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“What if I want my life to be more than just marriage and bearing children? The world is so much bigger than the palace, than Yong’An, than Rong. I want to experience all of it, firsthand, not hear about it from poems, or imagine it from the inks of a priceless painting that could never capture the real thing. I want everything in vivid colorsand clarity.” Slowly, I reached my hand across the table and took his hand into mine, squeezing it tight as my eyes focused on his.I want you to live a long and happy life.“Have you ever wanted something so much that you can’t breathe? That you don’t feel life is worth living without it?”

The knot between his brows tightened. “We don’t always get what we want.”

His words had an edge to them. I let go of his hand and returned to my ladylike position across the table, hands folded in my lap, spine straight, and shoulders back the way Mother had taught me.

In the Warring States, mothers raised sons to be brave and courageous, daughters to be delicate and agreeable. Sweet and docile, we were to be. Timid as we were fair. Obeying and submitting. Cursed to bow to the orders of our fathers, then kneel to the commands of our husbands. Living life more like property than people.

If Siwang wanted to, he could keep me in this betrothal by force. He was the prince of the most powerful empire in the land, and I was just a girl. There was nothing I could do to stop him. As the man, as the prince, he had all the power, and the only things I had were my threadbare hopes.

And my belief that he loved me enough to make the right decisions.

“Forget about me, Siwang,” I whispered into the frigid air. “One day, you will have so many lovers that you won’t be able to count them all. A few years from now, when you are the emperor, I bet you won’t even remember my name. You don’t need me in your life.”

“You really think I’d forget your name?”

No, I don’t.I didn’t tell him this.

Let him think I was heartless and oblivious to his feelings, so that he could remain oblivious to mine.

Siwang rose to his feet and marched toward the entrance of the tent. His stoic, princely mask fell over his features once more.

“Please tell my father and Minister Lifeng that they may come back into the tent now,” he told the men standing guard. Then he turned to me. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I…” It took me a moment to understand what he was asking. “I am sure.”

“Very well. This is the last thing I can offer you, Fei. Whatever happens next is up to Fate.”

There was a chill in the tent when the emperor reentered, with Father a few steps behind him, his head still bowed.

13

“Cancel the betrothal,” Siwang told his father.

Disappointment shadowed the emperor’s face, but Siwang didn’t cower. He kept his head high and his eyes locked with his father’s.

“You useless boy. Did I not just remind you that a real emperor can never love anyone?”

“You loved Mother, didn’t you?” Siwang pushed, and the emperor winced at the mention of his late empress. “If Mother had asked you to set her free, you would have chosen the same. If Fei doesn’t want to marry me, then I’m not going to force her. I’m the future Emperor of Rong. I won’t marry a girl if she doesn’t want to marry me, not when there are plenty who would give everything for this honor.”

“What about the prophecy, son? Are you going to let another man become the emperor of emperors?”

“That won’t happen!” I blurted out. Luckily, this was a hurdle I’d prepared for. “I…I promise you that if I don’t marry Siwang, then I won’t marry anyone.Ever.”

The emperor huffed at my declaration as if it were the words of achild. “You promise? What use is a promise? Promises are made to be broken, you foolish little girl.”

“Then I will swear on it! I will swear on the bones of my ancestors. I will swear on the sun and the moon and all the stars who blessed me, and my own life! As long as I live, I will not marry anyone besides Rong Siwang.”

Father’s eyes went wide, his lips parted with an objection that never became sound.

To promise on my own life was one thing. To promise it on the bones of our ancestors was another. If I ever broke this promise, it would be blasphemy, and I’d be banished to the eighteenth level of hell after death.

When the tension between the emperor’s brows eased, I knew it had worked.

The emperor stared at his son with all the rage of a ruler and all the love of a father.

In the end, he closed his eyes and shook his head in defeat. “????????.You can be exempted from the punishment of death, but you will still be punished.You have tarnished the Rong name with your defiance, and that cannot go without punishment.”

“Punish me instead!” Siwang interjected. “I knew Fei’s plan and I didn’t stop her. I am as much to blame for all of this as she is.”