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The next couple of days were filled with dark clouds and heavy rain.

Normally, I would have welcomed the rainfall with open arms and be happy to have it accompany me as I finish up my work in the apartment, rewarding myself afterward with some reading time.

But this time, the weather was only amplifying my already sad mood.

With the heaviest of rain falling on Thursday—the one day of my week that was filled with classes—I opted to hitch a ride with Nina to go to campus, extremely thankful for not setting an alarm for a later time that morning.

Being on the track team meant Nina had a 9 a.m. class every weekday.

On days that I had one too, she would be happy to give me a ride.

On Thursdays, however, I would go to campus on my own, wanting to enjoy an hour of the morning to myself, since my first class started at 10 a.m. But with the heavy rain, arriving an hour earlier than I would have liked was a much better option than having to do my normal commute on buses and walk through this stormy weather.

Throughout the day, there seemed to be a dull ache in me that I simply couldn’t shake.

My spirits were lower than normal, but I simply dismissed them by blaming it on the moody weather, along with the fact that I was stuck on campus ground, instead of the comfort of my own room to fully appreciate the atmosphere.

On Friday, I woke up to the sound of heavy rainfall hitting the ground and splashing against my window.

The sweet scent of coffee Nina had made before she left greeted me as I made my way to the kitchen to make my breakfast, before locking myself in my room to get started with my assignment.

Thankfully, I didn’t have much left, and decided to finish it off, adding a few final touches and submitting it right away—way before the 11. 59 p.m. deadline that night.

After completing my main priority of the day, it was time to reward myself as I picked up Bringing Down the Duke and made my way to the living room, curling up on the couch. The sound of rain outside and the smell of the candle I just lit, slowly filled the living room.

It sounded like just what I needed to lift my dampened spirits, but it seemed even reading about a broody duke wooing a commoner wasn’t enough to cheer me up.

Deciding to go with a different approach, I reached over to the coffee table to pick up the remote. That’s when my eyes settled on the vase filled with pink flowers I had put in the centre. I knew that no books, movies, or television shows could help me soothe the slight ache in my heart.

After going our separate ways at ‘the spot’ a couple of days ago, Colton and I were yet to see each other, and hadn’t texted one another since.

I wouldn’t consider it to be a big deal, since we had started our semester by only seeing each other once a week and only recently did we start texting.

But with how we left things off on Wednesday—at the place where he found the most comfort—I couldn’t help but worry.

I thought about texting him the day before, just to see where we stood after that conversation—that is, if we were still okay. But every time I did so, the memory of the hurt on his face put on by my words never failed to remind me of its existence.

I locked my phone immediately before even typing a single word.

It had been a week since Colton got me these flowers, which meant it was about time to get fresh new ones. But the weather didn’t seem to be providing me with that option, and I was not looking forward to walking in this heavy rain just to get some flowers.

As I drowned myself in my melancholia, the sounds of keys jamming in the lock brought my attention to the front door. I turned my head and saw Nina come into the apartment.

‘Hey,’ she greeted me when she entered the kitchen, dropping her backpack on one of the stools at the kitchen island, along with a bag of what I assumed was groceries.

‘Hey,’ I greeted her back. Standing up from my couch, I went over to the counter and took out the items from the bag, while Nina put them away. It was then I noticed that a bunch of sunflowers sellotaped together by the stem propped on the side. ‘You got flowers?’

‘Yeah, I know you said you’d get them today but since I was already at the store, I figured I would just get them there,’ she shrugged. ‘I didn’t know which ones to get, so I just went ahead and got sunflowers.’

‘They’re beautiful,’ I told her. ‘And thank you for getting them.’

‘No problem.’

I went over to the coffee table to pick up the vase, placing it on the kitchen island, before I slowly took out the flowers one by one.

‘Are you feeling okay?’ Nina asked, once all the items she bought were in their rightful place.

‘Yeah,’ I shrugged, feeling a bit sombre than usual. ‘It’s just one of those days, I guess.’ I kept my focus on the flowers, but I didn’t need to look at Nina to know she had a concerned look on her.

