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They don’t want you either. It whispered along his skin like needles, and only when he began to see spots in his vision did he realize he’d stopped breathing. He sucked in a breath that sounded horrible and telling in the silence of the bunkhouse.

“We do need you,” Alex said quietly. “We need you, but we love you. So happiness matters.”

Gabe didn’t know what to do with that. How could he absorb… It didn’t make any sense. If they needed him, they wouldn’t have been suggesting he leave. If they loved him, they wouldn’t have suggested he go.

Bottom line. Bottom line.

Except if he reversed situations, quite against his will, he knew he’d say the same to either of them. They’d pushed Alex to get help when he’d needed it and been refusing it. They’d given Jack a family and people to trust and lean on when he’d needed it. Now they were giving him his freedom if he needed it.

He didn’t. He wished to God that was what he needed, but no. What he needed was a mystery. “I wouldn’t be any happier anywhere else.” Which didn’t sound casual or flippant or like a throwaway comment. He wanted it to sound like that.Neededit to sound like that, but it sounded pained and desperate and weak instead. “So, just…go.”

Alex and Jack exchanged a glance, but then they both just settled back into what they were doing. Jack lay back down and sprawled out. Alex picked up his phone and began to scroll.

“What are you doing?” Gabe demanded, ignoring the slow beat of panic in his body.

“I think I’m going to take a nap,” Jack said on a yawn. “Rose was up half the night puking. Didn’t get much shut-eye.”

“And I’m going to catch up on my reading.”

“I don’t want you two here,” Gabe said. “I… Go away.”

“It’s Christmas Eve,” Jack said as if that explained their continued presence.

“Even more reason to go. You have families now. You have…other lives. Go be with your wife. Go take care of your baby mama. Go.”

“You’re our family, too, Gabe.”

“No, I’m… No.”

Jack sat up again and Alex put his phone down, and they were both looking at him as though he’d hurt them in some way. “Your friend. Your partner. I’m…that.”

“Our family,” they said in unison.

“Brothers,” Alex said.

Gabe wouldn’t do this. Not now. Not when he wasn’t… He couldn’t do this. “If you won’t go, I will.”

“No. No, that is not an option.”

“You’re not my leader anymore, Alex. We’ve been over that,” Gabe said through gritted teeth. He looked around the spacious bunkhouse for his boots. They had to be somewhere around here.

“Just where are you going to go on Christmas Eve?” Jack asked, too much gentleness in his tone.

“Go home to your families,” Gabe said, realizing too late it was a shout, and not a particularly effective one when he sounded panicked and out of control.

“As if you’re not a part of those families?” Alex scoffed. “We are one big family. A weird-ass conglomeration of family, I’ll give you, but a family nonetheless.”

“No. You have wives and kids. It’s different. It’s more.”

“It isn’t more. It’s just different.”

Gabe looked away from Jack’s eerie calm. “Nice thought and all, but it isn’t true.”

“Of course it is. Firstly, you’re a part of the reason we even have those things. Who threatened to fight me when I was screwing things up with Becca?” Alex demanded, with none of Jack’s calm. “Who promised to be here for Jack when Rose was trying to skip town? You don’t get to decide you’re not a part of this just because someone else joined. It’s not all or nothing. You or them.”

“No.” Gabe whirled, pointing toward the outside world. “It’s them.”

“No, it’s us.”