Page 62

THIRTY-NINE

AUGUSTE

Each time we come back to this place, Court holds her breath for longer. The weight of impending doom becomes harder to ignore. When she received the message from Verna this morning, telling us Martin had left, she looked daunted.

I hate it. As much as I hate this place. As much as I loathe the fact the son-of-bitch Martin isn’t in one of the ICU beds right now. All the shit he told Courtney. The way he put his hands on her.

And I keep thinking about it. His hands. On my girl.

“You’ll wait for me out here, won’t you?” Courtney asks when we reach her mom’s room.

“I’ll be here,” I tell her. “Right here, Snow.”

She leans in just enough to touch her forehead to mine. “Thank you, baby.”

I can’t help the way her endearment lights me up. The way it makes me smile and feel good about myself.

Court turns for the door and I keep a hold of her hand until I’m forced to let it go.

Then she walks in, leaving the door open just enough that I can hear her greet her mother as I take a seat on the bench across from the open doorway.

At first I try not to eavesdrop, but I’m on edge. Something tells me I need to be ready for action.

“Mom, please… I just want to make sure you’re okay…”

There’s a long pause, and I lean forward in time to catch the raspy reply, “I need space, Courtney. ”

Fuck. What is wrong with this woman?

Court’s gasp cuts through me like broken glass. Every second of her hesitation chills my bones. It takes everything for me not to go in there and tell Catherine just how goddamn stupid she is for not holding on to her daughter. For not protecting her. For not choosing my girl.

“I can come back later. Tomorrow?—”

“Please don’t.”

“Mom…”

“Courtney, you have your own life now. Your own boyfriend. Go back to LA. Go back with your father. He was always your favorite.”

My jaw goes slack. My heart doesn’t know how to beat around the ache swelling in my chest for Courtney when the audible catch of her breath sucker punches my chest.

“That’s… that’s not true.”

“Of course it is. You were always your daddy’s girl. Always.”

“You’re my mom,” Courtney hiccups. “I love you. I care about you…”

“If you really cared,” her mom replies, “you wouldn’t keep causing problems between me and Martin… honestly, it’s just better if you leave.”

And that’s it.

I don’t hear anything after that because my chest feels too tight. Because I know exactly what those words feel like the instant they land on her.

Courtney trudges out a minute later, and she’s just stoic. The water is still on the the surface, but beneath it’s roiling savagely.

“I’m… I’m all done here,” Courtney states, brushing the front of her ponytail back like it’s not already neat. “We can go home. I want to go home.”

“Okay,” is all I say as I go to her and take her hand.

Courtney says nothing more. We walk out together and I buckle her into the passenger seat. Her phone is in her hand as she scrolls through flights, and I want to tell her there’s no rush to return to LA. Except, deep down I know that her mother letting her go is a cruel kindness.

Even so, my heart breaks with hers. It’s silent and devastating.

If I could carry this hurt for her, I would.

If I could take every sharp word, every disappointed silence, every ache she’s ever hidden under her smile, I would.

And I’d thank her for the chance to love her through it. The chance to show her that she deserves better. The chance to love her with every inch of my heart and echo of my soul.

The flight back to LA is long and exhausting. Court took a couple of ZzzQuill to help her sleep through it and by the time we land, she’s beginning to stir. Coach drops us off at my car in the private hangar garage.

We’re turning onto our block when Courtney asks, “Can we stop here… stop the car. Please.”

I pull in and she’s getting out before I’ve killed the engine. It’s a cool night and the wind is strong.

It doesn’t stop Courtney from crossing the road and heading towards the sea. I snag my jacket from the backseat and follow after her. The tide is out tonight and she’s running, I’m chasing. The wind is howling around me.

Courtney stops suddenly. I stop. She stands there looking up at the sky, the clouds coming in thick.

There’s a moment of exceptional silence. Like the whole universe has sucked in a breath and is holding it for as long as it can before she screams. And the universe screams with her.

All I do is watch and listen. I wait until she drops to her knees and then I go to her.

I promised Court I would do this—that I would watch over her when she broke, that I would hold all her broken pieces, and care for them, love them, and when she was ready, I would put her back together.

Now she’s broken, and I have never loved her more than I do in this moment when I gather her up and hold her. I keep holding her through each whole body wrenching sob.

This will never happen again. For as long as I am alive, breathing, my heart beating, she will never hurt like this again. I don’t care what I have to do. If I have to make a deal with the devil or burn the fucking heavens down, this is it.

“I’m ready,” Court nuzzles into the crook of my neck. “Take me home.”

Standing, I wrap her up in my hoodie and take her in my arms again.

This is the part I’ve waited for. Where I get to piece her together with every last drop of my love. Where I get to put my heart in her chest and beat for her. Live in her .

And every second it took to get here was worth the wait.