Page 23

Twenty-One

It took a moment for my words to register with Tess, to the point that I thought she might not have heard me, but her brows rose and her mouth gaped at the sudden realisation as my words slowly sunk in.

“Oh my God, Ellie?”

“Oh, I know.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands, instantly regretting having told her. My eyes watered with thevery frustration, running my fingers through my hair. “I feel so stupid.”

“You feel stupid? I feel stupid.” Tess looked like she was in an intense state of shock. “H-how long?”

It was a simple enough question, one that required a simple enough answer, but in all honesty, aside from the very key moments on our road trip to Point Shank, I feel I loved Adam a long time before then, I just misread the signs or more likely didn’t want to know about it.

I cringed when the answer came to me, because voicing it sounded so cliché. “I don’t think there has been a time where I haven’t loved him.”

Tess’s expression looked grim, definitely not the kind of reaction someone would have just finding out that one of her best friends was in love with her other best friend.

This should have been perfect, but just by looking into her eyes I could tell she didn’t think so and I felt sick.

It wasn’t jealousy; Tess was the most balanced, loved-up, non-jealous person I knew.

No, it was something more, something unsaid, and it instantly made me feel ill.

“You know something,” I said.

Tess broke eye contact, looking out over the garden.

“Tess … you have to tell me,” I urged, my voice panicked.

“It’s not for me to say,” she said lowly.

I couldn’t believe this; I had just opened up to her about the singular biggest secret of my life and she was being cryptic over something to do with Adam. I could feel a rage brewing inside me.

“Are you serious? You’re going to keep it from me?”

Tess laughed. “Oh my God, you are not going to play that card, are you? The old friends-tell-each-other-everything spiel, because clearly they don’t.”

“Look, I didn’t tell you because I was unsure, confused about whether what I was feeling was real.”

“Does anyone else know?”

Oh shit. Tammy.

My look must have said enough because Tess shook her head.

“Unbelievable.” She grabbed her empty coffee, and muffin bag, moving to stand to leave.

“Tess, wait.” I stood on the back step ready to go after her but she didn’t get far before spinning around to look up at me on the step. I had never seen her this mad before.

“No, you wait. You know why I can’t tell you, why the entire population of Onslow knows except you?

Because Adam made us promise him that we wouldn’t, because he knew you were going away and he didn’t want you to be distracted and feel like you needed to come back to Onslow.

That’s why friends keep secrets. That’s what has me always defending Adam.

Telling you not to give him the silent treatment and play mind games, not with him.

You might say you love him, but you have a funny way of showing it. ”

“Tess, I’m sorry, how was I to know that—”

“Yeah, it’s not nice being the last to know, is it?”

My mouth gaped. I had nothing.

Tess wasn’t angry anymore; she seemed numb, and that terrified me more than her rage.

My phone sounded again. I was too afraid to look, too ashamed to.

“You might want to answer that,” she said, before turning and walking out of the yard and out of sight.

I was consumed by a nervous energy pacing back and forth in my parents’ lounge, waiting for Adam to arrive.

I wrung my hands together, thinking of every single message I had ignored, every silent treatment, every eye-roll I had ever given him.

I didn’t know what was worse: not knowing what he was keeping from me, or the clear realisation that I was a horrible person.

Oh God.

I sat on the couch burying my head in my hands, feeling my knees trembling.

I really just wanted to lose my shit, but I had no time to let down the floodgates; hearing the slamming of the screen door caused my head to snap up.

There Adam stood in the doorway, the light shining behind his silhouette, Ray-Bans shielding his eyes as he leant against the door jamb, smiling as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“For a while I thought you had joined the witness protection program,” he joked, because that’s what he would do, that’s what he always did.

I looked at this boy standing before me and nothing else mattered.

I stood, moving over to him, trying my hardest to keep my tears at bay.

I simply stopped in front of him, wishing that I could see his eyes, and just like he always did he read my mind because he lifted his shades, sitting them back to divide the dark fold of his thick dark hair.

His eyes ticked curiously across my face; I hoped he couldn’t tell I was upset, but he read me better than anyone: the tinge of pink in my cheeks, my shiny eyes, dishevelled hair.

If he knew something was wrong he never said anything and I loved him for that.

I simply stepped into him, wrapping my arms around him, my chin resting in the alcove of his neck.

Adam froze for the briefest moment, taken aback by the unexpectedness of it, before slowly and oh-so gently circling his arms around me, embracing me in his strength, his warmth.

Without saying a word he just held me and that’s when I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I couldn’t disguise my body shaking as I cried in Adam’s arms, not wanting to ever let go as he gently rubbed my back, comforting me more than he could ever understand.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“You didn’t break something in my room, did you? Is that why you ran away?”

Adam was trying to be light-hearted, and it did make me laugh a little as I lowered my hands and stepped back a little, wiping my eyes, as I shook my head.

Adam looked confused. “Then what are you sorry about?”

I was genuinely taken aback; had we been friends for so long he was immune to my wicked ways?

“I’ve been such a bitch to you, and you don’t deserve it.”

“Hmm, I think I give as good as I get.”

“No, no, you don’t, you put up with me and I am nothing but—”

“Ellie.”

Adam cut me off, looking down on me in wonder. “It’s us.”

I blinked, trying to decipher what that exactly meant. Adam broke into a boyish grin before shrugging. “It’s what we do.”

“It is?”

“Sure, we chase each other around in public bars in our undies; it’s what friends do, right?”

My heart skipped a beat. “Only the best of friends.”

“Correct, and if you’re lucky I might just drive you back to Maitland myself.”

Adam really did know all the right things to say. I could have fought it, been adamant in not troubling him, that I would wait for the late night bus, but there was no part of my being that wanted to say no, to not spend another moment with him, or another car ride.

“I’d really like that.”

Adam laughed. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Ellie?”

“This is Ellie version 2.O.” I smirked.

“Does this Ellie have better taste in music?”

I placed my hands on my hips. “What?”

“I will take you home under one condition.”

My brows rose in question.

“No Starship songs.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Meet me at the Onslow when you’re ready.”

“Adam, you cannot be serious, they’re a classic.”

“No,” he said, backing out toward the front door.

“I will have my way on this.”

Adam paused halfway out the door, looking back at me with a big goofy smile. “You always do.”