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Now

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet today.”

It wasn’t… untrue .

Seth had lost all ability to talk to Nina, the moment the glass shattered before him, and he began to see her in an entirely new light two days ago.

He’d tried to ignore it that Wednesday morning, when his heart first started to quicken at the sight of her. He tried to ignore the way his breaths would quicken when she’d reply to one of his messages.

But now, two days later, he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

How was it that every movement of her lips - from the quirk of a smile, to the way she sipped her mint hot chocolate - sent his stomach into a whirlwind?

Why did his brain care so meticulously over the way her hair stuck to her cheeks sometimes?

Or the way that she’d laugh whenever he’d tell her a ridiculously lame joke, as though he was the funniest person she’d ever met.

Pushing his scattered brain aside, he said, “Nothing uncharacteristic about it.”

Then he regretted it.

God, he sounded so uncool. Why couldn’t he think of cooler things to say?

Nina sat back, confused, and a little bemused. He could tell with the way her brow twitched the slightest, and her lips deepened into a small smile.

And there it was again - his heart. Beating way too fast.

How could this even be possible?

He’d literally only reconnected with her…like two weeks ago.

Has it only been two weeks?

Did things like this even happen quickly?

Seth tried to think back to the last time he had a crush. Sure, he’d had crushes here and there, very brief attractions that’d end after one night spent in their bed, or maybe two - but they’d hardly stuck.

Seth glanced at Nina, who was looking at him expectantly, her brow curved in curiosity.

How on earth did she look so good doing that?

“Definitely uncharacteristic. Seth, you haven’t rambled about the latest game announcements yet,” she said, and he tilted his head. Wow, he didn’t even realise that that’s what he talks about.

“Lucky for you, I checked my Instagram feed this morning. Apparently, Nintendo is going to release another Mario game. And the creators that did the horror game Outlast? They’re in development of a new horror project. Wait, I think I’ve missed some -”

Nina pulled out her phone and squinted at the screen in search. An odd sensation settled over Seth’s chest like petals. Like fire and ice at once.

“You checked that for me?” Seth asked, and his voice dipped a little with a crack.

“Well, yeah. I was excited to chat with you about it. Personally, I’m kind of curious about this new horror game project, even though I’m terrified -”

She glanced up, as if to gauge Seth’s response. But he still had nothing.

His heart quickened as she continued to look at him.

She’s looked at him like this before. This was literally a normal conversation, but now, it was like everything was on high volume.

Every little movement she made, every glance.

Even the way the fingers on her free hand drew circles idly around her empty coffee cup.

It was all sending him on edge.

Get it together dude, he thought.

It’ll fade in a couple of days. He just needed to let it run its course. He was just attracted to her. That’s what it was. Except, usually that was fixed by inviting the other to bed.

Is that all it was? Did he just need to sleep with her to get this over with? It didn’t feel like the case, though.

He hadn’t even thought about it.

Oh god, now the thought was in his head. Seth felt his neck warm.

Nina slapped his knee. He wished his heart didn’t beat like that when she did it.

“Come on, shake out the bad sleep. You don’t want to feel out of it like this for the rest of the day,” she encouraged, with a smile.

Stop smiling at me, he thought.

Something in his face must’ve given away his distress, because Nina’s lips turned downward. Her eyes clouded with concern.

“Sorry…I guess...uni is just stressing me,” Seth blurted, a little pathetically.

Uni? Really?

Sure, uni stressed him out at times, but it wasn’t what was currently stressing him out at that moment. It had everything to do with who was in front of him.

Nina’s face softened. She reached out and grabbed his hand. Seth’s eyes darted down to her fingers touching his, and felt about ready to jump out of the train and let it run over him.

“I get you, don’t worry,” she assured, her voice gentle, “We’re all on the same boat. We’re all still young, in our early twenties, and you’ve been killing it with your internship.”

She was smiling at him, encouragingly, trying to make him feel better. And she did, she made him feel so much more than that. She made him feel stressed, made him feel joy, made him feel like ripping his chest apart all at once.

All Seth could do was manage a smile. At least, what he hoped was a smile, and not a grimace.

“You’re right. Thanks Nina.”

“Obviously I’m right, Seth. Don’t forget it.”

Nina winked at him, retracting her hand, and he wondered if he should’ve continued to appear sad so that she’d hold his hand longer.

Ugh, crushes suck.

Seth couldn’t stop thinking about Nina all day, which pissed him off. Seriously, this wasn’t like him at all. It all felt so high school, and yet, even back then in high school, he was never like this. Not even with the girls he found attracted in class.

He was acting like -

He was acting like high-school Nina.

He tried his hardest to focus on the lectures, but everything went in one ear, the information filtering itself out into barely understandable nonsense, and milked itself out right the other way.

What didn’t leave his head, was Nina’s smile and the feeling of her hand on his. He groaned, right in the middle of a lecture about ethics in the industry, and caught the attention of the speaker.

“I’m sorry, is this boring for you?” the lecturer called out.

All eyes turned to Seth, and he felt his face grow warm.

“No, sorry sir, it’s just difficult for me to understand right now but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Jae nudged him, shooting him a look of suspicion.

Later on after the lecture, he pressed him about it.

“What’s up with you today, man?” Jae asked.

