Page 55

Adam

Sophie’s beautiful long hair is splayed fan-like across the pillow and her lips move as if she’s whispering secrets to me in her sleep.

Her eyelashes quiver gently. I could study her face all day, memorising every freckle and contour.

It’s tempting to pull her into my arms so I can feel the warmth and weight of her on my chest, but I need to get back to Mum’s.

She looked after Wren while I came over here yesterday evening, and we cooked my favourite dinner: steak and chips, with a bottle of red, followed by carrot cake from the farm shop.

Afterwards, we could barely get to the top of the stairs without ripping off each other’s clothes.

Reluctantly, I peel myself out of her bed and pad on to the landing, scooping up my boxers and jeans.

I put them on and walk back into the bedroom, pulling my T-shirt over my head.

I jump at the sight of Sophie, sitting bolt upright and wide-eyed as if she’s seen a ghost.

‘I thought you were asleep! You almost gave me a heart attack.’

‘I heard you get up,’ she says. ‘You scared me. I was worried you were leaving without saying goodbye.’

‘Of course not! My parents taught me good manners.’

‘They gave you post-coitum lessons on top of all your extracurricular classes?’

‘Ha ha!’

She checks the clock, leaning back on her elbows. ‘Come back to bed. It’s only six. It’s too early.’

I walk over and sit next to her, brushing a lock of hair from her face. ‘This is a one-off, sorry. I thought you understood that...? I mastered no-strings-attached sex in post-coitum lesson two.’

She shivers as I leave a trail of kisses across her collarbone, up her neck and, finally, on her lips. I expect her to laugh, but she looks unspeakably sad.

‘Erm, you know I’m joking, right? This is a 1,000-time thing. More! I don’t want to stop making love to you.’

‘Then don’t!’ She pulls me closer, tugging at my T-shirt.

I groan. ‘I’d love to, but I promised to cook pancakes for Wren and go rock pooling and sandcastle building whatever the weather. She wants a dad-and-daughter morning before I head into Plymouth to pick up a few things.’

‘I could go with you? I don’t mind browsing in a few shops.’

‘No!’

She raises an eyebrow, but I can’t explain why I need to go alone.

‘I mean... I’m only planning to fly in and out, so it’s hardly worth the trip. Anyway... I’m looking forward to the party tonight.’

She takes a sharp breath, pursing her lips. ‘Let’s not go. We could cook dinner here or have a movie marathon with Wren at your mum’s.’

‘You’ve changed your mind?’ I’m trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

‘I’m worried it won’t go well. Neither of us will enjoy it.’

‘But it’s a chance to get dressed up and go out... something I don’t get to do much anymore. I used to love the nightlife at Stanford, and Walter’s party was amazing.’

‘It was his last one ever,’ she says sadly.

‘I know. Well, I do now.’ I run a hand through my hair.

‘But it’s not just that... This party could be a new beginning for both of us.

Part of that is saying goodbye to Lily. I want to raise a glass to our friend and remember her.

She’d want us to go and be happy... dance all night in her memory. I bet she’d be furious if we didn’t.’

Sophie stares at me, speechless, as I continue.

‘I need to say goodbye. Lily was my friend as well as yours, and I lost her too that night. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about her over the years... And I guess... well, I miss her.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she says, her voice strained. ‘I shouldn’t have pushed you away afterwards when you were grieving.’

‘You were injured, and your life had changed forever.’ I lean over and kiss the side of her scalp she touches whenever we talk about the accident. ‘You’re forgiven!’

She takes my hand and guides it across the raised skin beneath her hair.

‘You wouldn’t know the scar’s there,’ I tell her.

‘But I do.’ She shudders. ‘You really need to do this tonight?’

‘I feel like I must... For Lily’s sake.’

The duvet falls away as she throws her arms around my neck. I feel the softness of her breasts through my T-shirt.

‘Then we’ll say goodbye to her together,’ she whispers.

‘You’re sure?’

‘I want to make you happy, Adam.’

‘You do, 100 per cent! Every single day. I’ve never been happier.’

Her body tenses between my fingertips, and when I let go, her eyes are watery.

‘I don’t want that to stop,’ she says, shivering. ‘Don’t want us to stop.’

I grab her dressing gown, draping it over her shoulders.

‘We’ve found our way back to each other and nothing will get in the way of us . I won’t let it.’

‘Oh God, Adam.’ Sophie presses her hands to her eyes as tears spill down her face.

‘What is it?’ Uncertainty grips me. ‘Wait... you don’t think we’ll last?’

She takes a deep breath. I’m holding mine. It feels like she’s summoning up the courage to tell me something terrible.

‘W-w-what is it?’ I wipe away a tear from her face. ‘Tell me.’

‘I’ve had to watch people I care about die over the years – Lily, Mum, my friend Joan. It’s like I have a curse. I lose the people I love.’

‘And you’re worried you’re going to lose me next?’ I ask gently.

‘I’m afraid you’ll be ripped from me and we don’t have anywhere near as much time together as we think.’

The pain is so intense in her eyes I can’t leave yet.

‘In that case,’ I say, whipping off my T-shirt and throwing it across the room. ‘I want to make the most of us while I can.’

I kick off my jeans and boxers and slide back into bed with her. She rolls towards me.

‘I thought you had to burn, I mean, make pancakes for Wren?!’

‘We don’t have long... if this is the end, I’d better make it worth it.’

‘Is that a promise?’ Her lips curl upwards into a small smile, but her eyes remain tinged with sadness.

‘Hold that thought!’ I lean over the side and grab my jeans, searching the pockets.

‘What are you doing? The condoms are here.’ She points to the bedside table.

‘No, I’m looking for a pen.’

She opens the drawer, pulling out a Biro. I pick up her wrist, the way I did on the beach when we were teenagers.

‘May I?’

She nods and I draw a Mobius strip to match mine. I trace the outline of the shape with my lips, kissing it.

‘I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I lost you once, but I won’t let that happen a second time.

It’s taken me almost a decade to find you, but you’re worth the wait.

’ I plant delicate kisses along her arm, moving up to her shoulders and neck.

‘I love you, Sophie Leroux. I always have, from the moment we first met at the beach. I never stopped loving you when we were apart. I wish I’d told you sooner.

But even if I have just years, months or weeks left to live, I won’t regret a single moment if I spend that time with you and Wren.

You are the first girl I ever loved and you will be the last. I love you, I love you, I love you. ’