Page 45

RETURN

A series of days passed, days in which they saw to their tenants, ate delicious food and spent the nights and no few afternoons wrapped in each other’s arms in bed.

It was idyllic. Rosy, soft days in which the troubles nearly vanished from her mind. But they were bound to return and she had to be ready for them.

And yet they showed no signs of rearing their head. And there was no sign of Asan either. It was quiet, and as they finished their ride around their lands, Emryn came to one specific, all consuming conclusion.

She loved Cas.

And perhaps that shouldn’t be as earth-shaking as it was. She’d been falling for him for a while, and no matter how much she prevailed on her good sense, there had been no way to prevent it.

The question then became how should she tell him? Should she tell him at all?

She wanted to but was being stopped by a ridiculous level of fear. But fear of what? That he wouldn’t say it back. That was what she was afraid of.

But how much was she going to let that dictate her actions? How much was she willing to allow her fear to make her stop doing what she needed to do?

Perhaps she would wait a little longer. Watch and see if he had the same feelings that she did. Or feelings that would grow to match hers.

And then she would tell him.

Emryn got out of the bath, wrapping herself in a towel and drying off. She’d not known that they would be gone for this many days, and she was missing Shana and Brutus.

But they were due to return to the capital tomorrow. So for the days that they were on the road, she would wait and watch, and when they arrived back in the capital, she would tell him how she felt.

“Emryn?” Cas stuck his head around the frame of the door. “Would you like some help?”

“Yes please.” She held up the gown she’d decided on. “If you wouldn’t mind lacing me up?

“Of course.” He came the rest of the way in and helped her dress, lacing her into gown and helping her finish off the braid of her hair.

“Cas, I have a question.” She turned to face him, looking at his eyes, trying to see the feelings that were there.

“Yes Emryn?”

“When will we leave tomorrow?”

“Well, there’s no emergency, so we can go a bit slower.” He tapped his chin with one finger.“We can leave after breakfast.”

She nodded, restraining the words that wanted to escape. The words about how she truly felt.

“Is something wrong, Emryn?” He looked down at her, clearly seeing the worry in her eyes.

“No.” She shook her head. “Just thinking about something.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He reached for her. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“When we get back to the capital, I’ll tell you.” She smiled at him. “I promise it’s nothing bad.”

“Alright.” He leaned in and kissed her softly. “I’ll look forward to it.”

She nodded, swallowing the words again.

They left the next morning, up and in the saddle. It wasn’t as painful this time, not after the days she’d spent in the saddle as they went around their estate.

The queen was waiting for them at the gate, smiling with her arms open to them, welcoming them home. Emryn hadn’t been prepared to return to the city, not with her memories restored.

Because as they traveled the city, Emryn saw the different places that she’d known as a child. That market was where she’d walked with her mother and that corner where she’d played with a friend that she would never see again, and that street where she’d nearly gotten run over by a cart.

It was all very strange and no little bit stressful. She tried closing her eyes to block out some of it, but even the sounds were triggering memories. The sounds the market criers as they went by were enough to reduce her to tears.

Because in the end, her mother hadn’t loved her enough to save her.

And if her mother hadn’t loved her, then how could she expect anyone else to love her with any kind of honesty.

She couldn’t, and that thought made her have to hide tears as the people of the city celebrated the return of their prince and princess.

Emryn shut the words up. She wouldn’t say the words, because if she said them, he would say them back even if he didn’t mean them.

And she wanted him to mean that he loved her. She wanted him to mean those words with everything that she was.

But he couldn’t, and if that was the case then she was better off keeping it hidden.

Maybe forever.

And that hurt, but it would hurt more if he didn’t feel the same way she did.

They arrived at the palace and both of them took their leaves of the queen and went to bathe off the road dust and change for supper with the court.

“Do you want to tell me now, Emryn?” He smiled at her so gently that she nearly let the words slip anyway.

“It’s not important.” She shook her head. “I solved the problem already.”

“Oh.” He looked a little wounded, but covered it up quickly. “Well, should we go to supper then?”

“I’m famished,” she replied, taking his offered arm and letting him lead her out of the room.

Two days later, Asan turned up, planting himself directly in front of Emryn and beckoning to her. “Emryn, I need you to come with me.”

“Where are we going, First Wizard?” Emryn backed up several steps. “Is something wrong?”

“I need you to come and speak to the council of magi,” Asan said. “In order to remove the head healer from his offices, they require your testimony.”

“Oh.” Emryn nodded. “It was just me, Asan, and he is a-”

“It was not just you,” Asan said flatly. “It was not just you, Emryn.”

“I will go, just let me tell Cas.” She turned away, only to find her arm caught by Asan.

“It must be now,” he said.

“No,” she backed up again. “You- you aren’t Asan, are you?”

The person holding her arm snarled, yanking on her, pulling her toward an offshoot room.

“No,” she cried, screaming into the air of the silent corridor. “Guards!”

The man snarled again, reaching to put a knife to her throat and his other hand over her mouth. “Shut up, bitch.”

“No,” she said, the word muffled. She opened her mouth, clamping her teeth down on the hand. She bit as hard as she could, feeling and tasting the blood as it filled her mouth.

The man ripped his hand away from her face, and she spat something out that she really didn’t want to think about.

And then the corridor was full. Guards and people and her husband bearing down on her like a hurricane.

She screamed again as the guards surrounded them, reaching out for the man who was still holding the knife to Emryn’s throat. And then everything froze.

The mirror next to them opened and Asan stepped out, landing next to Emryn and looking at her assailant. “What’s all this?”

Emryn slid free of the frozen man’s grasp and spat the blood onto the floor. “He tried to impersonate you,” Emryn said in a shaking voice.

“We won’t have that,” Asan said, moving the man and manifesting a set of shining chains around his wrists before he waved and time unfroze.

The guards stumbled a little, looking at the pair of Asans in front of them. “The one with the piece missing is the one that you want.” He shoved the false Asan into the midst of the guards. “I will see to him later.”

Emryn collapsed as soon as the guards herded the man away, clapping her hands over her mouth to hold in the sudden heave of her guts.