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Fuck yeah.

My thoughts went to the cabin. If I saddled Rusty and took a ride over there, maybe once I was surrounded by stuff he’d owned or touched, there’d be enough of Kevin’s presence in the cabin to calm me, ground me…

I gave myself a hard mental shake.

I can’t keep doing this.

I can’t keep thinking about him.

He can’t be my rock anymore, because he’s fuckingdead.

And since when do I believe shit like that? What am I gonna do, touch the sling he fucked me on, and suddenly feel his… spirit?

That comment to Zeeb about burning the cabin to the ground? Yeah, that had been a little… excessive. But maybe it was time to exercise a few ghosts, rid myself of my demons.

I undressed and got into bed. I was conscious of Toby’s scent, clinging to the pillow, and I breathed him in.Did it really happen? Did I dream it?I closed my eyes, and the smell transported me back. His words played over and over in my head.

'Would you like me to make it hurt a little less?’

I’d told Kevin once that a night of him cured a lot of ills, and he’d laughed.

‘There’s no such thing as a magic dick.’

Toby had sounded sincere, as if he really believed he could take away my pain. But how?

Lord, I’m tired.Except it was more than fatigue. I was weary to the bone.

I had the feeling sleep wasn’t going to put in an appearance any time soon.

Toby

I lay in my bunk, listening to the sound of Butch’s soft snores. Zeeb and the others had returned to the bunkhouse an hour after Teague had appeared at the house. From the little conversation I heard, the wolves appeared to have been routed.

I didn’t get to see Robert, which disappointed me.

I laced my fingers under my head and closed my eyes, replaying the scene, recalling the noises he’d made, the way he’d writhed beneath me, the flow of his body as he rode me…

A long-distance submissive? Now that’s a big commitment.

Not only big—daunting.

Up at the house, the idea of being Robert’s Dom had seemed the perfect way to go, but now that I thought about it, I wasn’t so certain. Too much would depend on how badly both parties wanted it. Yeah, there was a lot of scope for scenes involving video calls, phone calls, but at least if we were in the same city—or even the same state—I’d be there if he needed me. This way, there’d be a thousand miles separating us.

But he’d haveyou, which is a damn sight more than he has right now.

I envied what he and Kevin had shared. Fifteen years, Dom and sub… I’d never had a D/s relationship that had lasted more than a few years, three tops. Then I reconsidered. Those relationships had been nothing like Robert and Kevin’s. Maybe they were more… was transactional the right word? Each one had started out from a basis of ‘this is what we both want from this,’ and for the most part, emotional entanglement had been kept out of it. As the relationships developed, so did the attraction—I just never let it go too far. And when it did, that wasn’t down to me. Tyler was the latest sub to want more than I was able—or willing—to give.

What Robert and Kevin had shared felt totally different, and it had worked for them—I just wasn’t sure if it would work for me. It sounded as if they were more deeply involved with each other than I’d ever been with a sub. It had been more than D/s for them—feelings had gotten entangled too—and since when had I ever allowed a deeper connection with a sub?

Yeah, daunting as fuck.

Theirs had been more than a non-romantic D/s relationship. They had been all-inclusive when it came to heads, hearts, and a D/s partnership—or as close to it as they could get.

A tough act to follow.

Except I knew that was an excuse.

I’d been attracted to RobertbeforeI’d known about his past, his experience. That first encounter had shown me we were a good match, and I wanted to see where the next would lead us.