Page 21

SAWYER

I can do this.

Twisting my phone in my hands absentmindedly, I try to work up the courage to unlock my phone and send this text. To show my weak underbelly.

I rearrange myself on the bed, propping the pillow up on the headboard, trying to sit up as much as possible.

The house is eerily silent, both Miss Belle and Auggie gone about their business for the day.

Which makes sense—it is the middle of the day on a Wednesday.

That also means I should have gone back to the lab or to the grove I was working in prior to being picked up for lunch.

But the only place I could think of was here.

Anton’s childhood bedroom.

Eliza’s voice rings out in my head, urging me to do what I know I need to.

Let down my walls—or at least open a door or window—letting Anton in a little bit.

Easy for her to say though. Real her or the in my head version.

Because she has a way with people that I don’t.

My freakout just now is a perfect example.

A normal person would have used their words.

Would have had words to use. Not me. Even now, I don’t know what to say to explain how I’m feeling or why I did what I did.

That doesn’t change that I need to. Because I saw the hurt in Anton’s gorgeous ice-blue eyes as I pushed him away. A hurt that sliced through me like a hawk swiping its prey from the ground—swift, deep, and out of nowhere. Although unlike that hawk, this left a mark.

Time to put on my big girl panties.

Hi

I hold my breath. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back, reminding myself that it could be awhile before I get a response. That Anton probably isn’t glued to his phone waiting for me to reach out. My phone chimes almost immediately though, my heart jumping.

Anton

Hi.

Well, that’s a good start.

I’m sorry.

You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m sorry.

I didn’t mean to push you into doing something you didn’t want to do.

I smile, my heart squeezing. I can almost see the worry on his face, softening me to him even more. The last couple of days with him have shown me a whole new side to Anton Hayes. One that I really like.

You didn’t.

It’s just…

Open the window, Sawyer…

Just what?

I don’t know how to say this

Whatever it is, it’ll stay between us.

Promise.

You can tell me anything

Sucking in a deep breath, I read his last message again. You can tell me anything . Despite our rocky start, I believe him. I know that whatever I tell him is going to stay between us.

Doesn’t make this any easier.

It’s kinda embarrassing

More embarrassing than a grown-ass man being afraid of armadillos?

A giggle bubbles up inside, uncontrollably spilling over. Drawing my knees into my chest, I feel like a teenage girl texting her crush, my insides all light and squishy, despite the anxiety mixed in over what I’m trying to admit.

Ummm…maybe?

Are you a virgin?

No, it’s not that

Promise not to laugh?

Promis e

Alrighty…here goes…

I’m kinda afraid of oral sex…

Silence.

Or whatever the digital, text-message equivalent of silence is. Anton’s responses have been quick, as if he were sitting right here with me. Until that last one. As if that was the wrong response.

The longer this silence lasts, the more I think it might have been.

Three dancing dots appear, disappear, and then reappear so many times, I lose count. My head starts to spin, my stomach turning into a knot. Suddenly, opening the window seems like a really bad idea. And I haven’t even opened it all the way.

Sawyer, I don’t know how to ask this without sounding like an ass, so I’m just going to do it

Did something happen?

What?

It takes a second to fully register what he’s asking. Then it hits me. Like a two-by-four to the head.

No! No! Nothing like that!

Ok, I can breathe again then

I was about to have to go remove some limbs if you’d said yes

A smile tugs at the corner of my lips, the knot in my tummy starting to unfurl. His silence wasn’t because he was upset. At least not with me. But on my behalf. Shaking my head, I inch the metaphorical window open a little more.

No limb removal required.

I’m not a big fan of sex in general, and the whole idea of oral…really, any kind of foreplay…freaks me out to the point where I just freeze

wait, you don’t like sex?

not really

I expect another pause—a big one like before—and brace myself for it. Only this time, his response is locked and loaded.

I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone who doesn’t like sex

you have now

So, I’ll understand if you want to rethink our agreement.

What?!

My thumbs start to move across the screen, typing as fast as I can. They are no match for my brain, fumbling and having to backtrack, deleting and fixing typos as I try to give Anton an out. The muscles in my chest constrict, my lungs burning from holding my breath as I try to get it all out.

Anton is quicker on the draw though.

Our agreement has nothing to do with sex. Nothing

More than that, I’m enjoying spending time with you. In whatever form that takes. So, if you don’t want to go down that road, we won’t. Simple as that.

Simple as that…

So much for giving him an out.

I swoon, unable to help myself as I delete the missive I had been typing.

It was bad enough when Anton was only Mr. Too good-looking for his own good .

Now he’s also Mr. Too charming for his own good .

Or maybe my own good. All without trying.

In fact, his sincerity might just be the sexiest thing about him.

it’s not usually a question of want. But the actual enjoying part. I don’t get all the hype.

sex, I mean. Not you. I’m enjoying getting to know you too, actually…

Way to be awkward, Sawyer…

Good to know. On both accounts ;)

My phone chimes and buzzes, the alarm I set so I didn’t lose track of time and miss my meeting with Cary flashing on the screen. Shit. I have fifteen minutes to get back to the lab. That is not going to happen. Especially since my car isn’t at the house.

I should go. I have a meeting with Cary in 15 minutes and need to figure out how I’m getting back to the lab.

Where are you? I’ll send someone to pick you up

You don’t have to do that

I know. But I want to

I swoon all over again, not sure how this is real—how he and I went from being at odds with each other to him wanting to make sure I have a ride. Can’t say I hate it though.

I’m at the house

Let me text Alex and send him your way.

Thanks :)

Of course ;)

I head up to Atlanta tomorrow to meet with some retailers, but will be back for Sunday dinner. Can we spend some time together when I get back? I want to talk more, but face to face

I’d like that

Good ;)

Alex is on his way. See you Sunday

See you Sunday

I close out my texts, pushing off the bed and stretching. The plant isn’t that far, maybe a ten-minute drive, so I won’t have to wait long, but I should still probably shoot Cary a message that I’m running behind. Don’t want him thinking I ditched him.

Except, there’s someone more important I need to talk to.

And keeping that conversation quick is going to be a challenge. Actually, it’s probably a good thing we have a hard stop .

Pulling up my bestie’s contact info, I tap her photo.

“It’s the middle of the day; what’s wrong?” Eliza answers after the first ring.

Her lack of hello is comforting in its own way. She knows me better than anyone on this planet, so I know that she won’t think twice about what I’m about to say.

“You know how you said it would be different with the right person?”

“Yes.”

“How different?”