Page 83

She narrows her eyes, resolutely taking another slow sip.

I shake my head as I take a drink from my own glass, sighing in content after. “So. Tell me all your woes.”

“Woes?”

I nod. “That’s what you’re supposed to do with a bartender. Spill all your secrets.”

“You’rethe one who promised me a story. Are you stalling right now?”

I frown, hiding it behind my glass as I take another drink. I let the liquid linger in my mouth for a moment before allowing it to slide down my throat, relishing the burn as I consider. “Not necessarily…I’m just not sure where to even start.”

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

I ponder again what might come from telling Dani all the sordid secrets of the Hart family. It isn’t that I don’t trust her; on the contrary, I have an inkling that Dani might be the only person in my life I could trust with my burdens. I think I’m more worried that she might look at me differently. That when she realizes how deep the misery goes—it might chase her away. After gaining so much ground with her…the idea of it makes my stomach feel leaden. I wonder for a moment how on earth I might start this conversation; thebeginningisn’t so cut-and-dried. Not with this. I finally decide on the most important detail, the one everything else branches from.

“Alexander isn’t my father.”

She looks shocked at my admission, as I expected her to be, her lips parting and a furrow forming between her brows as she tries to process that information. “He…isn’t?”

“I didn’t always know,” I explain, looking down into my glass as I swirl the amber liquid absently. “He was…distant when Iwas a kid, but I just assumed it was because I never lived up to Eli. Eli was perfect, and I…” I frown, remembering. “I was never that.”

She clutches her glass in both hands, her fingers flexing against it almost like she’s combating an urge to reach out and touch me. I sort of wish she would. Maybe it would make me feel less unsettled. I think this might actually be the first time I’ve ever talked about this out loud with anyone other than my mother.

Her voice is soft when she speaks again. “When did you find out?”

My jaw tightens. This is the hardest part to talk about. It’s been fifteen years, and still my stomach twists when I think about the day my life came crashing down around me. I close my eyes, breathing in through my nostrils.

“I found out the day my mother attempted to take her own life.”

I can’t look at her when I hear her quiet gasp; I think I want to avoid the pity that’s most likely in her eyes. It’s not something I want from her. I don’t want Dani to soften to me out of pity. I want her to…Shit. I don’t even know what I want her to do.

“Ezra…” I finally open my eyes at the sound of her voice, but miraculously, it’s notpityin her expression, not really. It’s…gentler. It makes my chest hurt. “What happened?”

I sigh deeply, deciding to just lay it out in one go. “My father has always been a controlling bastard, but I’m told he was better when he and my mother first got married. Apparently, after Eli was born, he started having problems at the firm he was working with. There were allegations made about…Well. I can’t even tell you what they were about. I’ve never been able to dig it up. All I know is that whatever was happening in Alexander’s professionallife started to put strain on his and my mother’s marriage. She won’t talk to me about it, but from what I’ve been able to gather from others…he became cruel. I guess it was always inside him, he just needed reasons to justify letting it out.”

“And she…?”

“She had an affair.” I’m nodding, not really looking at her as I talk. “She was going to leave Alexander. She wasn’t in love with my real father; honestly, from what I understand, it was just a one-night stand with some guy who was out of the picture before she could even take a pregnancy test, but Alexander found out. Since they hadn’t been intimate in some time…he knew that I wasn’t his kid.”

“But she didn’t leave,” Dani ventures.

I shake my head. “She couldn’t. I didn’t learn about any of this until years later, but Alexander threatened to have Eli taken away from her. Even with all the shit he had going on at his firm, he had powerful friends in the business. Powerful enough that my mother feared he could actually do it. That she wouldn’t ever get to see my brother again. Her soft heart couldn’t stand the thought of it.” I puff out a breath. “Plus, for whatever reason…She loved Alexander. I think maybe shestilldoes, although I can’t fathom why.”

“How old were you when she…?”

“Nineteen,” I tell her, knowing exactly what she’s asking. “Apparently, when I was finally off to college, my mother had a moment of clarity where she realized she and Alexander were never going to be the same. She didn’t have to worry about him using her children against her anymore, so she attempted to leave. Again.”

I shudder at the memory of a cold waiting room and anemiclighting. “Alexander wasn’t having it. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing face with his peers, of them finding out his wife was leaving him for his own shitty behavior. He—”

I suck in a breath, and I don’t even realize I’m shaking until I feel Dani’s hand covering mine. The warmth of it is soothing, calming me, and I exhale slowly, needing to get this out. To tellsomeone, if only just this once.

“He locked her in her room,” I tell her bleakly. “Forweeks. I…” I make a disgusted sound. “I didn’t even know. I was so busy enjoying my newfound freedom that I didn’t even bother to check in with her. She was in that room forweeks, and I—”

Dani squeezes my hand. “You couldn’t have known, Ezra.”

“Regardless,” I reply woodenly. “It all became too much for her. She…she had sleeping pills. She—”

I close my eyes, focusing on the weight of Dani’s hand still clutching mine. I don’t know if I’m grateful for the bar between us or angry at it. I’m not sure at this moment if her touching me more would soothe me or have me buckling from the bad memories.