolifically. Conversations around him merged into a blur, and Seth’s mind could only focus on one thing.

Nina.

What would he say?

Should he just say it outright? I have feelings for you.

Should he offer her some sort of explanation? I know it’s been four years and we only reconnected like almost a month ago and I’m sorry it took long, but I like you now and want to take you out on a real date.

Was he too late?

No, he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

He passed by a coffee shop on the way to the light rail, and took a moment to order a mint hot chocolate. Today, it was a little bit chillier. Seth knew how much Nina loved her mint chocolate.

As he waited for the order to be made, he shot a quick text to Nina.

Seth: how’s class?

Nina: fun!!! Just looking into the origins of Mary Shelley and Frankenstein. She’s so cool

“For Seth?”

Seth glanced up, the voice tearing him from his little Nina bubble. He caught his reflection against the mirror behind the counter and hadn’t realised he was smiling widely.

“Thank you,” he said to the barista.

He held the cup between his hands, keeping it warm. He hoped it’d still be warm when he reached Nina.

Within minutes, Seth arrived at the UNSW stop.

Stepping off the light rail, he made his way across the road, already spotting the long pathway that wound through different buildings.

He spotted a basketball court in the distance, and thought about how nice this place was.

It gave him the impression of those American high-schools he saw in movies.

There was no way of finding out which building Nina was in, so he sat at the first free bench he could find. His heart thrummed uneven patterns through his body.

He set the mint chocolate down, feeling a chill run through him once he let go. How long until Nina was finished for the day?

To pass time, Seth updated himself on his social media, scrolling mindlessly through posts from distant peers that meant nothing to him. Half an hour flew by, and he was growing restless.

He sent Nina another text.

Seth: You finishing soon?

Nina: Lucky you, just finished now!

Boom. Boom.

His heart reacted violently, beating against his chest. His legs vibrated, making the wooden bench shake. A crowd of students passed by him.

Was Nina among them? He curled his fingers, squeezing his hand closed.

He heard her laughter, first, before he saw her.

He glanced up, and there she was, her smile wide as she spoke with a couple of peers. His breath was sharp, catching at his throat, and he swallowed.

Nina hadn’t noticed him yet. Seth stood from where he sat.

“Nina,” he called out, once she was close enough. She perked up the moment her name left his lips, her neck whipping to and fro, trying to find him among the crowd. He was taller than her, granting him an advantage.

She swivelled her body, and the moment her eyes landed on him, her grin widened.

“Seth!” she enthused, approaching him. She pulled him into a hug, her fingers pressing against his back. He felt her touch seering through the fabric of his shirt. “Why are you here?’

Once Nina pulled away, he handed her the mint chocolate. Her eyes glistened in surprise, and if it wasn’t already possible, her grin stretched more.

“For me?”

“Yes. I wanted to surprise you, and thought you might be cold.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet.”

She’d stepped closer, he noticed.

“Actually, Nina, there’s something I-”

“Nina!”

A deep voice tore through the space between them. Nina skittered backward, and her attention landed on a warm looking, bronze-skinned boy. He was smiling at Nina.

“Carlos,” Nina greeted, grinning at the boy - Carlos.

Carlos congratulated Nina today on class, telling her that she was welcome to ask for his help on the homework, if she needed.

Seth stood by, the interaction unfolding before him, a strange, sharp sensation striking him in small zaps with every word.

His own smile had faded. Could this Carlos go away now?

It felt like forever until Carlos finally said his goodbye.

Finally .

Seth turned to Nina, and saw that her eyes were bright. Round. Stars danced before them, as she muttered a goodbye to her peer. Then, he watched as her gaze followed him toward the light rail bay.

His stomach plummeted, as if he’d dropped from a building. He knew that look all too well. It was a look he was all too familiar with. One that had recently haunted his dreams the past few nights.

How Nina had looked at Carlos, her pupils dilated, her lips parted ever-so slightly...

That was how she used to look at him .