Page 80

It’s noon in New Jersey, a couple of hours beforeGeneral Hospitalgoes on the air, so I’m sure to find Aunt Lil at home. She picks up.

“Aunt Lil? It’s Jess.”

“Oh. My. God. Honey, how are you?”

“I’m Italian now.”

She laughs. “Good for you.”

“How are you?”

“Oh, I miss my shadow. Me and my shadow, you know. My Louie. I’m heartbroken as I ever was, but I’m trying to get to the other side.”

“You will, Auntie.”

“I keep hoping Louie will visit. But he hasn’t yet or maybe I just don’t remember the dreams. I was going to go to a psychic, but she was arrested, an online scam or something or the other, so I thought if she didn’t seethatcoming, how would she know what’s going on in my spiritual world?”

“Trust your own gut, Auntie. I feel close to Uncle Louie here. Why don’t you come visit?”

“Thank you, sweetie, but I don’t ever want to get on an airplane again. I love my house. My sister wants me to go to Florida this winter, but I’m just not interested. It won’t be any fun without your uncle.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Tell me about you. I don’t know how you found the courage to move out of the cellar.”

“Did it take courage or was I just tired of the dampness?”

“Lake Como is still buzzing. And there’s plenty of chatter over in Bilancia Land. But you know, there always is.”

“How are my parents?”

“Since you left, we have been together for every Sunday dinner. Your mother cooks, and I schlep over. I bring something. Connie makes a dish. It’s not like when you did it and all I had to do was get dressed and show up at your four-star meal. It’s all-hands-on-deck now.” She chuckles. “I miss you.”

“Thanks, Auntie.” I’m sad when I hear about the dinners; I may have resented it from time to time, but there were parts of being useful that I enjoyed.

“Your mother is a piece of work. She always was and she always will be. You can’t change the spots on a leopard. And why would we? We love an animal print in this family.”

“Leopard. The Italian neutral.”

“Beats beige. TheAmeriganessential. Your folks are just fine. And honestly, even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t tell you. You stay put over there. You put your time in, above and beyond, in the Baratta clan. As far as I’m concerned, they owe you.”

“I want to thank you for all you did for me.”

“Oh, look, that’s just being an aunt.”

“No, it was more than that. You were my refuge. You and all those criminals and crazies in Port Charles.”

“Are you watching? You cannot believe what Sonny Corinthos is up to. I’ve been watching for fifty years, and honestly, I don’t know how they come up with this stuff.”

My aunt catches me up on her soap like she is blood family to the cast ofGeneral Hospital. “Isn’t it funny? For one hour a day, I watch my story and it’s the only hour of the day I don’t miss your uncle.”

“I miss you, Aunt Lil.”

“Everyone misses you, Jess. But you’d better not come home. You stay away until you build up the hide of a rhinoceros. You are only allowed to come back here when you can tell them all to go to hell. Am I making myself clear?”

We laugh.

“They’re good people or your uncle and I would not have lasted. But I know they had a little fun at my expense behind my back.Part of that is just the status of in-laws in Italian families, and the rest of it was just fear. Your mother probably knew your uncle was on my side, so she didn’t have a chance. Yet she tried to make her points anyway. I was Diamond Lil. But I never minded because I know who I am and what matters to me. I loved my husband and you kids, and even my sister, Carmel, though she can drive me nuts. But my niece, Marina, is a peach. I got more than most, you know. I lost my husband too soon; though people say that fifty years is a long time, it wasn’t to me. It was like a blip. Someday, when you fall in love again, you’ll remember what I’m telling you. Time stands still when you lose the love of your life, because it has nowhere to go. You justare, and it justis. Your life becomes something else entirely without someone to love. When there’s nothing to do, you don’t even need to wear a watch. And if you’re like me, you don’t care if the clock ever starts ticking again. Life just stopped and I’m on pause. Waiting.”