Page 34

THIRTEEN

As she and Cullen moved through the debris, Kit reeled at what she’d shared with him.

She’d never told anyone about her miscarriage, or the complete story about what had happened with her parents.

Even Mitch had only gotten a cursory version of the events that landed her father in jail.

Certainly, she’d never had a deep conversation with anyone on the topic of forgiveness.

Actually, she hadn’t had many deep conversations with anyone about anything for as long as she could remember.

Yet it had all come tumbling out. Now. With him.

And to top it all off, she’d actually expressed her opinion about his lack of self-forgiveness.

She shivered at the recollection, and a cold stone lodged in her stomach.

What was wrong with her? She’d overstepped, no doubt, and she wondered why it bothered her so much.

Why was it important that Cullen refused himself forgiveness?

And why did it comfort her to hear him say aloud what she already knew, that her baby hadn’t been lost because she wasn’t ready to be pregnant?

Somehow, it felt comfortable and right to share her most vulnerable thoughts with him a few moments ago.

Their struggles were common ground, and she’d been so eager to join him there.

Common ground. Surreal. She tried to shake off the prickly realization as they reached the tunnel hatch, where he picked up the hammer and whacked away at the remaining bolts. They had a job to do, and Mount Ember was in her death throes.

Collected soot streaked everywhere from Cullen’s blows, and her eyes burned and teared above her mask by the time the third bolt gave way. The last stubborn one held on through fifteen strikes. At the moment she offered to take over, it broke loose with a ping. Elation blasted away her fatigue.

She could tell he was grinning behind his mask as widely as she was as he bumped his fist to hers.

They reached for the edges of the metal plate and pried it loose, levering it aside.

The effort took all their combined strength and left them panting.

Together, the two of them stared at a black void punched into the earth. Could it be an escape?

Cool, musty air wafted up from below as they peered in. Kit held her breath. The darkness was impenetrable. Was the passage clogged with earth? Collapsed and impassable? Had all their efforts been an exercise in futility?

Cullen freed a flashlight from his pocket, laid on his belly, and shone it into the maw.

She flopped down next to him, adding her light to his.

The beams revealed a ladder, rusted in places but appearing intact, bolted into the walls faced in stone.

The ladder vanished into the darkness, where their light could not reach.

Still no answers. Was it a passage to survival or a temporary delay until the final destruction of her fragile hope? She’d been terrified all their hard work would reveal only a small storage area, but this was certainly more than that, yet the development held no promises, only uncertainty.

Cullen lit a match from their remaining supply and held it in the gap. The flame wavered. “There’s some air circulating down there so it’s gotta have room to move, right?”

She frowned. “If you say so.”

“Please, I saw this in a movie once. Guy only had a match and an air sick bag, and he handled the wilderness tunnel like a champ.” He fired that cocky grin at her. “I’ll climb down and take a look.” He was already sliding over the edge and two rungs in when she began to protest.

“I’m lighter. Maybe I should—”

“I’ll ignore that rude comment about my girth,” came his muffled reply. “You’re the one that keeps plying me with candy.”

“I’m not...”

But she was talking to no one. She couldn’t even see the top of his baseball cap anymore.

Uneasily, she darted a glance around the wrecked mill.

It was almost completely dark, the snowflakes mingling with the ash that dropped through the gaps in what had been the mill’s roof.

The only noise came from the leaves scuttling over the ruins.

In the distance, the ATV was barely visible, and she felt every inch of the distance between her and the sleeping baby.

Soon she’d have to hurry back and get Tot to the fire to warm her up.

The solitude ate at her, and for a moment she considered what it would be like if Cullen didn’t come out of that tunnel, if he fell and died or got lost in a subterranean labyrinth.

Then it would be you and Tot and no way out. Terror churned her gut. “Kit, you have to keep it together,” she scolded aloud. For herself and for Tot and for Cullen, whom she prayed would appear any minute with a thumbs-up and a hopeful report.

Seconds ticked into minutes. She hadn’t heard a yell or thud. Surely he’d make noise if he fell, wouldn’t he? And then what exactly would you do , Kit ? Climb down and carry out a six-foot man on your back?

She jogged in place to keep her circulation going and the fear under control.