‘Well, do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.

I let out a sigh, contemplating it for a moment. In the end, I just decided to let it out. ‘Colton asked me out.’

‘Oh,’ Nina voiced out. She was quiet afterward, the pitter-patter of the rainfall being the only sound in our apartment.

Once I took out all the flowers, Nina took the vase to the sink and threw away the water before refilling it.

Meanwhile, I prepared the newly bought sunflowers to be put into the vase.

Her next question came as I was trimming the stems. ‘What did you say after he asked you?’ she asked.

‘I told him I can’t,’ I answered her.

‘So, you told him no?’

I shook my head. ‘I told him I can’t, because he was a star athlete which makes him a cliché love interest and that’s why I can’t date him.’

‘And how did he react to that?’

I thought about all the things he had said, about my unfairness, about me not giving us a fair shot, and using the outcome of other people’s relationships to predict my own.

‘He asked me whether I would have gone on a date with him if he wasn’t a star athlete,’ I told her. ‘And I told him, it wouldn’t have mattered, because he was a star athlete, and I wouldn’t allow myself to be with one, not even him.’

Nina let out a wince. ‘That sounds a bit harsh.’

‘You should’ve seen the look on his face.’ The memory of his face crossed my mind once again, along with his words that kept haunting me.

You were the last person I thought to see me as just a star athlete, Clara.

‘So, technically, you didn’t actually give him an answer,’ Nina said after a moment of pause.

‘That’s the thing. I didn’t.’

And that was what had been bothering me.

On top of this sadness I felt over what happened with Colton, there was also confusion over the last question he had asked me. In short, it was a simple yes-or-no question—nothing more, nothing less. And yet, I couldn’t seem to pick an answer between the two options.

It had been easier to brush off when Eliza brought it up, since we were discussing a hypothetical situation where Colton was asking me out on a date.

But when the question came straight from Colton, I couldn’t help but ponder over it.

Was Colton being a star athlete the only thing that was holding me back, or is there something else?

I thought back to what Colton said, about me being scared of whatever was happening between us.

Was he right?

‘I should’ve just given him a no when he asked, instead of telling him why I can’t,’ I groaned. ‘Then, I wouldn’t have to deal with all this confusing shit and avoided this whole mess. We could’ve just gone back to being the way we were before.’

Back to being friends.

Just friends.

My heart clenched at that thought.

‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’ I heard Nina ask.

I kept my gaze on the sunflowers, trying to come up with an answer. ‘I don’t know,’ I finally said. ‘But I think we would’ve been able to get past this if I did say no, without letting this whole thing come between our friendship.’

Nina was quiet once again, seemingly letting my words sink in before she said, ‘Then, tell him no.’

‘What?’ I said, whipping my head over to her.

‘I mean, from what you’re telling me so far, you only told him the reasons why you couldn’t date him. But you haven’t yet rejected his date offer,’ Nina explained.

‘You think that’s what I should do?’

‘I think you should do whatever you feel is right.’

I let out a sigh.

Nina was right: I could still somewhat salvage the friendship and write it off as a rough patch in the road.

But why did the thought of giving a definite no to Colton hurt?

The rain started to slow into a drizzle on Friday night and fully came to a stop as the sun came up the next day, leaving behind a cool breeze in the air—allowing everyone to take advantage of the weekend outdoors before we started a new week.

My Saturday was spent deep cleaning the apartment with Nina.

After she came home from training and we had lunch together, it was time for us to conquer our main task of the day.

Each of us started from our own room before heading to the kitchen and finishing off in our living room.

The day ended with us ordering takeout and watching Clueless .

While Saturday was spent being productive, on Sunday we indulged in rewarding ourselves as we both slept in, tired from the previous day. We spent the whole day chilling in the apartment, only leaving our humble abode for a last-minute dinner plan with Claudia and Lily.

Having all four of us together was always enough to cheer me up out of whatever sadness I was feeling, and for a while it did work. But as we headed home and I lay in my bed that night, I couldn’t help but feel the ache still lingering there.

