Page 19

Colin shrugged. “I’m tough. I’ll be fine.”

They both climbed up the stairs, but before Colin reached for the door, Gabe placed a hand on his shoulder. He knelt, winced when his hip gave a little shot of pain, then ignored it.

“Being tough isn’t about ignoring the things that touch you. Being tough is about facing things that are hard. Being tough is about facing things that a lot of people wouldn’t. And sometimes being tough isn’t the answer. You have to be tough in the face of things that are wrong. You have to be tough in the face of your own responsibilities and the choices you make. You have to be tough in the way you protect your mom and anyone else you care about. But there are going to be times in your life when things will be hard and being tough won’t be the answer.”

“How do you know the difference?”

“Honestly? You probably won’t always know the difference.” He was a hell of a pep-talk giver, wasn’t he? But he’d started this and he’d see it through. “You have to figure it out for yourself. But knowing that it’s an option, that you don’t have to be tough all the time, it’s a good step in the right direction.”

Colin stared at him like he’d just spoken gibberish. That’s probably all it sounded like to the kid. With a grunt he tried to swallow, Gabe got back to his feet.

Colin frowned. “What’s wrong with you? Is it why you got all those scars?”

Since they’d been swimming this summer, Colin had seen the handiwork of a grenade and a vehicle crash mapped over Gabe’s upper right side. “Yup.”

“How?”

“Afghanistan. While I was on patrol, someone threw a grenade into our vehicle. The blast caused Alex to crash into an embankment. My right side got twisted and sliced to hell.”

“But you lived.”

“Three of us did. One of us didn’t.”

Colin’s frown deepened at that, and Gabe tried not to picture Geiger, the friend he’d lost. Tried not to remember that day or the months of pain and healing that came after. He tried to focus on today and the cold and this little boy in front of him.

“You are tough, runt, and no one can take that away from you.” Gabe patted Colin’s back. “But it’s a cold day, and this is complicated work. I want you to stay here.”

Colin’s expression went mutinous, but Gabe couldn’t let that sway him. “You want to help next time, I want you to read up on disposing of deceased livestock. Alex, Jack, and I spent a lot of time learning about what we’re about to do, and you’ll need to as well if you want to help.”

“Reading is boring.”

“Then I guess you don’t want to help.”

Colin grumbled something under his breath as he pushed the door open, but Gabe had a feeling the kid would read up on it. Gabe had a feeling the kid would see his responsibilities through.

He didn’t have any idea why that made himproudwhen Colin was nothing to him, but it was there anyway.

He decided to ignore it.

* * *

Monica never allowed herself to lead a conversation with anger. She counted to ten when she wanted to scream at Colin for being a little jerk. She breathed through hideous customer service. She’d learned to squeeze her palms together when talking with her father and wanting to throttle him.

None of those tactics seemed to be working.

Last night, Colin had woken up from a nightmare. He’d been sobbing, and he’d crawled into bed with her like he was tiny again. After she’d calmed him down, she’d finally convinced him to tell her about the dream.

It had been an especially weird one. A dead cow under the Christmas tree, a Christmas tree that had been decorated with pictures of Dex and dead cows. Monica hadn’t known what to make of it until Colin had mentioned the dead cow he’d helped the Revival Ranch men move.

She hadn’t slept after that, even when Colin had finally dozed at her side. She was too furious. Far too furious to approach any of them. She needed time to cool down, but as she stood next to her truck the next morning, anger started to shred her usually normal reason and rationale.

When Gabe stepped out of the bunkhouse, looking somehow as strong and rugged as all those peaks in the distance behind them, whatever small thread of control she’d had over her emotions broke.

Herbabyhad been crying and scared, and this indestructible man had caused it.

“Go inside, Colin,” Monica said, deadly calm.

“Where are you going?” Colin asked, staring at her across the front of the truck.