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“I remember.”

“So, you and Connie carry on with my diamonds. I’ll give Katie candlesticks or something.”

“Give the ring to Connie. She has three daughters. Two diamonds; at least you have two of the girls covered.”

“I never have enough of anything to go around.” Mom dunked a seven-layer cookie into her coffee. “I’m a grandmother. I hold the traditions. It’s my responsibility to spread the family jewels around. I still have to worry about Mackenzie. What to give that kid. I’ll have to come up with something.”

“Be creative, Ma. We hold on to traditions whether they serve us or not. I tried to give Bobby his engagement ring back, but he wouldn’t take it.”

“Where is it?”

“In my sock drawer in the basement.”

“A one-and-a-half-carat diamond and you keep it in the sock drawer?”

“One and aquarter. And yes, it’s in the sock drawer. Who is going into the basement to look for a diamond ring?”

“I see your point.” The elevens between her eyes relaxed.She appreciated that I could foil any potential burglars with a good hiding place.

“So, Ma, you see? Do not split your ring. I can’t be trusted with diamonds. Or the man that goes with one.”

“You’ll keep the one from Bobby?”

“Not likely. A diamond ring from a man you divorced is like a plot of scorched earth upon which nothing will grow.”

“You could sell it. I don’t understand you kids. You don’t care about the finer things, the stuff I aspired to have when I was your age. You kids want experiences, trips, adventures, instead of Paul Revere silver and Lady Carlyle dishes. What is wrong with a gracious home? Sunday dinner? Holidays?”

“Nothing.”

“When we stop with Sunday dinner and the holidays, it’s all over. We’ll turn into a pack of Protestants. Lose our Italian natures. Promise me you will hold on to Bobby’s ring like a Christmas club account at New Jersey Federal.”

“You and Dad and those Christmas clubs.” I shook my head. “No interest and by December twenty-fourth you have saved up fifteen bucks to spend.”

“You laugh, but we tried to teach you to save even though we rarely had anything left over to put away ourselves. Look. Families have all kinds of problems, who drinks, who gambles, who sneaks around. We didn’t have those particular crosses to bear; we had a cash-flow problem. But I’m not complaining.” She made a face. “Besides, you don’t need the money right now. You’re living with us.”

“I’ve saved my money, Ma. I have a little nest egg.”

“Good. Because the day will come, and you will want something to show for all these years working for my brother.”

“I do have something to show for it. I am a fine draftsman.”

“Whatever you say,” she said. “But I know my brother, Louie. My advice? Have a plan.”

I bring upmy mother in my session with Dr. Rex. I lay it all out for him. I want to learn how to communicate with my mother, and I want to let go of her issues, which have somehow become my own. My mother feels she never got a fair shake in the family because she was a girl. Except for the college money—and admittedly, that’s a doozie—in general, the opposite has been true for me. Uncle Louie gave me an opportunity, which I grew into a career as a draftsman. When he died, he could’ve left the company to my mother or sold it outright to a corporation, but he didn’t. I knew how Louie felt about my mother, and wisely, in leaving the company to me, he knew she wouldn’t object because I’m her daughter. Dr. Rex says I should examine my mother’s views regarding religion, sex, health, money, and beauty. Dr. Rex requests that I be completely honest, because I have spent a lifetime defending my mom. This was the hardest assignment of all.

Philly Baratta’s Hit List

Religion:The patriarchy offends her. Mom left off with the Annunciation.

Sex:Fear-and-shame platter to go. Mom left the story dangling about the fate of her high school friend Monica Spadoni, who was sent away when she got pregnantsecond semester of her junior year and no one ever saw her, the baby, or her family again. Monica’s story, as imparted by my mother, was like falling asleep before the end of a Movie of the Week. You wake up not knowing the ending and living in fear that the same fate might befall you.

Health:Never go to the doctor, and pray the symptoms disappear. Don’t look up any diseases on the internet because the internet is a disease.

Money:Slippery. Elusive. If you get a couple of bucks, hide them. Keep an account on the side for emergencies. Mom once said,You watch. When you get a little bonus, the first thing that happens: you break a tooth. There are no bonuses, always get cash up front.

Beauty:You must work with what you’ve got no matter the raw material. A manicure, an eyebrow wax, and a spray tan are the keys to self-confidence.

I feel so sorry for myself after this exercise that I don’t bother to review it. I hit send, pressing the key like a button that detonates a bomb.Coming at you, Dr. Rex.I am compelled to call Aunt Lil. I have missed her but have avoided calling her because it would bring my mother pain to know that I was communicating with Aunt Lil instead of her. But I don’t care anymore; I miss my aunt.