Page 24

Chapter 24

Since the Beginning

P haris

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Did Raewyn have no awareness of my feelings for her at all?

“You’re talking about rumors, ” I said. “Yes, I fooled around with lots of women before I met you—I was trying to distract myself from the knowledge no one would ever really know me , that no one could ever love me because of what I’d done, because of how I am.”

“But you are different. You see past my scaly armor to the heart of me,” I told her.

“And if you’re worried I can’t commit, let’s just put that concern to rest right now. Daylight or no, scandalized villagers be damned, I’ll bond myself to you right here and now. Then I’ll never be able to be with anyone else for the rest of eternity. I don’t ever want to be with another woman.”

Raewyn looked uncertain. Or was that shock I saw? Either way, I was terrified she was about to refuse me.

“There was a spell…” she said, sounding worried.

“If there was a spell, it worked on Stellon, not on me,” I practically shouted.

“Think about it—did I act spellbound when we danced at the ball and I interrogated you? Or later when I found you in his bed? Or when I caught the two of you just before you foolishly bonded yourself to a man who wasn’t free to be with you?”

I pounded my chest with one fist. “ I’m free. I’m right here . I may not be the Crown Prince, the golden boy, the chosen one everyone wants. But I want you . More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire cursed life. I have to have you, little Wyn.”

I grabbed her, kissing her desperately. It wasn’t a thing of pleasure or desire this time—it was raw need mixed with no small amount of fear.

Of how much I felt for her.

Of the possibility she didn’t return those feelings.

To my infinite relief, Raewyn didn’t push me away but participated fully in the kiss, meeting me stroke for stroke.

At least we had that—chemistry so obvious even she couldn’t deny it.

I prayed she wouldn’t try.

If she turned me down, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Though we’d shared some moments during our journey, I understood she could very well still be in love with my brother. It was all so unfair.

She was my perfect match—not his. Mine.

If only I could convince her of that.

Pulling out of the kiss, I still held her, probably more tightly than I should have.

“I know your heart is still with Stellon,” I said, “but I’ll take any small part of you you’ll let me have. Just let me have you, Raewyn.”

She shook her head, backing out of my arms. “I’m so confused. I don’t know if there was a love spell or not. I don’t know how I can feel so—”

She abandoned the sentence, and I felt like I might die without hearing the rest of it.

“Just weeks ago, I was with Stellon,” she said, “being kissed for the first time in my life, feeling like my heart would break because we couldn’t be together. And now… there are all these new feelings. And the things you’re saying… it all seems so sudden.”

“It’s not sudden to me,” I said, turning abruptly and stalking away.

I should never have let Stellon steal her from my grasp that first night, should never have given him the chance to get his hooks in her.

Picking up a stone at the bank’s edge, I hurled it into the waterfall’s spray.

I turned to face her. “Even a thousand miles away, he’s still coming between us.”

“Why do you sound so angry?” she asked.

In two strides I was right in front of her again. Already, I felt better. Being close to Raewyn felt like a necessity at this point, like I’d be missing a vital nutrient if I was deprived of her presence.

I could not allow her to be taken away. By anyone. Ever.

“I’m angry because you refuse to see what’s right in front of your face,” I said. “You have since the beginning. Even now—you’re as blind as your father was.”

It sounded mean, though I hadn’t meant it that way. I was being a pangolin again, using anger to cover my fear.

That wasn’t going to work. I needed to tell her the truth, tell her what the matchmaker’s glamour had told me.

“The beginning? What do you mean, the beginning?” Raewyn asked.

“Long before this journey began, you were all I could think about. It was more than just thoughts of kissing you at the ball. You’re all I think about day and night—even my dreams are filled with you. Even after I found out you were with Stellon, it was hard to sleep, to think, to carry on with daily life. You asked about other women… I haven’t even thought of another woman since the night I met you at the First Night Ball.”

Raewyn’s mouth dropped open. Clearly I’d shocked her. She hadn’t heard anything yet.

“Pharis,” she whispered.

“There’s more,” I said. “The night of the ball, before you got there, Stellon asked me to—”

We both jumped and whirled around as a horse thundered into the meadow. Its rider slid from the saddle and approached us at a full-speed run.

If it had been anyone else in the world, I would have turned and grabbed my sword from the grass. In fact, I was still tempted.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around Raewyn, and prayed not to lose her again to my brother.