Page 6

OAKLEY

Have I slept, even for a few minutes? It doesn’t feel like it. I’m not sure if I was even able to fully close my eyes. They’re so swollen and sore, aching from all the tears I shed over the situation with Jamie.

If I did sleep, I tell myself, maybe that means everything that happened last night was nothing more than the worst of nightmares. But as soon as I wake up, it all crashes down upon me again.

Rolling onto my back, I stare up at my ceiling. Counting the seconds that tick along to the metronome of my heart. Hardly able to believe it hasn’t simply stopped, too broken to keep beating.

There is a real, harsh pain in my chest. I press my fingers to it and imagine bruises forming on my skin. Pulling down the neckline of my pajama top to check, I find only my bare and freckled skin. No physical evidence of my shattered heart.

Though it’s there, broken and dying in a million shards scattered around my chest.

How many tears can I possibly shed? Every bit of moisture in my body feels like it’s been squeezed out of me. My mouth is so dry that I can hardly swallow. My tongue feels thick. My teeth, slimy, and my eyes are gritty from lack of sleep.

Phoebe had wanted to come up with me last night, insisting that I shouldn’t be alone.

I loved her for that, and for the way she’d come to my defense with Jamie.

But I couldn’t let her stay. Couldn’t face listening to her call him names and being unable to defend him, knowing that everything she said about him was turning out to be true.

All the years of trust vanished faster than I can blink.

I might have been able to forgive him kissing Savannah, maybe even convinced myself that his claims were true and she’d forced herself on him.

She was the sort of girl to do something like that, if only so she could cause a rift between us as revenge for me warning my brother away from her.

Seeing her paw at my boyfriend—correct that—ex-boyfriend, was enough to make me want to puke, but it was the deeper truth lurking that really kept me tossing and turning all night.

Jamie had decided he was going on the circuit, and he let me think he wasn’t.

He’d left the decision of me going to school totally on my shoulders, knowing that I thought he’d be staying behind.

The love of my life had done his best to make it easy for me to leave him.

Maybe that was why he’d let Savannah kiss him. He couldn’t have known I was there to see it, but he might’ve given in to her as an excuse for why we should break up. I start sobbing again and pound my fist into the pillow. Over and over, until a feather drifts free and I fall onto my back.

What a coward! He’s made every moment we’ve shared over the past three years into nothing but a foolish dream that, apparently, I was the only one believing in. If he wanted to end things with me, he should’ve just done it, not made it so I had no other choice.

I think I could never be less hungry than I am right now, but then the wafting scent of fresh waffles tickles my nose. My stomach growls in response. I’m surprised by how suddenly ravenous I am.

I guess crying all night burns a lot of calories.

Taking a quick shower, I make sure to scrub away as many signs of my restless night as I can.

What doesn’t wash away in the shower I cover up with makeup.

Under-eye concealer, a touch of eyeliner and mascara, a slick of lipgloss.

I shudder at the memory of that red stain on the corner of Jamie’s mouth.

Not dead center, but to the side. Exactly where a kiss would land if someone was trying to turn his face and keep a pair of treacherous lips off of him. Shaking my head, I shove away those thoughts. It doesn’t matter who kissed who first.

I’m going to New York University. I’ll be majoring in Marketing and Management and will get my Business Administration degree. I’m going to live with my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rick and enjoy the best of New York City society. Fulfill my dreams. Make my family proud. Make myself proud.

And I’ll leave Jamie Walker in my past.

My throat closes up again and I must fight off a fresh wave of tears. Downstairs, in the kitchen, I find my mom hovering over the waffle iron. She smiles as she greets me, but there’s a shadow of concern in her bright blue eyes.

“Morning,” she says.

With her sandy blond hair tied in a ponytail over one shoulder, my mom could almost pass for my older sister. I look more like my Aunt Kathy than I do my mom. Mom and I share the same smile, though. Mine doesn’t quite make it to my eyes today. I can feel her studying me.

“Soo,” she says while sliding a waffle onto a plate, gesturing for me to sit at the table. “Would you like to talk about what happened last night?”

When my two siblings and I were little kids, Mom always seemed to know when one of us had gotten into something we shouldn’t have. We never figured out her secret, only that she always found out. Which has obviously transitioned to my current situation.

The corners of my mouth turn down as I stab my fork into the waffle. Golden syrup oozes out of the pitcher as I pour it. It makes me think of Jamie. He always drowned his waffles in sticky sweet goodness. And the reminder only makes eating breakfast that much more irritating and painful.

I stuff my mouth with a syrupy waffle and chew as fast as I can. Glancing up to see her staring at me as I swallow the bite and lick my lips, pretending to have no idea what she’s talking about. “Nothing happened last night.”

“I know that isn’t true,” she says gently, without scolding me for not telling her the truth. “Bo told me about it. Not the details. Just that something happened with you and the Walker boy.”

“J-Jamie,” I say with a catch in my voice. “Don’t call him the Walker boy. And… No, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did he try to…pressure you, Oakley?”

Alarmed, I look up. My jaw drops into a startled “O.” My mom has no clue and I don’t aim for her to get one. I fight the heat in my cheeks. “No. Nothing like that, Mom. It’s just that we had a fight, that’s all. I’m… I’ve decided that I’m going to NYU.”

