Page 97

I huffed. “I never realized you talked this much when we were in Yong’An.”

“???????”Are you judging me?

Yes.I wanted to tease him back, but didn’t want to open this door of friendliness. Regardless of how kind he appeared to be, a tiger was still a tiger.

However, I did prefer this Yexue to his serious side. “I never realized you had a sense of humor.”

“Did you expect me to brood constantly, like some sad prince whoonly wants to recite obscure poetry, or a tyrant whose heart is stone cold and devoid of kindness?” he said, laughing, and my lips twitched before I pressed them down.

“In Yong’An, you constantly looked like you were in a bad mood.”

“That’s because I was,” he replied, his voice suddenly heavier. “I’m not like you, Fei. In Yong’An I was a ward, living under the roof of bitter hosts. Yes, I had the power to run away, but where would I go? I was a kid, and my father was dying and my uncle had told me to die in Rong and never come home. When my dream of finding the imperial stargazer and having her rid me of my prophecy failed to materialize, I didn’t know what I should do next. During my time there, between waking up and going to sleep, I thought of one thing and one thing only: whether it was worth trying to survive.” The humor faded from his voice. “You might not know this from your days as the empress-to-be, but the world is not fair, and it is not kind. Yong’An is a dog-eat-dog place, and the only way to survive it was by pretending that I was the most dangerous dog of them all, one that would never whimper or flinch, no matter how hard you kicked it. You had a family who cared about you and a prince who adored you. I, on the other hand, had nothing. Just a mother who hated me, a father who feared me, an uncle who wanted me dead, and a monstrous ability that I didn’t know how to use at the time.”

My stomach twisted, remembering the words he had spoken on the city walls. How he had walked into the mountains two years ago with the intention of dying.

Yexue turned away. “None of it matters anymore. Sooner or later, I will make everyone who ever hurt me pay.”

The horses began to pick up their pace. The carriage was too dark, so I slid the window open just a little, enough to let in someair and light. Though the gap was barely wider than a finger, I could see that we had left the city, and another group of riders had joined the guards.

Something had happened, and Yexue was keeping it from me.

“Speaking of Yong’An, why did the Rong emperor insist on collecting you as his ward? Why do he and Siwang hate you so much?”

A beat of silence. Yexue leaned back against the seat and stared up at the ceiling, his expression somber. That brief ray of light I had enjoyed so much was gone now.

“We can talk about other things. It’s a long ride back,” he said.

In other words: end of conversation.

I leaned back against the seat, my body mirroring him. “I feel bad for Ping. What the emperor did is beastly.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Yexue visibly tense, and the carriage felt colder. “Is this the first time you realized the Rongemperor is an evil man?”

No, it was not. “Is it possible that we are the reason the Rong emperor tried to kill her and her teacher?”

Yexue was quiet for a moment. “If I told you it was because of our prophecies, would you feel guilty?”

“Yes.”

Yexue stared at the ceiling for a moment, his eyes drifting to a close. He seemed as exhausted as I was.

“I’m going to tell you something Siwang will never tell you: wicked people do wicked things. You are not responsible for another person’s bad actions, even if they do bad things because of you.”

My chest hollowed at his words. The carriage jolted over a sharp curb, and our hands brushed, just a little. I was suddenly too aware of how small this carriage was, how close our two bodies were. Our armswere mere inches apart, and our hands…Another jolt, and Yexue’s fingertips touched mine again.

I pulled my hand away and shifted in my seat until I am pressed against the far corner, putting as much distance between us as possible. “What about you?”

He chuckled, grinning when he replied, “I wish I could say that I am different, that I want to be better, yet I fear I may be as rotten as the rest of them. The point is that even if you didn’t exist, even if the Lan and Rong and Wang and Zhao and every dynasty who rules this land did not exist, there would be other dynasties. Because this is the way of men. We want power, and the only way we know is through war. Prophecy or not, this land will not know peace until someone strong enough unites it once and for all.”

My mouth was dry; I didn’t know what to say. All my life, people told me was that I was the reason Rong had to conquer our neighbors so that they would not one day grow greedy and covet the empress of all empresses. When the emperor waged wars, he had waged them in my name, in the name of my prophecy. “They say that I am blessed by Fate and the stars and all the gods. But why do I feel so powerless? Every decision made in my name is made by men more powerful than I am. They say they do it to protect me, but no one ever asks what I want.”

I didn’t know I was crying until Yexue reached over and brushed a tear from my cheek. “What do you want, Fei?”

To be free. Of everything.I pushed his hand away and dried my tears with the hem of my sleeve. I let go of the breath I was holding and unfurled the scroll. I couldn’t run from the truth forever.

The terms were simple. Lan wanted to keep all the land they had already conquered and for Rong to relinquish their rights to these lands. They also asked for Rong to become a tribute state of Lan, and forRong to offer up a fraction of their annual tax revenue in addition to a yearly quota of domestic production. All material things, nothing that crossed the line of citizens offered up as indentured servants, like some empires demanded from their tribute states.

The terms were unfavorable toward Rong, but such was to be expected. I had no doubt that the Emperor of Rong had drawn up worse peace treaties during his years as conqueror.