Still no text from Colton, and none going out from me either.

I knew I would still see him eventually; we were still partners for ASL class after all, and we still had a fair number of weeks in the semester left.

I truly believed we could still go back to being friends, despite what had happened.

But why did I have this feeling that might not be the case?

Monday and Tuesday passed by in a blur, and the next thing I knew, I was already on my way to ASL class.

As I got settled into my seat, a feeling of nervousness rose within me. I scrolled through my phone, while I waited for the minutes to tick away until the class started, with my eyes occasionally snapping up to the door every time I heard the sound of it opening.

The seats in the classroom started filling up one by one, but the seat beside me remained empty, even when Mr Albert entered the classroom and our ASL class began for the day.

It was unlike of Colton to be late to a class. After that first one, he had been on time ever since, but I wouldn’t put it past him to have a mishap and be late again today.

But as the minutes started to tick by, the nervousness I was feeling slowly switched over to confusion with a touch of sadness.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

And as the clock struck half-past the hour, it finally dawned on me what was happening.

Colton wasn’t late; he wasn’t coming.

The realization hit me so hard that I couldn’t even focus on the rest of the class.

I was so over my head that I didn’t even notice the class was over and students were already leaving their seats.

I quickly packed up my things before leaving the classroom, searching for an empty sitting area somewhere for me to gather my thoughts.

I know I am an overthinker, though I was trying really hard right then to not jump to conclusions headfirst. But the fact of the matter was, Colton had missed the class that day, the first class held after what went down last Wednesday at ‘the spot’.

There was no use in me dwelling on this any further—coming up with reasons on why he wasn’t there that day, not when I could ask him straightaway.

Plus, even if he did miss the class, he hadn’t said anything about cancelling our practice session that week, which seemed like a solid enough reason to text him first.

I took out my phone and opened our text chain, trying to think of what to say and the best way to word it.

Clara:

Hey! You weren’t in class today and I was wondering if everything is okay?

And if we’re still practicing ASL today?

I didn’t have much else to do that day, other than my classes, and practicing ASL with Colton, so I just watched another episode of Schitt’s Creek on my phone while I waited for his reply.

But as the episode came to an end, his reply never came.

I opened our text chain just to make sure I sent the message, and I had.

Our practice session usually lasted for about an hour, and technically, we still had about thirty minutes left. But from the looks of it, I didn’t think he was coming. Maybe he had a reasonable explanation, but as it stood right then, he wasn’t there, and he had neither informed me about it.

In the end, I picked up my bag and made my way over to the bus stop, feeling disappointed at how things had turned out.

Colton’s reply came as I was getting ready for bed.

I let his message remain unopened unintentionally, as I was finishing up my skincare routine, only seeing the notification once I retrieved my phone. But I continued ignoring it consciously, wanting to serve him a little payback for his late reply.

I held out for as long as I could, but my itch of curiosity got the better of me—leading me to finally open his message.

Colton:

I AM SO SORRY.

One of my classes got cancelled, so I went home and decided to take a nap just now.

And I overslept.

The next thing I know, I had to go to practice.

After weeks of getting to know each other and spending time together, Colton had shown me that he was worthy of my trust. Though I couldn’t help but question him at that very moment.

Colton had never given me a reason to not trust his words, but if he were telling the truth, then why was he only informing at that moment?

It seemed like something he could have told me earlier than 10 p.m. Baseball practice had been over hours before, and I was pretty he had the time to hold his phone since then.

I believed him for the most part, but there was a part within me that thought it was just an excuse. The reason why he had taken so long to reply was that he needed time to think of a plausible reason to not want to see me.

I snorted at my train of thought. I was definitely reading way too much into this.

Clara:

Hey.

Thanks for letting me know.

And don’t worry too much about our practice session this week. I know you have a game on Saturday, so I think we’ll be fine skipping another week.

I’m gonna head to bed soon. Goodnight!

The three dots appeared not long after I sent my last message, then disappeared again.

The motion kept repeating for a minute or so, before Colton finally decided on a reply.

Colton:

Goodnight.

Partner.