Page 27

Sophie

Fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty-six . . .

Adam hugged me as we watched the numbers decrease on the electronic timer hanging on the wall.

It was wonky – the golf club only put it up for countdowns to midnight at New Year and, apparently, school proms. Lily and I had been throwing ourselves around to ‘Shut Up and Dance’.

A bead of sweat trickled down the back of my expensive jade evening gown that I couldn’t afford.

I’d surreptitiously kept the tag on, hoping to get a refund, but Tom had dropped his glass of punch and red liquid was spattered blood-like on the hem.

That wasn’t the only crap thing about the evening – Adam was subdued and had refused to dance.

We’d played that last song repeatedly before our A levels, flailing around in my bedroom until he felt less stressed.

He should have been doing the same tonight, if not more so.

‘This is all wrong,’ he said, as if reading my thoughts.

‘I know, right? What’s with you?’

He misheard, checking his watch. ‘It’s eleven fifty-six, not eleven fifty-seven. We’ve lost a minute.’

‘That’s not what I meant!’ I touched the twisty shape in my necklace.

I didn’t give a toss about the time. My head was pounding from the shots we’d downed before we set off, and the punch here, which Vinny had topped up with vodka. Lily was feeling the effects – Tom was practically holding her upright.

‘Two minutes to go!’ she shrieked.

‘It’s actually three,’ Adam muttered.

I sighed with exasperation.

‘One minute fifty-eight, fifty-seven...’ Lily let go of Tom. ‘Come on, you have to join in, Sophie!’

‘It’s too soon to start counting,’ I protested. ‘It needs to be from ten.’

‘Boo! One minute and fifty-two.’ Lily almost lost her balance, but Tom steadied her. His drink lurched precariously, and I broke free from Adam to avoid being splashed a second time.

‘We’ll always remember this moment,’ Lily slurred. ‘Like when we have a school reunion, say in ten years’ time. Sophie will be travelling the world, Adam will have cracked a mathematical formula, and I’ll be—’

‘Sunbathing on the beach,’ Tom said, hooting with laughter.

‘Possibly! I’ll be a psychologist and you’ll be—’

‘Off his head,’ I chipped in. Tom was Vinny’s best weed client, after all.

‘Funny! I’ll be earning a shitload in the City and own a penthouse off the King’s Road and a Ferrari. You can borrow it sometime, Sophie.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘No thanks! I’ll cycle and help save the planet before you and your future Chelsea wanker friends destroy it.’

Tom harrumphed, shaking his head. ‘Always the do-gooder.’

‘Forever the capitalist,’ I hit back.

‘Here’s hoping!’

‘Look!’ Lily nodded at the timer. ‘It’s the proper countdown now, so all of you have to join in. Ten, nine, eight...’ She shot me a reproachful look. ‘Sophie! Count with me.’

‘Fine,’ I said, laughing. ‘Seven, six . . .’

I grabbed Adam, throwing my arms around his neck. My grip loosened when I noticed his stricken expression.

‘I need to tell you—’ he began.

The countdown rolled on to midnight before he could finish his sentence. Someone shouted: ‘Happy prom!’

Everyone on the dance floor cheered and hugged.

‘Tell me what?’ I shouted above the noise.

‘I was going to say. . . No, forget it... It can wait.’ He buried his head into my shoulder, and I staggered beneath his weight. He looked up, his mouth finding mine. We kissed hungrily. My lips felt swollen when we finally parted, my heart pounding.

‘I will always love you, Sophie, whatever happens next.’

Panic fluttered in my heart as it had that morning in his bedroom. Why did he keep saying things like this? And why did tonight feel like goodbye? He was my anchor, my everything, but it felt as though I was being cut adrift.

Tom dragged Lily on to the dance floor as Queen’s ‘We Are The Champions’ boomed out. They were joined by Vinny, who hugged Tom before they punched the air together. They were all celebrating but suddenly I didn’t feel like a winner. Far from it.