Mom turns back to the stainless steel mixing bowl in her hands. Her voice is light and deceptively unconcerned. “Oh? I thought that was already decided. Kathy told me just yesterday that she has your room all ready.”

Mom’s blue gaze rises to pierce mine. “She’d have been so disappointed to find out you weren’t going to use it.”

I swallow the lump in my throat that feels like it will never go away. Taking my plate, I head for the French doors to the back patio before pausing in my step to shake my head. “Nope. Can’t wait. I’m going out back to eat at the patio table. It’s such a nice day.”

It’s a horrible day. The worst. I hate the bright June sunshine. The sound of birds doing their stupid singing. I hate the scent of freshly mown grass. The far-off lowing of cattle.

Closing my eyes, I manage to stop myself from bursting into tears, but only barely.

“Morning.” Bo yawns, stretching his arms over his head as he steps through the back door to the patio in nothing but a pair of loose basketball shorts. “You look like you got hit in the face with an ugly stick.”

“Screw you, Bo.” My voice holds no heat, but my face probably shows my clear irritation.

“Whoa.” He exclaims. His brows rise to meet his hairline. “Shit. Are you okay? You guys really broke up last night, huh?”

“I don’t want to discuss it with you,” I reply, stabbing my waffles hard enough to clank my fork on the plate beneath it. Glaring at him, my eyes narrow. “How’d you know about that?”

Not that I should be surprised that he knows.

Bo looks wary. He scrubs his hand through his thick dark hair as he takes a seat in a chair next to me before cupping the back of his neck. The older he gets, the more he looks just like our dad, right down to the crease in his forehead that appears when he’s worried about something.

“Chet said there was some kind of argument with you and J. That’s all I heard,” Bo says, shifting in his chair, squeaking it on the flagstone pavers.

I can tell by the way he cuts his gaze from mine that he’s not telling me the entire truth. He’s trying to save my feelings, maybe. Covering for Savannah? No. My brother knows she’s a conniving manipulator. He wouldn’t take her side for anything.

“Did everyone hear about it?”

Now I’m imagining everyone talking about us, the golden couple splitting up. It makes me want to sink right into the pavers and disappear. I let out a heavy sigh and fight back a sob. Bo frowns. Angrily, he pushes away from the patio table.

“You should’ve known better,” is all he says, getting up. “I mean, Oakley, he’s a Walker .”

I’ve been listening to my dad talk about Jamie like he’s bad news for years. Dad hates Jamie’s father, Greg. Neither one will share what started the rivalry, only that it’s been going on for years. But this is the first time I’ve heard my brother talk about my boyfriend in that tone of voice.

My ex -boyfriend. I guess I have to call him that now.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demand, shoving away my plate.

“C’mon. You know what it means. His family’s always going to work the circuit, same as ours runs the ranch. If you ever thought Jamie was going to give up bull riding and traveling, you were being stupid.”

Stupid. Hearing him say that to me is like a stab to my already shattered heart.

Recoiling, I force myself not to scream at him. Keeping my voice steady and measured. I can’t risk raising it, or else I’ll burst into tears again. “We were talking about it. About what would be best for us. I just thought he’d decided not to do it. Turns out, I was wrong.”

Bo sighs and scrapes his hand through his hair again. Before letting his head hang, he keeps his voice low. “Oakley, J decided months ago that he wasn’t going to give it up. He’s known for months . Everyone has. I told you he couldn’t be trusted.”

“That’s not true,” I argue. “You never said?—”

“I did,” my brother interrupts quietly. “Back when you two first got together. I told you not to mess around with a bull rider.”

I want to deny what he’s saying, but I can’t. I do remember that conversation more fluently than I should. “That was three whole years ago. Jamie’s never done anything to break my trust in him!”

Bo says nothing. I hear my own words echoing in my head. I am exactly what he just called me.

Stupid.

Because maybe Jamie hadn’t broken my trust in him until now, but what happened last night was all he ever needed to do.

“Look.” Bo scowls and shakes his head. “You warned me off Savannah back when I thought she was really into me. You told me she was getting close to me so she could get into the family since hers was having money trouble. I trusted that you had my best interests at heart, Oakley. I guess I’m asking you to trust that I have the same for you. ”

The pain in Bo’s voice is real. He might not have loved or even liked Savannah Ward the way I loved Jamie, but it still had to suck to realize Savannah was using him. He hadn’t really talked, per se, to anyone about being more than a friend since then.

We might fight sometimes, but I do know that my brother loves me. That he wants the best for me, as I want that for him.

“You can’t waste your life on a bull rider, Oakley,” he finally says. His voice is a little more sad than I expect to hear from him. “You need to do what’s best for you.”

“Don’t worry, Bo. I’m not going to spend another second on that piece of trash. I’m going to NYU,” I tell him, watching a small spark of a smile litter the corner of his lips.

I expect my voice to tremble with emotion, but it’s surprisingly steady. Maybe because even though I’ve said it a bunch of times already, this is the first time I’ve actually managed to convince myself I mean it.

I’m done with Jamie Walker.