Page 89

I pressed the blade harder against his throat, watching the flesh dent from pressure. If I tried to cut him, would he let me? More importantly, would he bleed like a mortal, or would this blade shatter upon impact like he was some divine god? “If I tried to kill Siwang, would you—”

“I will kill you,” I said before he could finish. “If you so much as touch Siwang, I will kill you with my bare hands.”

Those doe eyes suddenly went cold. I fought the urge to shrink back farther against the wall.

“I hope you know that the more you try to protect your precious little prince, the more I want to hurt him. If I sucked him dry until every last drop of him was within me, would you care for me the same way you care for him?”

Yexue didn’t wait for an answer before he pulled away again, just a little. Still close enough that he had me trapped between his body and the desk. Still close enough to make my blood sing and make my entire being feel like it was on fire.

“Tell me you don’t feel it,” he whispered after a moment. “Tell me you don’t think of me every night when you close your eyes, look formy shadow in every crowd, waiting for the day when our paths cross again.”

“I don’t.” It was the truth. Every time I thought of him, it was with rage or regret that I hadn’t finished him when I’d had the chance.

There was only one person I searched for in every crowd, and that man was not Yexue.

“Really?” Gently, he guided my free hand to his chest, until my fingers were hovering over the small patch of pale skin exposed by the loosened collar of his robe.

I let him guide me into the hems and touched his bare chest, and the low gasp he let out made something inside me clench. My fingers moved down, until I touched the spot where I had stabbed him.

There was a small bump of scar.

He is not invincible,I reminded myself. Lan Yexue was capable of pain, for I had inflicted it myself once upon a time.So why did my knife shatter the last time…?

“My wounds always heal,” he said softly. “Except the one you gave me in that forest. It is the only thing that has ever scarred on my body. Something tethers us together, Fei. The fallen goddess and the monster…Perhaps you are my salvation. Perhaps you are the answer to all my worst fears. Because if the fallen goddess can love me, then I can be redeemed, right?”

I pulled my hand away. “I don’t think prophecies work likethat.”

“Don’t lie to me.” The leg that was pressed between my knees nudged forward until my legs parted for him.

“I can hear your heartbeat. You want me, as much as I want you. I can love you better than Siwang ever could.” When he leaned in and his lips brushed my cheek, my jaw, my neck, I held back the whimper in my throat.

I pushed him back. Just a little, my hand still touching his chest, fingers tugging against the hem of his robe, as if contemplating whether to pull him back in. As if I were holding on to something that I shouldn’t. “Do you want me, or do you just want to take something that you think belongs to Siwang?”

He laughed. “You don’t belong to him. You don’t belong to anyone, and don’t ever let the world make you think that. One day when you stop loving him, you can always leave, no matter what the world tells you. I hate you for choosing him and not me, over and over again, but I want you because you might be the single person in this world who is my equal and understands what it’s like, to feel suffocated by a destiny you did not choose.”

I pressed my hand more firmly against his chest to keep him from coming any closer, for I feared what I might do when his lips finally touched mine. “We can’t always have what we want, Yexue.”

“I can,”he whispered. “If not tonight, then tomorrow night. If not tomorrow night, then the night after that. Eventually, you will give into this pull between us. I plan on living a long,longlife, and I plan on making sure you do as well.”

“You are so…”

“Romantic?”

“Embarrassing.” It was better to end this now than to let whatever this was fester.

He winked. “You said you want to seduce me for military secrets. Well, you are fortunate that I am aselflessman. Who am I to deny you what you desire the most in this world?”

“I really regret putting that in the letter now.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Fei.” He came closer again, his strong hands toying with the collar of my robe.

I stopped breathing. I should stop him, but…I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to. I refused to admit it, but he was right.

As his fingers trailed up my thigh, it was enough to send my entire body tingling like fireworks. I couldn’t help but think, what if I pulled him in, what if I let him kiss me until I was faint. His eyes really were so beautiful. And his lips…

“Say the word, and I’m yours, Fei. I will get on my knees for you. I will beg if I must. I will move mountains, drain the oceans, set the sky on fire if that’s what it takes for you to look at me with a fraction of the desire with which you look at him.” His fingertips touched mychin.

We were so close now, and my heart was beating so fast. All I wanted in this moment was to lean in and taste the Prince of Lan for myself.