‘Why are you worrying about uni?’ I asked. ‘It’s not a big deal. I can visit Cambridge at weekends, or you can come back here. Your terms are short.’

Adam gulped, making a tight knot constrict inside my chest.

‘I know, but I want to... I should—’

‘Let’s have more punch before we go to the cottage!’

I didn’t want to hear the rest of his sentence. I had the horrible feeling he was about to break up with me.

I felt Adam’s gaze on my back as I retreated to the drinks table. A few straggling orange pieces bobbed in the plum-coloured liquid at the bottom of the jug. I poured out the remnants and knocked it back, a splash landing on my chest.

‘Noooo!’ I dabbed at my dress with a napkin, making the stain worse. I definitely wouldn’t get my money back now.

Tom lurched over and made a point of tipping the jug upside down.

‘All gone. Dammit! But I guess you’re drowning your sorrows.’

‘Come again?’

‘You know, about Adam leaving.’

I tried not to show any emotion. ‘It’s no biggie.’

‘You’re not worried about keeping a long-distance relationship going?’

‘Are you? Manchester to Durham is a pretty long trek.’

Tom’s eyes glinted under the light. ‘Yeah, but I don’t have to fly – those long-haul flights to the US will be pricey.’

My mouth fell open. ‘What?’

‘Shit, sorry!’ He wiped his sweaty brow. ‘I thought you knew about Stanford?’

‘Adam didn’t—’ The words dried in my throat. ‘They never offered him a place.’

I’d cycled over to his house the day he heard back.

I found him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He’d sighed heavily and said it didn’t matter – he wanted to go to Cambridge.

I’d tried to cheer him up and we’d had commiseration sex.

Wait – was that a secret celebratory shag?

When I think about it, he hadn’t actually said he’d been rejected.

‘I’m sorry, Sophie. I honestly thought he’d have ’fessed up by now!’

‘Tell me.’ My voice was barely a whisper.

‘Adam had an offer months ago and was weighing it up, along with Cambridge. But his mum told mine last week he’s arranged his accommodation on campus. I guess he made up his mind. He must have been waiting for the right time to tell you.’

My fingers flew to my pendant. I remembered what Adam said about the Mobius strip that day on the beach, and when he gave me this necklace.

It meant nothing! All this time, he knew our relationship was going to end when he moved to the States.

He was putting off telling me until the last possible moment!

Tom stepped closer. ‘I’m sorry I had to be the one to break the news. He’s a good mate, but he can be really, really shit at times. You deserve to be treated better.’

I couldn’t look at him; couldn’t speak.

Applause rang out as the last song ended. The heat was stifling and the glistening walls pressed in on me. Nausea rose in my throat. I turned and saw Adam watching us, white-faced, his bow tie unfastened, along with his top buttons.

Like my whole life. It was unravelling fast in front of me.

I could tell from Adam’s face that Tom was telling the truth.

‘I have to get out of here.’

‘I’ll fetch Lily. We can all go together.’

‘No! I want to be alone.’

I weaved through the hot bodies as Adam strode over.

Reaching the foyer, I ran across the black-and-white chequerboard floor, not caring where I put my feet.

When we arrived, Lily would only step on the black squares for luck.

Rain struck my face as I pushed my way through the revolving doors and stumbled past the waiting taxis.

I had to get away from everyone. I ran down the drive, my stilettos crunching on the gravel.

‘Sophie!’

Adam chased after me.

‘Go away.’ I spat out the words over my shoulder.

‘Wait! I can explain everything.’

My toe caught on the hem of my dress. It made a ripping sound as I tripped and fell. Sharp stones stabbed my fingers. Blood smeared on my skin, but I didn’t feel a thing.

Pulling myself up, I kicked off my sandals and pelted towards the opening to the pitch-black lane.

I had to get away from Adam and his lies.

I wanted the darkness to swallow me whole.