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But it was more than that.

I’d gone into this determined to guard my heart, to build a wall around it, one that was impervious to emotions, but there were already cracks forming.

Toby was slowly but surely working his way through, and the shocker was, part of me wanted that connection.

When the sun went down and the air grew too cool to stay like that, we got dressed and I lit a fire. We put the bed rolls together and lay in each other’s arms, watching the flames, and listening to the water lapping at the shore.

“Can I ask you something?”

I chuckled. “Just ask. I have no secrets from you.” Glib words, but they were the truth.

“Have you ever topped?”

I stiffened. “No.”

Toby pushed me gently onto my back, and leaned over me, the firelight dancing over his face. “Why does that question make you uncomfortable? And don’t say it doesn’t, because I can feel it. Your belly is quivering right under my hand. You’re swallowing.”

I coughed. “Topping is… it’s something a Dom does.”

Toby blinked. “You believe that, don’t you? Kevin never let you top? Clay neither?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think either of them had ever bottomed. But to be honest? I’m not sure I could. It… it wouldn’t feel right, taking control like that.” Not that I hadn’t thought about it. I held my breath, uncertain if I’d angered him.

To my surprise, he smiled. “First of all, you’re not alone, okay? I’ve met other submissives who felt the same way. And secondly, I think it’s something you should experience, if only once. But we’d have to agree on the circumstances.”

I stared. “You… you’d let me fuck you?”

The light from the fire glinted in his eyes. “I love being fucked. But only ifI’mthe one calling the shots.”

I struggled to get my head around the concept. “I’d top—but you’d be telling me what to do?”

“Exactly. Think you could do that?”

I smiled, relief flooding through me. “Yes, Sir.”

Toby leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Then that’s what we’ll do, Only, not tonight. We’ll reserve that scene for when we have a bed.” He curled around me once more, his arm across my chest. “Now get some sleep. When it’s light, we’ll head back down to the trailhead.” His stomach grumbled. “And when we reach Salvation, we’ll both need feeding.”

I knew Matt would take care of that, just like I knew Toby would take care of me. I closed my eyes, aware of his warmth surrounding me, his breath stirring the hairs on the back of my neck, his hand pressed over my heart.

I’m safe.

The realization warmed me. Then I stilled.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Toby stroked my arm.

I rolled to face him. “You know what I didn’t do this morning?”

“What?”

I smiled. “I didn’t go to the cabin. The first time in five years, and I didn’t feel the urge to ride over there.”

Toby pulled me to him, pressing his lips to my head. “And how does that make you feel?”

“As though I’ve finally got something within my grasp, something that’s eluded me for so long.” I tilted my head to gaze at him. “Closure.”

He smiled too. “I know how that feels. I got to experience a little of that myself earlier today. Feels good, doesn’t it?”

I sighed. “So damn good.” I lowered my head to his chest, listening to the beat of his heart.