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Eighteen

We had failed. On so many levels.

We heard the elated screams of “Surprise!” echo over the water just as we closed in to pull up to Sean’s jetty.

The approach was frantic, clumsy; I almost ended up in the lake disembarking the boat.

I didn’t even wait for Adam; I had one thought and one thought alone.

I abandoned my thongs, hitched up my skirt and bolted toward Sean’s house, which of course was about eleven million steep steps away.

I could hear Adam make up some ground; he was practically on my heels as we made our way up to the house.

Seriously, why build on top of a mountain?

A stitch pulled at my insides and I could barely breathe through the pain but I had to keep going, I had to press on as if my life depended on it.

As if by some small miracle we would get to the top and not be too late.

I had wanted so badly to be the first face for Tess to see, standing there next to Adam.

The way I had envisioned it had been so poetic.

Never once did I think I would be barging in late, all dishevelled and sweaty, my hair all tangled and messy, breathless and completely, as always, stealing the limelight, but not in a good way.

We burst through the main entrance to Sean’s house, a giant, modern wooden door that opened out into a long hall. We entered so fast we slid along the floorboards, Adam stopping me from toppling over.

“This way,” he breathed, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me toward the loud voices and music.

A part of me wanted to simply turn around and head back to the boat.

I felt like a feral gatecrasher to a party, that everyone would turn around and stare at us.

The two worst best friends in the whole world.

Thankfully we slid into the back of the room, undetected except by those we momentarily distracted as we slid past them.

Adam pulled me through the thick of the crowd in the large open lounge, with windows that fully opened out onto the deck overlooking the lake.

It wasn’t until we shifted to a clearing to the side that we could actually see Tess and Toby.

Engulfed by a clustering of family members.

Tess’s mum hugging her, pulling back and wiping the tears from Tess’s cheeks; she was crying, but she was happy, I could see that much.

I could feel my own eyes flood with the overwhelming feeling of happiness, and complete devastation that I hadn’t been here to see her face, to witness her utter shock of such a beautiful moment when everyone yelled “Surprise”.

I felt Adam squeeze my hand and I looked at his profile to see he was experiencing the same intense feeling of pride.

His eyes were shiny with a raw emotion and it made me want to throw my arms around him and never let go.

But I didn’t. Instead, I let go of his hand and excused myself past the crowd toward the happy couple, waiting to the side as their parents finished up their congratulations and how excruciating it had been keeping it a secret for so long.

I really wasn’t the most patient person but nothing else mattered because past all of her family Tess’s eyes locked with mine, and she started crying all over again.

She moved past her mum and dad and closed the distance toward me, wrapping her arms around me, crushing all the air from me.

The familiarity of my best friend’s embrace had me ugly crying into her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Tess, I’m so sorry,” I blubbered.

I was sorry for being a shitty friend, for being so self-absorbed and so clueless to her needs.

For not being there when she needed me, for lying to her, not confiding in her, and not even being able to get my shit together enough to be here for her surprise because once again I had put my feelings, my issues before hers.

Tess laughed through her own tears, pulling back and wiping my cheeks just like her mum had done to her.

“What are you sorry about? You’re here and I love you for it.”

“Yeah, late, what kind of friend—”

“Oh, stop it, you’re here and you’re amazing, now stop making me cry.” And just as Tess worked on clearing the smudges under her eyes, her focus landed on Adam, who hovered to the side, almost with an anxious air about him before moving in to grab Tess into a big bear hug.

“You surprised?” he asked, kissing her on the head and continuing his hold.

Tess looked around at the beautifully lit room, themed in gold and navy, a huge banner with ‘Toby and Tess’ bridging the walkway between the inside and out.

Catering waiters fluttered around the place with trays of champagne and canapés.

“Ah, yeah,” she laughed, “considering Toby said he just wanted to drop in to pick up a car part from Sean, this was not something I expected in a million years.” Tess threw an accusing eye at Toby who was caught in his own manly embrace with Sean, the ultimate symbol of true friendship.

I stepped forward; putting everything aside for tonight, I wrapped my arms around Adam and Tess, and they adjusted to let me in, sweeping their arms around me for the group hug.

I looked at my two beautiful friends and vowed I would do better, be better as a friend.

I didn’t know if that was possible; after all, I had made many vows in my life and usually broke them all.

From this moment on things would be different: no more selfish drama, secrets or lies; I had to start being real and to do that I had to start with the people that meant the most in my life.

I had to start with Tess; I had to start with Adam.

Things had changed. Adam and I didn’t burn up the dance floor as tradition would have predicted.

Instead, we moved in different circles; the party was big enough to do it with ease.

I never sought him out and he never sought me out.

I wasn’t even sure if I was going back home in the boat or some other way.

I tried not to think about it. I tried to push all the instinctual ‘Ellie stuff’ aside, for at least one night.

It never completely stopped me from watching Adam or keeping tabs on him in my peripheral vision.