Something rustled in the logs outside. Maybe branches settling, wild creatures struggling to find their own shelter in the devastation, the wind tearing the remaining leaves from the fallen trees.

When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she thrust her head into the tunnel entrance to call out just as Cullen crested the top rung. Their foreheads bumped, and she staggered back.

“Sorry,” they both said simultaneously.

To cover her relief, she flicked on her light and held it steady while he crawled out.

Her legs were rubbery. He stood, panting slightly, and she could not resist reaching up to brush a dry twig from his shoulder.

The gesture turned into a tight hug, his embrace as needy as her own.

She held him close, spilling out silent gratitude to the Lord that Cullen had returned in one piece.

“You were gone a long time,” she managed, finally letting him go.

“Middle-aged knees.” His tone was reassuring, as if he knew of the fear she’d tasted while he’d been below.

She steeled herself for his report, unable to read his expression.

“Good news. Tunnel was clear for the fifty feet or so that I explored. No indication it’s blocked. Air’s good too. Much cleaner than up here.”

She heard his hesitation. “What’s the bad news?”

He rolled his shoulders and exhaled. “Not bad, exactly. Cautionary. I mean, there’s a reason the tunnel was sealed off from the public.

This is risky business, Kit. Very risky.

Climbing down with a baby’s not going to be a picnic.

If we manage that feat, we could travel for hours and come on a blockage we can’t breach.

The passageway is old and unmaintained. The walls aren’t in great shape and there’s water pooling, which appears to grow deeper from what I could observe.

No telling what will happen down there.”

“We’re going to die if we stay, Cullen,” she said flatly.

“You know that as well as I do. We can’t hike out of this place, not with Tot, and no one even knows we’re in this area except Archie and a couple of killers.

” She held her voice steady. “I know we’re both praying that Archie’s safe and on his way to get help, but he might be trapped too, or.

..” She closed her mouth, unwilling to say the rest. “No one is going to find us in time.”

“There’s another option, Kit.”

“Like what?”

“I can go alone. Try the tunnel by myself or trek out of the landslide area on foot.”

She felt as if he’d shoved her, as though she were falling down that dark and treacherous tunnel. “You’d leave us behind?” Her voice quivered. He tried to take her arm, but she pulled away.

He shook his head. “I would go for help, while you stay safe here with Tot.”

“Safe? Here?” She tried to moderate the shrill edge that crept into her voice.

“Even if you do find someone crazy enough to be in the evac zone besides Nico and Simon, it might be weeks before you could get back to us. We’re already running low on water.

We won’t survive until you return.” If he returned.

His forehead furrowed. “It’s not what I want either. Rock and a hard place.”

She barely heard. “Plus there’s the poisonous ash, unstable ground, venting gasses, any or all of which could kill you before you ever clear the landslide area.” She ticked off the items on her fingers. “I hate your idea. It’s ... it’s ... silly.”

He chuckled, and that made her angry. “Don’t you dare laugh at me, you big galoot.”

He did laugh then, but his expression was pure tenderness, and it melted her rage away. She swiped at a tear she hadn’t realized had slipped down her face.

“I’ve been called a lot of things, but big galoot is a new one.”

She let him reach for her now, pulling her into the circle of his arms. He felt warm, his embrace strong and steady against her trembling. For a moment, she let her cheek rest on his chest, listened to the steady beat of his heart.

“I know this is scary,” he said.

She buried her face into his chest. “The only way we survive this is together.” She squeezed his biceps. “Together, do you hear me?”

His embrace tightened, and he cradled her against him. “Kit, I’m not sure that’s the best idea, but if that’s what you want...”

She could not quite make herself say it to his face, the raw truth that left her vulnerable. “That’s what I want,” she murmured to his shirtfront. “You, me, and Tot.” They’d survive together, or they’d die together.

His ribs expanded in a massive inhale, and then his body relaxed. He put his mouth close to her ear. “I didn’t really want to leave you two. The only reason I’d ever do it is if I thought it would save your lives. You know that, right, Kit?”

She stayed quiet.

He kissed the crown of her head. “Together. I got it.”

She clung to him, realizing how much they now needed each other. Thrilling and terrifying at once.