Seth wanted to ask how long it took for a crush to subside, wanted some tips on how to get a girl out of your mind. But Jae had the biggest crush on Anya, one that’s lasted since he first met her, so Jae would be the worst help ever.

Still, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask. After all, the crush may just be a temporary one anyway.

Seth sighed.

“There’s this girl…”

A sudden punch to his arm was what he got. He looked at Jae, surprised, and watched as his friend’s eyes widened in excitement, a mischievous grin stretching across his mouth.

“A girl huh? Who? It’s that Dana girl, isn’t it?”

Dana was a girl who used to be in Seth’s game development tools class during their first year, of whom was in their group for a presentation assignment.

He definitely found her attractive, but never acted on it.

Never felt that drive to, really. Not even to just sleep with, just someone to admire from a distance.

He wondered if what he was feeling for Nina was the same thing.

Seth shook his head.

“No, not her. It’s this….girl from high school.”

Jae raised a brow.

“Oh? An ex?”

She wishes she was an ex …Seth thought, and it made him smile a bit. Not the ex part, but remembering Nina’s crush on him.

“Nah, I didn’t date anyone in high school.”

“An old crush then?”

Seth shook his head and Jae groaned, impatient.

“So, just a random girl from your old high school?”

“Well…she used to have this massive crush on me.”

They’d reached the food court and the aroma sent Seth’s stomach churning. Jae punched his arm again, once he realised he was distracted.

“You’re starting to like a girl who used to like you?” he asked. There was a hint of a smirk on Jae’s face, an expression that deepened the growing heat in Seth’s cheeks.

Am I?

The entire ordeal felt ridiculous, that the urge to laugh suddenly bubbled at the pit of Seth’s stomach.

“I mean - like - I don’t know - I literally only saw her again for the first time in years like a week or so ago,” Seth was blabbering at this point, he knew, and he was really starting to hate the growing grin on Jae’s face.

“So, you have a crush on a girl you’ve only been speaking to for two weeks?”

When he put it like that, it really did sound absurd. Seth felt his cheeks grow warm.

“Okay you know what, whatever, it’ll just fade. I mean, it hasn’t been that long, right? Like - I never get crushes-crushes you know what I mean? This is probably just pure attraction.”

Even as Seth was saying it, he wasn’t sure where the truth ended.

He’d never been in a relationship, and he wasn’t sure if he was interested in being in one.

“That’s the beauty of feelings, my friend. The not knowing. Just go with the flow, and see what happens, you know? Keep doing what you’re doing, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

Jae’s emparting of wisdom lifted Seth’s mood, and he felt a smile twitching.

“Thank you, Jae.”

He bowed, a little exaggeratedly, and Seth laughed. Though, Jae was right. He wouldn’t be overthinking this anymore.

If only young Seth could hear him now. He’d never believe that he’d be feeling this way about Nina Mendez of all people.

Nina Mendez, who revealed to their entire class, the entire school that she liked him.

Nina Mendez, who never used to be able to look him in the eye, who’d blush at just a simple hello from him.

Nina Mendez, the girl who was always around, always there in high volume. The girl who didn’t seem to leave his mind, when he fought against it. The whole situation was absurd.

So, he’ll just let it go.

He’ll let it go.

By the end of the day, Seth wasn’t thinking of her at all. In fact, he almost laughed at himself for making such a big deal out of this supposed crush. He also regretted telling Jae, because he’d teased him non-stop in class.

Seth was just relieved that it faded as quickly as it started. Nina was only a friend, a new friend at that. They shared the same interests, yes, and she was really fun to be around.

So was Jae, and so was Anya, and every other friend that Seth has made. Besides, what did he even know about feelings and relationships?

Relationships never worked out, even when you’re still in one. His parents are proof of that, regardless of the mask that they keep on.

Seeing Nina again, after so many years, simply gave him a shock. So much so, it made him mistake these feelings of nostalgia as feelings for her.

That was all.

As Seth left the building and headed down the path, toward the station, he felt lighter. Calmer.

His heart no longer beat unevenly at the thought of Nina, and he no longer felt the need to reach into his jacket pocket and check whether Nina responded to his text yet.

He felt so light that Seth almost skipped a little down the footpath.

It was decided, that that night, Seth would focus on doing something productive, like clear out his email inbox or something.

He’d been so distracted chatting with Nina and constantly losing focus. If he wanted to graduate, secure a good job and make his internship permanent, he’d have to step up the game.

No more distractions. No more temporary people.

As he reached Central Station, he wondered how long he would have to wait for Nina now. Wondered if he even should.

He started toward their waiting spot.

And Nina was there already waiting for him.

She was leaning against the brick wall, right beside the entrance to the station. Her head was down, wisps of her hair falling all over her cheeks, messier than it was in the morning when he saw her.

She had her earbuds in, and her shoulders were hunched over her phone. Honestly, there was nothing significant about the sight.

Nina, to anyone else, was just another tired university student, leaning against the brick wall, having finished another day of classes.

Seth stopped, a few metres from Nina, and just stared.

She was smiling. Whatever she was watching on her phone was making her smile.

It was making his heart race like crazy. To anyone else, Nina was just another university student, but to Seth….

To Seth…

Damn you, Nina Mendez, he thought. Damn you.