Page 15

Story: If Only

Then

It was during the winter school holidays of ninth grade, when Seth was plagued by boredom.

He’d gone out, once, during the two-week break, to hang out with Joshua and Gwendolyn, along with other peers in the grade, who were more friends with Joshua than Seth.

But he tagged along, because he wanted to do anything to get out of the house.

They’d gone out to a park to play some soccer and have a picnic.

Gosh, it was exhausting, that kind of thinking.

But Seth had no choice, did he? Joshua was his only companion, other than Dennis. Without him, he’d be alone in school.

A couple of nights after that outing, he was seized with this unusual desire to hear Nina’s voice.

Mostly, during the holidays, he’d been playing a popular multiplayer battle game - Legendary Heroes - that he and Dennis had discovered recently and grown obsessed with.

Joshua thought that it was a game just for losers, which is why he never played with them.

Oh well, he was missing out.

One night, as Seth and Dennis loaded up a new game, he mentioned that there were others in their cohort that played as well.

“Oh? Who?” Seth asked, his heart beating and riding a high after their gaming squad won another tense one-hour game.

“You know, Bianca, Anthony, Peter,” Dennis informed. There was a beat, “And your girlfriend .”

Something caught against Seth’s throat, and he swallowed. Must be a piece of dust floating from his pc.

“Who?” he asked, feigning boredom and cluelessness. But he knew. Oh, he knew who Dennis was talking about.

“I’m just messing with you, Seth. It’s Nina, she plays too.”

That was definitely a surprise. He never thought her the type to play Legendary Heroes…or the type to play games at all. A strange wave washed over him…something similar to anticipation and impressedness.

“Oh,” Seth said, simply, “Well, you wanna invite them to a game?”

Another beat passed, and Seth could tell Dennis was definitely caught off guard.

“I mean, sure, why not,” he said.

A couple of nights later, Bianca, Anthony and Nina were all available to play. They were all from the same class, so it wasn’t hard to create a Skype group chat among them. It was at about nine, when Dennis pressed call. Seth was the first to answer, and Anthony next.

They made idle conversation amongst each other, and while Seth didn’t usually chat with Anthony much in class, they were friendly enough that it wasn’t awkward. All he remembered was the day Anthony berated Nina endlessly about her crush on Seth.

A part of Seth felt dismayed at him, for that. And another strange part, felt thankful.

A few minutes later, Bianca hopped on.

The moment Seth heard her voice, a feminine tone higher than he’d been hearing with Anthony and Dennis, his heart skipped a beat. Until he realized it was Bianca. He’d found her attractive before, sure, but his heart calmed instantly when he realised it’s Bianca.

“Is Nina coming on soon?” Anthony asked, a question that was on the tip of Seth’s tongue.

“Yeah she is..”

At that, a small ding sounded, signalling a new addition to the call. Seth’s heart seized him, squeezing his chest. He forced his breaths to come naturally. They all waited for Nina to greet them. But there was just silence.

“Why isn’t she answering?” Seth’s voice surprised him. He sunk back into his chair afterward, swallowing the rest of his words.

“Just wait a few seconds,” Bianca said.

“Hi guys, sorry, technical difficulties.”

Her voice was soft, uncertain, but kind and always, always tinged with that brightness that Seth quietly marvelled over.

“Hi,” he replied, because no one else had. His voice sounded croaky and pathetic to his ears.

Everyone else followed suit, greeting Nina. Dennis asked Nina how her night has been, and who her favourite choice of character was. Seth remained silent for most of the welcome, sinking back against his chair, as though to hide the heat that’d crept up.

Nina’s voice grew more confident in itself, louder, and her chuckles sent shivers through him.

But why?

Why over Nina?

He didn’t like her. He didn’t know her.

Seth cleared his throat.

“Let’s start, before it gets too late,” he said.

The game went for an hour, and surprisingly they all made a good team, earning them a victory. Afterward, the group chatted more, about what they’d been doing during the winter holidays. Yet, all their words blurred together, except for one voice. Nina’s.

She’d played well during the game. Given him support multiple times when he’d fumbled on certain attacks. Had always been there, lurking in the shadows, jumping to his rescue when he least expected. She was, in his eyes, the best player.

After that night, for the following few gaming nights, it was mainly just Dennis and Seth playing together. They’d occasionally be joined by Bianca, or Anthony. Sometimes a few others from their cohort they discovered played Legendary Heroes .

Nina didn’t play with them again, didn’t join any Skype calls, even as the gaming group grew larger. Seth carried on, happy to have more people to play with. Yet, a strange hunger gnawed at him. He wanted to hear her voice again, to feel her presence.

There was always something about Nina that comforted him, even if they never exchanged more than two words. She was like a blanket. His safe place. But Seth didn’t know it.

So he quashed the feeling, and after the holidays ended, they all got too busy to play anyway.