Never more so than when I saw him leaning against the bar talking to Megsy; it was around the same time I decided to drag Ringer onto the dance floor as the band played a rather excellent cover of ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ .

I actually did get lost in the feeling of the music and just enjoyed the over-the-top rock-and-roll-style movements of Ringer spinning me around the floor.

“When’s Miranda moving down?” I asked mid-turn.

Ringer paused, misjudging the movement, and brought me back in too fast, slamming me against his chest so hard it knocked the wind out of us. The question had obviously distracted his coordination, as I winced in pain.

Luckily the song choice changed into something slower and we decided to be less adventurous with our dance moves and settled on the tradition of the slow dance. It also gave me a moment to recognise the change in Ringer’s demeanour, as he cleared his throat and looked down at our two left feet.

“Ah, she’s, um, she’s not.”

“What? Why?” I asked, genuinely horrified.

Ringer shrugged. “We had a fight. It’s over,” he said, spinning me slowly and bringing me back into the slow dance, this time with greater care.

I shook my head. “It can’t be over, you two are great together.”

But when Ringer didn’t look at me, instead his shrug was smaller, his expression grimmer, I knew my friendship wasn’t wholly exclusive to Tess and Adam.

I grabbed him by the hand and motioned him off the dance floor.

“Come on, I can’t hear myself think,” I said, dragging him out to the deck, leading him to the farthest railing that overlooked the expansive lake that looked vast and black in the night, reflecting only the moon and the party lights from the main house.

“Spill,” I said, folding my arms and casting him a poignant look.

“There’s nothing to tell, honestly,” he said, leaning on the railing and staring out over the dark mass of water.

“I call bullshit; what was the fight over?”

Ringer frowned at me. “You know, you can be real bloody nosey when you want to be.”

“Guilty; now spill.”

Ringer sighed, knowing that there was no way of escaping my interrogation, so he settled in for the long haul.

“We’re completely different,” he began, and by the time he had explained all the trivial, nitpicking details over the ludicrous reasoning of their fight, I sat opposite him simply smiling like a fool.

“What’s so funny?” Ringer said, straightening from the railing.

“Do you love her?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ellie.” Ringer shifted, looking back out over the lake, almost embarrassed by the question.

“It’s a simple question, Ringo: do you love her?”

I didn’t think he was going to answer me. I mean, it’s not like Ringer and the Onslow Boys were well versed in talking about their feelings. So when I went to repeat the question, Ringer snapped.

“Of course I fucking love her. I love her so fucking much I feel that I can’t breathe without her.”

I smiled, lifting my chin up in triumph. “Then based on all you have told me, and that fight you had,” I shook my head, “that ain’t enough to jeopardise either her or your happiness. You love her, and I know she loves you.”

Ringer was looking at me, intense in his scepticism. “You think?”

“Absolutely. Now forget dicking around on the dance floor and go and ring your woman.” I shoved him playfully in the chest.

Ringer smiled. “But I like dicking around on the dance floor.”

“GO!” I said, pointing.

Ringer pushed off the railing, straightening the thin black tie over his white shirt, suited up in a rare occasion, looking very dapper indeed.

When he smiled that wolfish smile of his, I thought Miranda insane if she didn’t want a man like this; despite all his caveman-like tendencies Ringer was nothing but loyal and even tender when the mood took him, like now as he stepped closer to me, to kiss me on my cheek.

“You’re one in a million, Ellie Parker,” he whispered in my ear before breaking away and walking backwards with a huge smile. “Which means there’s only four more left in New South Wales.” He winked, before spinning around and retrieving his mobile from his pocket.

I couldn’t help but feel completely validated as a human being that I had managed to use my powers of friendship for good and not evil.

I could do it and I would continue to do it; I was certain that the buzz I felt in that very moment was enough to carry me through for the rest of my days.

Until of course I turned around and locked eyes with Adam.

He was watching on from across the deck, his expression grim, his eyes ablaze as they flicked from me to where Ringer had disappeared.

Oh God, what must we have looked like?

Adam slowly weaved his way toward me, beer in hand, serious intent as he came to stand by my side. He looked out over the water, taking a deep swig of draught before breaking the tension by speaking.

“I’m not taking the boat back tonight,” he said.

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, I am a bit boozed,” he said, studying the label of his beer. “The buses are going to do a couple of trips back into town so everyone can get a lift back that way.”

“Right,” I said, trying not to sound too disappointed by the change of plans.

Our exchange was so wooden, so painful. What had happened to us?

I would have given anything for Adam to take my hand and drag me onto the dance floor, but the way he was looking at me, I knew that was not going to happen.

There was something much deeper going on, something I knew nothing about, and there was an underlying anger in me that wanted to scream at him, ask him what his problem was, what he was keeping from me.

But I knew better. Now was not the moment, this was Tess’s night, this was not about us.

As close as he had come to telling me, I’m glad he didn’t, now I had to be that friend to Tess.

As much as I wanted to press him further I knew I had to do the only thing I could do, no matter how hard it was. I walked away.